Mum and dad are long divorced so I can't use him as a go between.
I've come to the comclusion my mum is just a bit nasty. She was never the nicest when I was a kid, could be violent on occasion and never really took an interest in me or my brother.
She is the sort of person who falls out with everyone - every neighbour we've ever had, colleagues, every boss she's ever had, friends. Of course its never her fault, its always them! My brother didn't speak to her for a period of a few years though they are talking now.
She lives about 10 miles from me, though will not come to my house. Last time she came last Nov when I was ill in hospital she flipped her lid about the house been messy and vowed never to set foot in the place again. Which is fine, I go and see her or we meet for coffee.
That time when she was last here she really upset dd (11) and it took a few months for dd to speak to her/look at her. DD often states she hates her.
Anyway mum offered to take dd up to Yorkshire for a few days last week and dd seemed fairly keen. They've done it every year and while I was suprised dd wanted to this year I was pleased.
Mum dropped her off last night, literally bags and dd on the doorstep. By the time I opeend the front door mum was halfway down the drive and muttered goodbye over her shoulder and left. I'd have thought she would have had least exchanged pleasantries on the doorstep. Maybe she was tired I dunno.
DD states she's had a shit time and that mum has been having a go at her all week. Just little things - mum asked whether my ipad belonged to me or dd. DD told her we kind of share it. Mum then said that would be right as dd couldn't be trusted to look after snything, she couldn't even look after her cat. This upset dd, her cat got run over! Not her bloody fault.
Another day dd was playing with some kids in the village and there was some mown grass at the side of a track and they kicked some of the grass down onto the track. Some grass had already blown onto the track by itself. Mum came along and went nuts and made dd walk back along the track putting the grass back onto the verge even the stuff that had blown by itself. She then wouldn't let dd meet up with these kids again as she said that dd would be naughty again!
It does sound like the sort of thing she would say and do. However I know if I ask her about it she'll deny it and say dd is lying. My dd is more truthful than my mum. Then she'll shout at dd for lying. So I feel I don't want to confront her about it as dd will just get it in the neck.
I try not to have too much to do with her. I can easily go a few weeks without ringing her - then when I do she's been all passive aggressive. Speaking in a really snotty voice "oh, I wondered where you'd been, thought you might be dead". Obviously never crosses her mind that she hasn't rung me either.
I really feel like cutting contact for good. I'm just no good at confrontation and I feel guilty so I keep putting up with it!