Any other harvest widows out there?!

[Lala1980]

Hello. Lonely and frustrated harvest widow would love to chat/vent with other farmers' WAGs...

Oh and what I also meant to say, Freerange (hit send too soon) is that our business may not be as large as the one you work for, but if you have good staff who you trust, then you should be OK.

Work out all the logistics and what-ifs, and if they work, go for it.

Nursery rang. DD sent home, has been sick 4 times. DH unable to help, dry cows have escaped. Ladyflip cancels appointments, makes excuses and leaves work.
DD now looking pink cheeked and happy. DH mending fence dry cows demolished. Ladyflip quietly cursing and venting on MN whilst allowing unlimited cbeebies and sunning herself in the garden

Dh has been on the hay all afternoon. I got a missive to take him a sandwich up the field for dinner. I suspect I'll see him at stupid o'clock tonight. He's cancelled going out for our anniversary twice this week (twas on Monday) so that he "can get on".

If this carries on until Monday, I can see a "one way debrief" coming!

We are pretty much a family subsistence farm. PIL (in their 70s) are the partners. DH slowly making changes but PIL not ready to let go. There doesn't seem to be a long term plan and DH has siblings.

I work part time at the moment although it is not really financially worthwhile (but keeping my foot in the door) and getting kids to childcare then getting to work takes about an hour at each end of the day. But I am looking at the longer term and once the kids are in school I will hopefully increase my hours. I would love to be more involved with the farm but at the moment feel that we need an outside source of income.

DH been away all day wrapping bales and now home to do ours.

QuietTiger "one way debrief"

Cantthinkof1 - I hear you on the whole family subsistence farm thing. PIL have been retired now for 3 years and we've had the reins. thank god. In the next 12 months, we should actually start making a "proper profit" from the farm, instead of "just about paying the bills".

FIL has never paid any attention to money - he was of the opinion that MIL should do it. She believed that as long as the books balanced, it was OK, but she didn't have any financial ability believe in investment or future financial planning, so they lurched from one crisis to another. The milk check paid the bills, therefore they were OK, IYSWIM?

Morning all!

ladyflip I have definitely not married a modern man. He's a throwback to the 40's - unless a meal has gravy in it for example, he doesn't think it's a proper meal!

Quiettiger It sounds like you have a great way of working. That's exactly what DH and I are aiming for. I don't have the agriculture knowledge you have but I'm pretty good at staff stuff having worked in retail for a long time which is helpful as DH's idea of managing his staff is a grumbled "morning" and "thanks" at the end of the day! I think it's just the transition from being super independent and learning to think as "we" that I struggle with. We're in a funny transition stage too - I think once DC arrives in January It'll just help everything along.

canthinkofone I can totally sympathise with Parents not letting go. When I'm old I'm definitely going to let go (she says, at the age of 31, still not allowed to sign cheques, that when I get old and allowed to sign cheques I'm going to hang on to that bit of power!!)

I do think the older generation sometimes struggle with the idea of farming being profitable not just a way of life. TBH, my farm without the SFP barely breaks even. Somehow, that's not right and it's a bit scary to think what might happen when they change it. We are trying to do stuff to combat it though. My PIL have a really skewed sense of money. Now my DH runs everytihng on his farm they're off spending it like water instead of reinvesting for the future.

I get all uppity about how farming should be profitable etc but then I think on evenings last night when we're all sitting round the kitchen table having a beer (or pants fruit squash in my case) after getting all the rape in) in a lovely house with a lovely view - you'd have to earn a hell of a london salary to buy the lifestyle we are lucky enough to have.

We have to go spray off our wheat today - first time ever! Still more rain forecast for next week - we'll be combining in Nov at this rate!

The talk is that the SFP is going to still be in existence, but will have changed to some sort of agri-environment scheme.

We solved the PIL issue of spending all the money in the farm account by doing a direct debit of £X on a monthly basis into their personal account as drawings. DFIL is great in that he's so tight his wallet has moths he's very careful, but MIL is a complete nightmare because she's lost all track of the value of money and will happily withdraw £100 and spend it on absolute crap and then not be able to tell you what she's spent it on. MIL is no longer allowed any access to the farm account, because of her "spending habits".

We're spraying off the barley. The wheat has a few more weeks yet. Because we had an inkling of the weather this year, we made the decision to leave the OSR fields fallow from last autumn to get it in on time so that we can get the crop rotations into a proper cycle. I'm dreading the combining because we haven't got a working dryer...

Morning!

Dh was 1940s man when I met him - his mother was much older when she had him plus she was a domestic science teacher in 1940 and did everything efficiently and perfectly. He was rapidly hauled into the 21st century when we married and is still in shock.

His family have been tenant farmers here since 1890 and the farm is more geared up to the 1890s as they had workers and maids.

More wuffling today then bailing this afternoon thank god then it is all over . He practically genuflects round the bailer and I had several instructions how it works which I understood the first time. Looks like you press a button to start it and then switch it off when you are finished unlike the old bailer where you had to use manual evacuation to get the bale out.

It is very traditional here to the point where the hay forks were unearthed the other evening to make stooks (when the bailer died). I was a gibbering wreck at that point.

We must look at diversification as the weather has changed so much that crop growing is no longer viable but much of the farm has extremely steep areas where it is impossible to walk drive a machine. any suggestions for vertical diversification are welcome.

I ache today because I am 108 and feel every year. Plus sunburned. Right, that is my moan over.

Good luck today whatever you are all doing!

Sorry - bit of a rant. DH has just put himself in the Doghouse. He asked me what I was going to do all day... apart from run around after him like a blue arsed fly I told him the farrier was coming, at which point, he raised his eye brows and said "fucking horses" under his breath.

DH is a twat He's cancelled going out 3 times this week because of the fucking farm and come to bed at stupid o'clock every night, "because we have to get it done" and he's having a go at me about spending money on my horses, which I help earn because quite frankly if I didn't support him like I do, he wouldn't be able to do his job. Newsflash DH. I need the horses to keep me sane, because quite frankly, sometimes you drive me bloody nuts!!

The one way de-brief about his "focused" behaviour and barking orders instead of having a conversation because he's "stressed", is looming closer.

The harvest will soon be over. It is infuriating when your work is not seen as 'having worth' but my advice would be to ignore strops, enjoy your horses and book an evening/ night away after the harvest is all finished.

Thank you GentleOtter for talking sense. Good advice! As a rule, we get on well and he is very considerate, but harvest & hay brings out the absolute worst in him and it I'm expected to just get on with it.

And to top it all off, the cat has just let a live rat go in the lounge. ::bangs head on desk::

Can'tthink I'm with you on the PIL front! They rattle round in that great big old house with 6 bedrooms and we are cheek by jowl in our tiny cottage while DH actually does all the work on the farm.
Quiet one of the reasons I never did work on the farm was because I don't take very well to having orders barked at me! The odd occasion when I have helped (cubicle kicking, that sort of thing) have sometimes resulted in the most amazing rows! I find forging my own career where I get to be the boss and know what I'm talking about much more effective! Anyway, I'm sure your DH will realise the error of his ways after his de-brief and calm down.

DH has milked this morning. Yesterday they got 156 silage bales off 22 acres so he is spending the afternoon till probably midnight moving them from the field so guess its me as a single parent again today!

I am slowly weaning DH off the daily gravy (down to about 4 times a week now!) although will never get him off the daily meat.

I'm abandoning ship with the kids for a few days so that when DS goes back to preschool he doesn't just tell them about bales and "maukit" sheep. DS1 told chilminder yesterday Daddy isn't alway's a farmer sometimes he is a baler.

Baling done here so now DH is going to stand and look at the lambs and will them to grow in the next two weeks.

My biggest fear moments usually come when DH doesn't turn up for lunch or dinner (which can happen quite often in farming) but once you have had the thought "I hope he is okay" it won't go away and then when I can't get him on his mobile you start to panic slightly. Then he turns up having been gossiping discussing farming matters with a neighbour or feed rep.

Yes we have a lovely house with a lovely view but the decor is stuck in the 1970's . But why decorate when you can buy a new trailer or dung spreader.

My DH is also of the opinion that if there is no meat then it isn't a meal.

at your cat being a ratter. The fat overfed blob we have sleeps so much that it is more use as a cushion or decorative object. Shoot the rat even if it is inside. Rats inside are up there with trying to hoover straw and small piles of grain trails all over the house.

Cantthinkof1 I got told a fantastic story by another farming WAG. Her DH had to look after the DS's (8 and10) for the day, and so took them with him to the hunt kennels where he was dropping off 2 dead sheep. The huntsman agreed to let them watch him cut up a dead horse whilst her DH dealt with various paperwork/chewed the fat with his friend. The DS's asked questions of the huntsman, as all farm DS's do and were suitably impressed with their day...

2 weeks later their grandmother died. The youngest DS went into school and ended up giving his new NQT teacher (been in the job 6 weeks) blow by blow account of what happened with dead bodies, how they were cut up with chainsaws, how intestines fell out, how the worms ate out the eyes and how the flesh rotted off the corpse. The same child also informed his friend that when a ram tups a ewe, it means that the rams penis is putting a baby in the ewe which is technically correct...

The teacher was so concerned by his knowledge, she called in the parents to ask what they'd been teaching him at home, because she felt it was inappropriate!

Farm boys are very "practical" children...

PMSL GentleOtter. I have a friend coming at 11.30, so I can just see her walking in and seeing me trying to shoot a rat under the sofa with a 2.2 rifle!! This is the same friend who first met DH when he was wielding a chainsaw trying to chop logs. She already thinks we are slightly barmy!

cantthinkof - we had a horrible scare last year when dh woke up then promptly had a heart attack in the kitchen. blames pies and gravy

The ambulance took him away then our little boy and I had to go and feed the cattle. I had absolutely no idea what to do.

Dh was thankfully ok but almost went mad when he had to rest and let eldest son and I run things. Of course we did not do things properly and he was champing at the bit watching us. He could not be idle as it was an alien thought. I almost had to duct tape him to the bed to make him rest.

We have 9 cats. ONE is the ratter and he likes to let live prey go in the lounge. The other 8 are of the opinion that Union Rules say "no hunting in the house". We've had a mouse living in the cat-food cupboard for the last 4 months. Can I catch the fucking thing? Can I fuck! We've tried live traps, snap traps, poison, shutting the (ratter) cat in the kitchen, leaving a friends JRT in the kitchen overnight... The bloody thing shits all over the traps, refuses to eat the poison, and plays dodge with both the cat and the JRT!

GentleOtter - have you got "incapacity/illness cover" for DH? If you don't, it might be worth doing. My DH broke his leg falling off the tractor prat and it meant that he could employ a skilled worker that he could bark orders at instead of me.

Leave your welly on it's side overnight then put it on in the morning with bare feet. guaranteed mouse will be in there and you will squash it to death then be traumatised.

Yes he has although he was not covered for a heart attack for some odd reason. He was covered when he almost removed his fingers in the bailer, broke his arm and some hideous mouth thing which made him look like Yoda.

Always around hay time....

Dh back so I am all ready to bale. Packed sandwich, water, chocolate and cigarettes.
Tonight, I will have a severe case of Bailer's Bum and the 10,000 yard stare so will look and feel like a zombie.Certainly walk like one.
Dh taking the children out for the day.

I cannot tell you how much this thread makes me chuckle!!

gentleotter that's scary about the heart attack. I do get worried about my Dad - you can see him working himself up into a fit that at his age and weight is one day, going to end up in a heart attack. Great your DH is back to normal though.

gentleotter that's an amazingly long time to have been on the same farm. Must be very special to the family.

quiettiger are we married to the same man?! If I say I'm walking to the village shop to buy a magazine I get told "I never treat myself - you treat yourself so often" - I buy a magazine about once a month and occasionally treat myself to a facial or a massage as compensation for living in jeans and skanky t shirts with scraped back hair and dirt under my nails. I'm hardly high maintenance! And we haven't got a working drier either!

Enjoy the sunshine today people

PS - wonder if any of us know each other in real life? It's such a small world there's always a link somewhere in the farming word!

Gentle I'm so glad to hear that your DH is better. It must have been a terrible shock for you. Plus, I can't imagine any farmer being happy at sitting down watching his DW do all the work! Perhaps that's why it is so hard to get PILs to retire....? And hope your bailer's bum doesn't hurt too much. A stiff whisky can usually help those things!

Can'tthink how old are your DCs? They sound like farmers in the making!

freerangelady I imagine there must be some links somewhere. I see Quiet has a degree in agrics - there are only so many institutions where you can acquire one of those!

Enjoying the sunshine; DCs are in the paddling pool shrieking and annoying the neighbours