I am a regular but have name changed for this.
Where do I begin.
In April, I moved out of our home with DD. I stayed with my family for 2 and a half months. During this time, there was a very bitter exchange of nasty text messages and a lot of hurt on both sides. We'd been going through so much; house move, job problems, financial problems/ debts, family issues (his), and I was 8 weeks pregnant and very sick. DH was being a complete nob, and I reached breaking point. So I moved out.
I'm back now, and trying to pick up the broken pieces. I had not anticipated the level of resentment and anger DH would be harbouring still. I came back to a huge pile of unopened mail which included two court summons for unpaid fines. He had a speeding offence which he's ignored as well. He talked to my DB during the time I was away, saying how depressed and suicidal he felt and how he would never forgive me for taking DD away from him. (he has a very close bond with dd). During the time I was away, I did allow him to take her at times, but admittedly made it difficult at other times due to his behaviour and nasty attitude towards me.
Anyway, I've dealt with all the paperwork which took days and that aspect is almost back on track. The current issue is that we had a huge row last week and DH took over DD's bedroom. He's taken all his things in there, the extra tv, DVD player, bed, clothes, and he has slept there for the past week. Two days ago, in the morning, he came into my bed and we had a cuddle and made up. I had missed him, and it seemed as though he had felt the same. That night, we made love and he told me how much he had missed me and how lonely he felt in the room alone, and I slept in 'his' room (with dd asleep in
the other room). Last night, he came to our shared bed and dd was there too, and he
started saying how comfortable 'his' room was and how comfy 'his' bed was. I said something along the lines of how he think he could 'use and abuse' and then just sleep in his 'own bed', which got him really angry and it started a whole new row. It ended in him taking dd and going to his own bed and sleeping there for the night.
Now Im five months pregnant and he isn't expressing a real interest in the pregnancy. He talks to dd about having a brother or sister but he doesn't talk to me about it at all. It breaks my heart because he was the one who was pleading for a second baby and now there's this unhappiness between us that is not what I imagined as a new beginning for my baby.
I do understand that he appears to be deliberately distancing himself from the new baby as he probably feels like I can just pick the kids up at any point and dissapear, like I did when I went away. I have done that several times before when I've reached boiling point, so he now expects it, and appears to be preparing himself for it, and protecting himself from further hurt.
I, on the other hand, am exhausted with a three year old all day and with the growing pregnancy. I'm not eating very well and I'm just feeling sad the whole time.
I don't want him to sleep in another room, and I don't want him to be so cold and distant, but I feel as though I don't have the right to say this because I went away for so long.
Thank you for reading if you got this far, I know it's long and fragmented, but fragmented is the way things are right now, and I don't know how to fix them without feeling hurt and sad.