" I love you". How often do you tell each other?

[OhEmGee24]

Up early with dd and this has been playing on my mind since talking to my sister last night. She is 26 and been married 10 months. Her H works abroad a lot, going away 2 out of every 6 weeks and yet she said they just don't tell each other hardly ever. It just seemed a bit odd to me, young newlyweds who must spend a great deal of time missing each other and yet that strong L word isn't shared enough. I know there's no rule on the issue and personal to everyone! I guess I'm polar opposite as my DP and I say it all the flipping time!

At the end of every phone call, and there are many, as we both work silly hours so spend a lot of time apart, and trying to organise child care, or a five mintue window to see each other. Also before going to sleep. Probably say itoo much, almost detracts from it's value. It's the out of the blue 'I love you' that is the best

Several times a day, every day.

With my exh, he told me three times in 15 years and two of those were after I'd told him it was over.

Every so often we say it to each other.
It's actions, not words that count for us.

Every single day, numerous times along with lots of cuddles and affection.

The last time dh said if was when Ds was born. Ds is 9.

My exH used to say it all the time, several times a day, every day and it was his go-to reaction if caught out for gittish behaviour. My current beau hardly ever says it but, then again, is not a git. On balance I'd rather have it said less often but sincerely rather than worn out with cynical over-use.

My DH never tells me

I tell him though.

I'd like to hear it, but it won't happen any time soon

Yes, I agree it can be over-used and then becomes a bit meaningless. We say it from time to time, but not as a regular "greeting". I prefer it this way, as I know when he does say it, he's not just saying it out of habit.

And as someone else said, actions speak louder than words. :)

All the time (together 3 yrs). But the cup of tea he brings me every morning means more to me. Actions definitely stronger than words

Every night before bed but it feels more habbit than an urge to say it iyswim. A guy i used to work with hardly ever said it even though it was clear that his dp was everything to him. He said he said it when he felt it but didn't over use it because the words became empty. I kind of see his point.

OMG Jumpy 2012 I was going to say exactly that! Right down to same number of years.

"Several times a day, every day. With my exh, he told me three times in 15 years and two of those were after I'd told him it was over."

Anyway, yes, at the end of every call or text, and lots of times face to face during the day. DH has been known to ring me back after a call to check he said it and say it again.

Slushy, slushy, i know.

Always in the evening, always just before we go to sleep. Been together for 23 years. DS texted me last night (after a row) and said "you don't know how much I love you, I love you so much". Now that was really special.

Said, and most definitely meant, daily.

Dh says it all the time and for some reason it irritates me.

I use it more sparingly, but will only say it if that is what I really feel that moment.

We have lots of sad conversations like this:
me: do you know where the boys' shin pads are?
him: no. I love you
me; right. I'd better go and look in the garage

It is like him hugging me whilst I do the dishes or something, I'd rather he showed his love by picking up a tea towel!

sad, I know. Long marriage. All is fine, really

Quite a lot, but not so much that it's meaningless.

I don't think my XW ever said it. I said it once early on in the relationship and she gave me a real tongue lashing "you can't possibly know that you mean that yet". I never said it again.

You'd have thought that would have given me a clue...

Not too often, just when we've "connected" in some way - you know, when he makes me laugh, or does something unexpected - hang out the washing as soon as the machine is done - same for him, e.g. if I ring his mum, or take "his" dog out.

Sometimes just for being there...

Sometimes say
I'd walk the wire for you

I'm suspicious of men who over use it. My ex said it every day, several times a day, and was particularly generous with his 'I love yous' when he was having an affair. I'd rather someone loved me through their actions rather than spouted meaningless words.

Every day, several times a day. Soppy I know!

Every day, several times.

But I don't think people not saying it is actually an indicator of whether or not they love each other. Some people simply don't use those terms.

My lovely MIL died very recently, and when she said goodbye to us for the last time (after a very short illness) she looked round the bed at me, DH and FIL, smiled beautifully, and said "Oh I do think ever such a lot of you all!"

What she meant of course was that she loved us. But she was a 74 year old Englishwoman and wasn't going to use such a soppy word!

I know you're talking about couples, which is a bit different - but you know what I mean.

Everyday, more or less, but we are both demonstrative people. Everyone needs to hear the words occasionally, but I don't think it's necessarily a red flag if a couple hardly ever says it. Actions are far more important.

Every text, every phone call and always first thing in the morning and last thing at night

Every day for the last 40 years.Usually last thing at night but quite often at other times.

DP & I have been seeing each other for almost a year. We do not live together. We speak on the phone most nights. We see each other once or twice a week / every weekend. We say it every time we finish a phone call and every time we say goodbye when we see each other. We also often say it when we are, well, doing it. And occasionally other times too.

XDW & I? I don't remember. We must have said it. I try to forget as much of that marriage as possible.