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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Just Friends?

28 replies

Jinx1906 · 17/07/2012 13:18

Last night a very teary friend popped in with a bottle of wine and her DH's mobile phone, who is currently in bed with manflu.

W - Hi, How are you feeling today

M - Better, thanks for asking, Very sweet

W - That is because I'm nice.

M - I know, I said that before, think you are very nice.

W - I think you are very nice too.

I have known this couple for many years and I can not believe that he would be having and A/EA. I told my friend that I can not make up my mind either way. She knows that I'm posting this here. Any opinions please. Could this be messages exchanged between two friends. (All ended with smiley face and X).

OP posts:

pictish · 17/07/2012 13:20

I can see why she's questioning it, but it just reads as between mates to me.

If anything, W is the keener.

MsOliveOyl · 17/07/2012 13:25

Could be just texts between good friends. If she knows they are good friends then there's nothing to be worried about. If, on the other hand, he hasn't mentioned this woman to her, then I'd be more suspicious. Why is she checking her DH's phone?

Original poster

Jinx1906 · 17/07/2012 13:33

I asked her if she often checks his phone and she doesn't. He was sleeping because he is not feeling well. The phone kept beeping because it needed charges so she picked it up and charged it for him than she saw an unread message from someone else, which made her notice these as well. The know the person he is exchanging the texts with but she was not aware that they were texting one another.

MsOlive - it is interesting that you are saying that the W seems keener. The line that stuck out to me was " I said that before.. think you are very nice".

OP posts:

MsOliveOyl · 17/07/2012 13:37

Hi OP, it was pictish who said W seems keener not me :)

I disagree - his 'very sweet' and 'I said that before' make him seem keener to me.

But it's all very mild really!

Original poster

Jinx1906 · 17/07/2012 13:39

MsOlive - it is interesting that you are saying that the W seems keener. The line that stuck out to me was " I said that before.. think you are very nice".

Sorry that should have read Pictish. I blame the wine, I just can't hold my drink anymore...

OP posts:

Taghain · 17/07/2012 13:51

There's nothing in it.
Anyone who tells another person they are sweet, is saying that they may be nice but not fanciable.

Alurkatsoftplay · 17/07/2012 13:57

I wouldn't like it. Why has he already told her how sweet she is? Why does the wife not know they have been texting? Why is the woman texting him banal 'how are you' texts? Weird.
She is right to be suspicious.

Original poster

Jinx1906 · 17/07/2012 14:00

Really pleased so far most of you seem to think it is more than friends. That is what I thought when I first saw the messages but the more I read them and saw how worried she is and the more wine we drunk the more I started to doubt myself.

What troubles me though is that they both know this woman, but that she had no idea that this woman and her DH are exchanging text msgs.

OP posts:

Original poster

Jinx1906 · 17/07/2012 14:01

Should read no more than friends..

I need more paracetamol.

OP posts:

Alurkatsoftplay · 17/07/2012 14:03

There is no way I would be texting a married man that, especially if I didn't know the wife very well.

MsOliveOyl · 17/07/2012 14:04

"What troubles me though is that they both know this woman, but that she had no idea that this woman and her DH are exchanging text msgs."

fluffyraggies · 17/07/2012 14:46

It is all pretty mild as someone up thread said

but

if it was me trying to gauge this and work out if it was just pure matey chat i'd ask myself if the exchange between them would be likely if it were 2 blokes ....

hmmm .... can't picture it myself but then i am a jealous, suspicious moo

Original poster

Jinx1906 · 17/07/2012 15:30

I see the point but if the conversation was between 2 men the vocab would be totally different wouldn't it? One of my female friends often opens a text with Hi Hun but I don't think my DH would be impressed in one of his mates would call him that.

OP posts:

Alurkatsoftplay · 17/07/2012 15:34

It's not matey at all. Its a new female friend and they are texting behind the wifeS back. She isn't asking about his wife is she?
There is no purpose in the texts other than to make contact and flirt.
Yuk.

Jemma1111 · 17/07/2012 15:45

I think your friends best to not confront her H at this moment in time but just act normal and keep a closer eye on him, looking for other possible signs of an affair .

Or she could pose as her H and text this woman to see if anything is going on maybe ,

I also think something's going on or is about to.

fluffyraggies · 17/07/2012 16:37

Yeah Jinx you're right about the 2 women different vocab thing - i did think that too - but it isn't 2 women is it. That's the point. It's a man and a woman.

If it's any help i showed your OP to my DH without giving him my own thoughts and his immediate reaction was - "Ohhh dear". Then - "That's flirting". He said he'd be none too happy to see a convo like that between me and another bloke.

Anyway - here's hoping it is nothing. How your friend handles it is ultimately going to be up to her as we are all different in our relationships. But personally i advise you to be advising her not to ignore it.

UsedtobeLou · 17/07/2012 16:37

It is probably harmless but that doesn't stop it from being inappropriate! Some men seem to have a tendancy to be over friendly just to be polite.

My DH is a bit like this in the fact that he always puts a kiss on texts/e-mail (to anyone - in fact he accidentally did this to a man at work). The content is not like your friends husbands text but still could be taken the wrong way.

I would be unhappy if my DH had sent these but I don't think I would confront him at this stage.

UsedtobeLou · 17/07/2012 16:39

Sorry I should have said I would do some digging if I was her!

Ahhhtetley · 17/07/2012 17:06

Tell her to keep an eye on things but not to get too wound up about it.

If he is up to no good, she'll soon find out if he's leaving stuff like that on his phone.

vintagewarrior · 17/07/2012 17:41

That doesnt look so innocent to me. Looks like 2 attached people possibly contemplating / having EA.
Ex OM & myself text like that incase anyone ever read it.

RobinScherbatsky · 17/07/2012 17:52

It is definitely flirtatious- your friend is right to be suspicious and needs to have it out with him.

Original poster

Jinx1906 · 17/07/2012 23:51

thanks, meeting up with my friend on Friday evening, will print these messages and take them with me.

I really hope this all goes away one way or the other, they seem such a nice couple. Really sad..

OP posts:

Mayisout · 18/07/2012 18:41

We need more info. Does he work with OW, so she might txt to ask how he is. Is OW married? How does OW know husband, txts might be innocent but it depends on what their relationship is, is she related to husband? How would she know he is ill?etc etc?

Mayisout · 18/07/2012 18:42

Also if he leaves phone around unlocked it is probably innocent.

Less · 18/07/2012 19:03

Hmm. All those messages seem to me about making contact, rather than the actual content of the messages iyswim.

It might be appropriate for a friend to text asking how he is, but there was no need to reply after he said he was fine or for it to keep going backwards and forwards.

It doesn't mean anything untoward has happened yet but it does mean these are two people who need/want to be in touch with each other when there's no real reason to.

IMO even close friends only really get in touch when they have an actual reason, or maybe when they become aware they haven't done so for weeks, but that doesn't seem the case here,

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