My husband, for example, is a twat

[ClaireFromWork]

Two years ago I was diagnosed with cancer. I underwent surgery followed by 4 months of chemo that made me lose my hair, my nails, the lining of my mouth, large amounts of skin, etc etc I could go on and on. Tonight he tells me his research indicates that chemo doesn't work.

He's uber intelligent, hugely logical and he KNOWS I take a lot of his (normallly excellent) advice.

Tonight he has undermined my faith in my treatment. He is, therefore, a twat.

What if he hope to gain from this dis closure? Obviously it does work in some cases otherwise it would not still be used

I agree he is (on this subject) a twat of the highest order.

Having personal and intimate knowledge of chemotherapy may I take this moment to say that chemo. CAN and DOES work.

Now tell him to go and boil his head because clearly he has lost sight of you the person who went through all of that in order to stay alive and be with him

It does so! My dear friend's mum had a mastectomy, cancer had unfortunately spread to the lymph nodes, after a course of chemo she got the all clear and has been well for two years.

I don't know what he wants from this disclosure.

Hw didn't have a useful alternative. Twat.

Is he a cancer researcher? And was this research looking at the specific cancer and chemo that you've had?

Chemo does work. I'm sorry you have been ill and have had or are having such gruelling treatment. Perhaps you could discuss your treatment and chemo with your own doctors if you're worried now?

Lymph nodes too here. Two yrs ago. Still shit scared of recurrence.

My father is inclined to read out and discourse on this kind of twaddle. My mother in remission after life saving chemo is inclined to loudly inform him of his cuntery. She has been known to throw stuff too. He learnt to desist.

No, he's a lawyer.

He's quite specific in his research and annoyingly usually right.

Honey - cuntery - yy. Most excellent description.

I agree Claire your husband, for example, is a twat. What a pointless and hurtful thing to say. Mind you I know many lawyers and lots of them are twats too. AFAIK it's not a requirement of The Law Society though

Individuals defy statistics all the time.

In a way....could he be being all factual as a coping mechanism?

How fucking horrid for you. I hope you start to feel a lot better soon.

My FIL has a rep for saying the worst possible thing all the time, for example--

Me holding my newborn baby, he starts to tell me a story about a new mum who is suffering PND and how she suffocates her baby, and I quote "Apparently it is quite common you know Nil" Talk about saying the wrong thing!

Suggest you take careful aim and throw large legal tome at husband's head...suggesting that unless he has unearthed some wonderful, painfree and super-dooper alternative you will be sticking with medically approved, trialled and written up therapies.

Also (when his headache clears) tell him from me that he has probably been reading the trials on long term follow up of chemo from 25 years ago...that nothing in life is certain but that in general we try hard not to poison people for no reason.

PS You keep positive because you will have had the best treatment for you at the time, of course you are scared (and probably so is he thus producing twattery) but 2 years is good....keep on keeping on

Clare, it is unlikely that the oncologist would not have given Chemo unless there was a statistically significant chance that it would have a positive effect on your long term survival. Its not handed out like sweets.

Cancer trial data is exceptionally complicated. I would suggest you take your advice from your Oncologist, who will have trained for many yours to interpret it. Unlike your husband's training, which in the end of the day probably consists of having learned to use a mouse and connect to the internet.

Twat indeed.

Nearly 8 years for me.Lymph nodes included. Full mastectomy, 2 types of chemo (2 trials) and radiotherapy .

It has all worked well so far for me -although my oncologist would argue with the idea of anyone with a breast cancer diagnosis being declared 'all clear' at any point.

Yes your DH is a twat -but perhaps mine is just as much of a Twat since he told me during chemo that being bald didnt suit me.

Yes, a TWAT. I'm so sorry.
I do hope he realises his insensitive twattery.

Oh Claire, I'm so sorry for what you're going through and I wish you the best. I agree your husband is a twat but I have to say your thread title is bloody hilarious.
I wish I had a husband just so I could use that sentence.

Have been thinking about this. I think you'd be well within your rights to take a blunt instrument to his nadgers and then withold pain killers until you've had time to research their effectiveness. Then have a nice coffee and mnet session whilst "researching", whisky ignoring back ground groaning.

Whilst - not whisky , although you can have a whisky if you want.

OP I am sorry that you are going through this with a less than supportive partner. Do not listen to his efforts to undermine your treatment. Trust your oncologist on this one. Cancer is a devastating diagnosis and you need someone who is going to be fully supportive physically, mentally and emotionally to give you the best chance of overcoming your cancer. Your outlook needs to remain positive to make the best of your treatment.

Would sitting down and discussing this with him be worthwhile? Its just that your support system needs to be fully on board with you while you go through this journey, as the treatment phase of the cancer is only the start of things..... Ask me how I know .

Hope this helps

Well, I had cancer of the lymph nodes more than 25 years ago, and it was either the chemo that cured me or the beer and fags that I took at the time. If I ever got it again, I think that I'd trust the chemo rather than the beer and fags, but I may continue taking the beer just in case ......
(Oh, and Claire, I shat myself about a recurrence for about the first 5 years. The worry does get less in time, and the chance of a recurrence gets exponentially smaller. If you do hear about a recurrence, don't forget that you never hear about a non-recurrence).

I lost my hair too, and ended up balder than a chimp's arse. The hair came back, but now its starting to go again, but I suspect that's because I'm male and of a certain age.

If you do need anyone to argue with your DP, send him round to me. I'm not too bad with the logic myself. On the other hand, you could always tell him to shut up, or you'll spend the next 30 years or more telling him how wrong he is!

Have fun!

careless dad what a lovely post.
CLaire he has obviously engaged mouth before engaging brain. I send you good thoughts and best wishes x

A little knowledge, particularly if gained from t'internet , can be a dangerous thing. x

Not as intelligent as you think, because chemo does work. There is a vast body of scientific evidence supporting this.

Good luck with your treatment.

blows kiss I'm so sorry..indeed peckerhead..