My husband, for example, is a twat

[ClaireFromWork]

Two years ago I was diagnosed with cancer. I underwent surgery followed by 4 months of chemo that made me lose my hair, my nails, the lining of my mouth, large amounts of skin, etc etc I could go on and on. Tonight he tells me his research indicates that chemo doesn't work.

He's uber intelligent, hugely logical and he KNOWS I take a lot of his (normallly excellent) advice.

Tonight he has undermined my faith in my treatment. He is, therefore, a twat.

Does his so called research means that he just reads off the internet?If so then he's a twat.If he has gone into depth and got himself a PHD in oncolggy then fair enough.However he is still a twat and a very unkind man for making such a sweeping statement.What a jumped up little shit.Sorry for you trouble.

Claire I'm so sorry you are going through this and having to listen to him

He is a lawyer
He is a lawyer who has been on t'internet
He is a lawyer who has been on t'internet and has a receptive audience.

Thus his pomposity rating will be at its peak and this indeed, makes a twat. Ignore, extract compensation and get well soon.

Yep your dh is a twat- and everyone knows dr google is a quack.

Massive sympathy as chemo strips you emotionally and physically (am going thru it yourself).

Also if you fancy coming to chat with people who have gone through or are going through it tamixifen. Don't be put off by thread title - not all about tamoxifen .

This book also good on practical coping techniques handbook.

A little knowledge is a dangerous thing. There's nothing worse than a layman looking up some random studies on PubMed and convincing himself he's an expert.

Chemo does work but it's a blunt instrument and is a pretty brutal treatment (as you have unfortunately had to experience first-hand) so considering it's massive invasiveness it's not that effective. Maybe that's all the study he read said? It definitely does work though and in some cancers more than others. I'm sure your doctors would have given you a good prognosis when you completed your treatment so listen to them not your armchair surgeon husband.

You have my sympathy op, your dh is a complete Knobhead for stating something which is clearly untrue!

Is he your Oncologist?-if he isn't he knows nothing of you particular cancer treatment.
What use is this useless information to you apart from giving you false info and making you feel unhopeful.

Chemotherapy is only used if they think it is going to kill the cancer or it can be used to prolong life, im sure your particular doctor knows what he is doing and is hopeful your treatment is going to work.
What may not work for some doesn't mean to say it doesn't work for others!-2 of my family members have died from bastard cancer but i also know people that have had chemo and survived so i can and does happen.
Have faith in your treatment and get rid of your dh as he is a dick, don't listen to his mindless twaddle, talk about kicking someone when they're down!!

so what was his purpose in telling you that? What was he trying to say? That the treatment you had did nothing? That you are in remission by coincidence? Or what?

I think you need to challenge him. You need to tell him that he has upset and frightened you. You need to ask him what he hoped to achieve by telling you this, what he feels the point was of telling you this.

He needs to be made to justify himself.

bloody hell, let me at him! I'll ruddy do it!

dwpanxt thats vile. Hope you realise how ridiculous a statement that is. Did you get rid or did he redeem himself another way?

Op maybe he's panicing and talking shit?

Twat.

Would you like an angry MN mob to come and throw books at him until he stops?

Chemo worked for my mum. Not sure what he is chatting about, twat.

Or simply say

Twatty dh, you are an intelligent man, and I respect the fact that you have a right to an opinion. But when it comes to my body, and my cancer than as a supportive partner and decent person you only have the right to my opinion.

If you want to discuss and go into this theory more, than we shall do so when you have cancer.

Morning.

He is in absolutely no doubt that I consider this statement to be evidence of high twattery. I think I witnessed him eating a small slice of humble pie at breakfast this morning.

Thank you everyone for your support - I did wonder if I was over-reacting, but I have the power of the masses backing me up.

I think if it comes back he wants me to go vegan / raw foods etc which is OK but he can't see how that impacts on quality of life. As it is I've given up all dairy and red meat so I've done more than a lot of people.

For those who suggested it is his coping mechanism you're right. He's so logical and pragmatic that anything else isn't relevant (e.g. emotion), particularly if it's in the past (and as I had chemo 2 years ago then it's past for him even though I still feel the effects of it daily).

When he's not the king of logic and twattery he has been amazing - totally supportive and he has got me through some dark, dark times. I couldn't have done it without him. It has tested him too but he's never once complained, or ever said that being bald didn't suit me ( for dwpanxt)

Big hugs to everyone who's had a the twatting misfortune to enter into the cancer world, either themselves or for their loved ones. Gigondas - can you wave to the ladies on the tamoxifen site for me pls - I was Pennies on there when I was going through treatment. I don't really go on it now because I'm easily scared and sometimes just reading one person's symptoms even if just a throw away comment can send me utterly bonkers and have me rushing to my oncologist, who at one point almost considered suggesting I became her lodger as I was there so much. I need to step away from it IYKWIM.

Claire,

I would take advice from professionals based on evidence gleaned from double blind clinical trials, not from a lawyer who may well be bright in a legal sense but is clearly not in a scientific sense.

I have no idea if there is any real evidence that dietary modification helps in cancer treatment, though I have read no evidence in support of it. Personally, I would have thought you would be going through enough without restricting the pleasure of eating whatever you are in the mood for.

I looked great bald. Not shaving my legs was a bonus. Chemo was rough but it worked for me too x

Er he wants you to go vegan / eat raw foods if your cancer comes back? Presumably he'll be joining you on that regime? Has he joined you in your current no red meat no dairy diet?

TBH that snapshot of his views makes him sound somewhat controlling. Perhaps that is an understandable reaction to an illness and treatment that is out of your (and his) control.

Give him a break. It's hard for the people around you too, he hasn't had a walk in the park the last two years.
Do he said something stupid, no need to be so nasty.

To be honest the 'rawfoods suggestion' puts it al into perspective. I would wager he has read a lot of 'alternative' websites where there is a general mistrust of modern medicine, and a lot of advice that if you buy a certain crystal/herbal supplement/masage tool (all conveniently advertised on same pages) then you will miraculously recover. There are benefits to eating a lot of fruit and veg whatever your state of health, and perhaps it from this that his ideas stem. get him the ben goldacre book (is that the right one? the guardian guy who wrote bad science) and let him read that as well.

and then tell him you have found that what you really need is 2 weeks in the luxery hotel of your choice for treatment.