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Original poster

a quick question about sex....

32 replies

OhWhatAPalaver · 16/07/2012 16:35

how many times a day/week/month/year do you all do it?

OH is complaining that we don't do it enough anymore. i kinda agree but we have a very demanding 6 month old and finding time is hard! we usually only manage once a week at the most, if that. OH says this isn't enough, which i understand as we used to rarely miss a day, but these days i usually fall asleep before we can get round to any action! Blush

OP posts:
BelieveInPink · 16/07/2012 16:42

Mostly it's every other day. Sometimes it's more sometimes it's less. That's way above average I'd say though.

To be honest I never really did the excuse of children making me tired. Yeah life is tiring but it helps to make the effort. Sure that will go down like a shit in a spacesuit but whatever.

No idea what the average is.

Malificence · 16/07/2012 16:43

Once a week is a veritable shag-fest with a 6 month old around, tell him to get used to it.
Some people haven't had sex even once by the time the baby is 6 months old, he should be bloody grateful.
How would he go on if he worked away?

He sounds a bit pathetic tbh.

dranksinatra · 16/07/2012 16:49

If you both want more, half the battle is won, next is finding time.

Spice17 · 16/07/2012 16:51

Oh dear, bit of a raw nerve for me at the moment as am 28 weeks pregnant and don't feel sexy at all and poor DH is getting quite frustrated. Also, I think he thinks I don't want to/fancy him :( Not had for about 2-3 months.

How can I get in the mood to dtd and not feel like a disgusting cow/whale? Sorry to hijack thread OP! :)

lauratheexplorer · 16/07/2012 16:53

Twice a week. Lately once a week.

Malificence · 16/07/2012 16:54

Sex when you're really tired is crap, it's mostly about the man getting his rocks off and nothing else - that is the fastest way to resentment.

Would he rather have good sex once a week when you are fully engaged or a perfunctory fumble every couple of days simply to despunk him?

If he's feeling frustrated, he's got hands, yes?

MyinnergoddessisatLidl · 16/07/2012 16:59

Not even once a week, looked forward to holiday full of it, staying in a huge place with family, but it was too hot to have sweaty dripping skin sliding and slapping all over each other.

Is it tiredness, or guilt, op? I used to feel awful even doing anything in the house when dc was tiny. Totally irrational as he's more likely to walk in now. Still get the best on "sleepover nights", followed by a nice cup of tea in bed! Grin

Even if you can't keep up the sex, can you do more on the affection side? A lot of men put this together with sex, but actually they miss the attention I think....a bath together/shower together, cuddle etc?

overmydeadbody · 16/07/2012 17:00

If ou both want it more, and it's simply a case of you falling asleep before you get to any action, could you try having sex at other times of the day? Especially at the weekends.

Sex doesn't have to take long, and, like most exercise, it can actually boost your energy levels, so it could be worth putting in the effort to increase it to more than once a week.

Secret7 · 16/07/2012 17:00

Maybe you ought to reconsider what time of day you have sex. Instead of dtd when you go to bed and are tired why don't you do it when little one goes to bed or has a nap?

Not sure what our average is. Sometimes we can manage 3 times in one weekend and sometimes we can go for a couple of weeks without.

Original poster
OhWhatAPalaver · 16/07/2012 17:02

Malificence - yes he most definitely has hands! he has always had a massively high sex drive and makes it no secret that he bangs one out most nights. i have no issue with that as it takes some pressure off me! however he is getting bored of this and wants us to step it up again.

Spice - i was the same when preg. spooning was the only way and it was a bit dull for us both. it's only now that we are getting back in to the swing of things! your perfectly normal don't worry.

OP posts:
MrsBucketxx · 16/07/2012 17:06

ours is about three or four times a week. depends if dh is here as he works away.

try changing the time of day so you have more energy. maybe while your dc naps at weekends or when you are both together. i struggle at night after a long day way too tired.

MrsBucketxx · 16/07/2012 17:09

op that seems pretty offensive to me thats more about the sexual act then sex with you.

could you not put your baby to sleep set up some candles wine a massage. make it about connecting not just wham bam so to speak.

JennerOSity · 16/07/2012 17:11

Once a week when ds was 6mo was about all we managed too, for us the hardest part was losing the spontaneity rather than the tiredness, as you have to grab the windows of opportunity when you can as opposed to when you fancy it, so that makes it a little 'choresy' to commence seduction.

Think 'oh look baby is asleep, quick get your knickers off and get in the mood' even though it is worth it when you do! Grin

Once he was more predictable it got a bit more back to normal so more like 3 x week.

Original poster
OhWhatAPalaver · 16/07/2012 17:12

it's definitely not guilt, DD can sleep quite soundly in her room so ok on that front :)

we do usually try in the day as he works lates/nights anyway, but either DD wakes up or something always seems to get in the way lately. i feel like i've not got time to just sit and have a brew some days!

OP posts:
Original poster
OhWhatAPalaver · 16/07/2012 17:15

he has said he misses the passion, which is why he's now sick of banging one out. he misses being with me in that way. i do miss it too. i can't wait till DD is more predictable - she is VERY unpredictable at the mo - and then maybe we'll be able to grab those windows of opportunity!!

OP posts:
JennerOSity · 16/07/2012 17:16

IMO if he wants you to feel more frisky he should lay off complaining about his lot and heaping guilt and massive hints on you which is just making you feel like it is one more thing you have to try to find time for and spend more time giving you tlc/helping hand/loving touches the rest of the time.

Currently he is pursuing a counter productive approach to getting what he wants. If he was smart he would achieve better results if he thought more about what he could do to help you to be in a position emotionally/physically/logistically to feel sexy!

Some men are not too bright are they, bit of creative thinking would get him what he wanted faster than his carping.

MrsBucketxx · 16/07/2012 17:38

exactly jenner he needs to woo op again so sex seems better than a cuppa.

Busybusybust · 16/07/2012 17:50

When mine wanted more, when the dcs were little, and, inevitably started 'fumbling' and I wasn't in the mood, I'd say 'persuade me'.............. So he did!!!!!! and I got lots of lovely foreplay. Worked (nearly) every time!

Flisspaps · 16/07/2012 17:51

Once in four months, BF and co-sleeping with a 13wo is a total libido killer!

trophymice · 16/07/2012 20:38

4-5 times a week, we have a teenager though and the nights off are because one of us is out for the evening on those nights. I still like sex when I'm tired, it helps me get to sleep and I'm generally more up for it than DH.

Offred · 16/07/2012 20:49

We have sex most days if I have my way, DH is sometimes tired or stressed. However even though I am the one with the high libido we didn't have sex at all until the twins were 14 months (and hadn't for a good proportion of the pregnancy. I don't think it is fair of him to pressure you. What does he mean by "enough" surely that depends on how often you both want to do it?

2cats2many · 16/07/2012 20:53

God, I'd love it to be once a week. I'm lucky if my DH is interested twice a month. We have very mismatched libidos Sad

Greatauntirene · 17/07/2012 08:12

A six month old isn't going to walk in on you at it so couldn't you grab a chance at different times of the day, when she is occupied or asleep. By bedtime you are prob too knackered.

PaperBagPrincess · 17/07/2012 17:16

When my children were that age, maybe once a month and even then i could barely be bothered.

They are primary school now and we are at it like rabbits Smile.

ZhenThereWereTwo · 17/07/2012 17:31

My youngest is nearly 5 months and I have a 3 year old. It is not easy to find time as by the time the kids are in bed if you spend quality time talking or watch a film it is very late before any intimacy happens which leaves me not functioning properly the next day. We are trying to manage 3 times a week by going to bed early then waking up early for a snatched intimate moment before the kids wake as well as the odd late night.

It is hard to understand what the other partner feels like when you are knackered, feeling like a milking machine and hormonal. For all those saying that he shouldn't say anything, surely honesty is important in a relationship and he is saying he misses the passion and intimacy which is understandable. Obviously you shouldn't just go through the motions if you really don't want to, but it is important to listen to him as your partner just as he should listen to your needs.

He could give you morning lie-ins in return for the odd late night on the weekend so that you could have more intimate time or if your baby takes a bottle of breast milk or formula he could do a night feed to let you rest.

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