Hi lovely and wonderful and amazing ladies. Please stop making me cry, you are literally incredible. I never knew there were such caring, eloquent, genuine, beautiful people out there (sorry for sounding like a left over relic from the flower power era).
Been feeling so guilty about not updating you all (and I know you don't expect it, and I know you're all busy with your own lives - but i also know that you care). Have not had a moment to myself - this is the first time I've been on PC since my last post.
So, Dh is still in ITU. They were hoping to have got him out of there several days ago, but his blood pressure is still too low and they can't get the anti-coagulant dosages right. However, he has all his drains, neck lines, arterial lines etc out, and from a cardiac point of view, is doing amazingly well. Dr Dismissive (I'm going to call him Dr Hero from now on because that's what he's become, and sorry for ever doubting him) is truly confounded. He says virtually every day that it was the craziest operation amongst many crazy operations he's done in his career, and he can't believe dh's recovery. He sort of gazes admiringly at dh and sighs lovingly whenever he sees him!
Dh hasn't been able to move around much to date (as lines etc only came out yesterday) so he's not had to put too much strain on anything, and the surgical team keep telling us it's early days. They want him to go to renal ITU now as they're worried about risk of infection, but there are no available beds there at the moment.
Whilst in ITU dh has been dialysed with a filtration machine, which is a different type of dialysis to that which he usually has. It hasn't worked very well, which means that since the op on 3rd, he hasn't had any decent, good quality dialysis. This means he has lots of extra fluid and toxins on board - and extra, and very unwanted, stress on his heart. Yesterday he was getting very upset about this, as was Dr Hero, but he was promised he would get proper dialysis before the day was out. Unfortunately he didn't and when Dr Hero was told this on this morning's ward round he was, according to dh, "as near to angry as I've seen him be". So this morning, it was Dr Hero's turn to contact the Clinical Director and kick up a fuss about the situation! I sense that the J & J name will be a byword in that hospital for pains in the behind before too long!
I can't tell you all how I feel. Actually, in all honesty, I don't know how I feel. I think I'm trying not to (feel). On Friday, I saw dh's renal consultant who must have been alarmed by my big smile because he was at pains to point out that it's early days and dh isn't out of the woods yet etc. He's a lovely man who has known us a long time now, so I sense he is speaking out of concern for us, and not to try and scaremonger. He told me after the op that they really didn't think dh would still be with us so maybe, knowing a lot more than I do, he can appreciate the enormity of the situation. I don't know. For now, I just give thanks to whoever is up there, and to all of you out there, that dh is here still. He hasn't wanted to see anyone yet but on Friday it's ds1's 19th birthday (I so can't believe that) so ds1 and dd are going to come with me to visit him (ds2 is very squeamish and doesn't want to come, and ds3 is too young). He's (dh) harbouring a hope that he will be out of hospital and well enough to come with me to take ds1 to uni on the weekend after next, but I don't think that will happen.
Which reminds me, thank you for all the advice about ds and going off to study. He's still saying he doesn't want to go, but I sense a lack of resolve now, unlike when he first mentioned it. I think now he does want to go but feels guilty about doing so. And, again, sorry for not responding to all of you by name, but I have read every post (well tried too through the blurry eyes) and how comforting to see you all, old and new. How lucky have I been to have had such incredible support from you all? Particularly as have had no family support - my own parents are elderly, (and dm abroad anyway for now), and we're not in touch with dh's parents. So, other than real life friends (who have also been brilliant, but it makes me very uncomfortable having to accept favours, it stresses me out almost - is that normal?!) you lot have been my only salvation. Dh had read the thread up to the point he went in to hospital so was aware of you all, and like me, in awe of the warmth and caring that has been shown, but when he is a bit stronger, I will read him the posts since then. They will move him to tears, as they have me.
I've been fantasising that Dr Hero will write up a big review (not sure that's the right word!) on dh and his most difficult operation, and take dh on a world wide lecture tour with him, thus making both his, and our, fortunes (although, truth be told, Dr Hero, is already pretty well known). In which case, you can all attend the lectures and dh can namecheck and thank you in person. And you, in turn, can get to see the stranger you have helped to survive
I sense I'm rambling now, and getting a bit carried away by my never-going-to-happen scenario, so better go and buy some food for my poor neglected dc! x