I've gone into complete panic mode. Verging on hibernation mode. Please help.

[JackieandJudy]

Dh is ill, and has been since just after we met. Over the years we've had so much to deal with, and I think it would be fair to say that I have dealt with most of it reasonably well (I'm generally ok at coping when things are going wrong, it's usually afterwards I have a bit of a wobble).

The situation is slightly different this time in that, instead of finding ourselves in the middle of an emergency, he has a planned operation coming up for next Monday. And I'm so bloody scared. The odds we have been given are not good. I can't stop thinking about Monday and am constantly doing the "what if ...?" thing. The elder dc know it's serious stuff coming up and are scared themselves, hence are looking to us for guidance and reassurance. I've tried but today I'm all out of trying and have locked myself in the bedroom. Smallest dc knows Dad has to go to hospital but is oblivious of the wider implications.

I'm shaking constantly. I keep crying at random moments (yes, that was me in Sainsbury's who cried when I dropped the apples!), I can't do this for another week. But I have to. I don't want to talk to rl friends as I will cry and I don't want anyone feeling sorry for me anyway.

But I'm happy to listen if any of you lovely ladies have any ways to help me get through this week, and possibly after.

Bumping into the UK day. I'll be around from your evening and through the night again if you need me JandJ. Hope you find something nice to do today to make heading to the hospital easier. More tough leave taking of your DCs. Am praying for happy and healthy reunions very soon.

Good morning JandJ. I hope all goes well today with DH's admission to hospital. Wishing you all the strength you need and sending you love and prayers.

Hi. Sorry I am a bit late today - dd is cooking which is a stressful experience for us all! Hi J and J, I hope your dh's admittance to Hospital goes smoothly today and your dcs are ok when he leaves. I have been, and will be thinking of you all. Take care and please, look after yourself too.

SadWidow I wish you peace on this anniversary. I can't imagine what you have been through but you and your dh were truly blessed to have found each other. I'm sure you will again.

Homebird I hope your friend's mum's op goes smoothly and she recovers well. I know what you mean about realising that our troubles are small compared to others. I have been guilty in the past of being a bit of a drama llama about things which really don't matter.

Izzy I trust life is still good in the States and your folks are happy and well.

Fool - wherever you are at the moment, I hope you are ok.

I too am sending you my love and prayers JandJ. Draw strength from all the love surrounding you. Hold onto our hands.

SadWidow, I am thinking about you today, as it is also just over eleven years since my precious husband died. I was lucky to be loved and cherished by this special man. However, I am desolate at the moment, as I have had to say goodbye to Luna, my beautiful little Yorkie. I held her whilst she went into her final sleep. So sad.

Thinking of you and your H J&J hoping all goes well xx

Also thinking of you too today sadwidow xx

Sorry about your dog Forever xx

Today is a mixed day - sometimes leaky eyes and sometimes laughter. But that is what anniversaries are about. I thought I had traded my leaky eyes in for the better models years ago.... but no... they still have a go at leaking!

So today, I offered my Sunday Mass for everyone on this thread - and 'put a mass in' for JandJ's DH. (That mass will be said tomorrow especially for JandJ's DH.)

I then took the dog to the clearing again. We laid on his fleece and looked at the sky through the trees. We listened to the rustle of the breeze through the leaves..... well I listened, I think the dog was snoozing on the fleece by this time! Norty dog!!

So 3 more Mysteries of the Rosary were offered for JandJ's DH and her family.

I received a very unexpected phone call from LN's Mum this afternoon (I am the emergency contact whilst she has 4 days away with new boyfriend and LN is at Scout Camp). She said, "I saw the most beautiful sunset last night and felt I had to phone you. Is there someone you are praying for?" leaky eyes!

LN's Mum is not a believer of any recognised faith - but she has learnt how to pray whilst she faced her cancer! So I think the Sunset (with green lights) was for your DH JandJ. I thanked her for telling me and said I would let the person know who I believe needed the message.

So chuck me off this thread before I disgrace myself again. I promise to come back with vigour and vervour tomorrow. It's just today that I feel my own loss again. But I am okay! I am praying so hard that JandJ doesn't land on my path - in fact - if I see her here, I am sending her back to DH's side! The widow's journey is not her path yet............... I promise you! My DH is watching

ForeverAutumn, I feel for you. I know that some people don't understand the bond between people and animals. That is not because they don't like animals, it is just because they have never experienced a special bond.

If you need me for a chat, please send a PM. I do understand your grief which is so raw.

for foreverautumn and sad widow

Thinking of you both.

What an emotional day for many on this important thread. I came to post for JandJ obviously but I am sending thoughts of love, light and positivity to all of you, especially Sadwidow and Foreverautumn on this difficult day.

JandJ there is no shame in honest emotions. I hope all the virtual handholding, thoughts and prayers from around the world will be a small comfort to you and all your family. Best wishes to you all in the days ahead.

Hope all is ging well at the hospital JandJ and that your DH's name has appeared on all the right lists and the tests are favourable. It just needs to go ahead now for all of you despite the uncertainty.

My prayers are for you all to keep breathing in, and remembering to breathe out again. Slowly, steadily and with your hands held from all over the world.

I'm here for the night shift again and will keep checking in. Hoping you'll get some sleep but reach out if you need someone.

Foreverautumn I'm sorry to hear about your beloved dog. I was really upset when dd's hamster died last year and was told by a friend 'But it was just a hamster'. It was the first pet I felt very close to though and I missed her for a long time.

Still thinking of you J and J. Hope you manage some sleep tonight.

And a quick bumpety bump because this thread is dropping down the page and JandJ might not find it when she comes home tonight.

Hello lovely ladies, (and sorry if that sounds corny but you are all lovely, and I'm assuming you're all ladies). I feel so honoured to have you all on board, you are all amazing. I don't have the strong faith that some of you have - I wish I did - but I feel priviledged (where's Fool - I think I spelt that wrong!) that you are offering up prayers for me and mine. I told Dh as I left him tonight that MN'ers all over the world were thinking of him, and (apart from making a wisecrack to the effect that it wasn't unusual for women to go to sleep thinking of him!) he, too, was touched - and also amazed.

I hope the anniversaries weren't too traumatic for you sadwidow and foreverautumn, and I'm so sorry about Luna. It's heartwrenching I know, to lose a pet. So much sadness on this thread but also so much dignity and bravery and comraderie. And strength and hope and wisdom.

I can't post much tonight, feeling a bit emotional but just wanted to let you all know that I am grateful and that, it is thanks to you lot, that I have got this far without falling off the edge. And, if all goes well tomorrow, someone needs to help me organise, if not a party, at least a meet-up! I will try and keep you posted as soon as I'm able - think he's going down first thing (about 6.30/7am).

Lots of love.x

Hi JandJ, thanks for updating us. Now you go and rest on your bed. I won't suggest sleep because that will be impossible. Do not even think about "the empty side of youru bed" because it will be warmed up soon by a stronger, healthier DH.

We will keep the prayers and positive thoughts and drunken toasts going until you come back with good news.

Take care. Love and blessings x x

All the best for tomorrow. Will be thinking of you.

My heartfelt condolences to you, sw, and also to you, autumn. I've lost far too many dear friends and relatives prematurely and, sadly, I'm familiar with the heartache of losing beloved pets.

I believe that the veil between this life and others is thin and that, although we may not be able to see our departed loved ones, or physically embrace them except in our dreams, they are nearby and we can continue to communicate with them much as we did before they went to another place in time.

That's me done on the subject of my personal belief system

On a lighter note, pa's latest experiments have been confined to making savoury ice creams. For lunch today we had bloody mary soup as described up thread with a scoop of parmesan ice cream and decorated with a sprig of fresh basil leaves - suffice it to say it's on the menu for dinner tonight.

I sincerely hope that JandJ is feeling the love and warmth of the thousand prayers that surround her and her dh and that she'll soon be able to join us and try her own special cocktail, the recipe for which is yet to be revealed.

My bad timing again. Cross posted due to breaking off to top up tea.

I'm certainly going to be going to bed thinking of your dh and you, JandJ. My prayers will also include the surgical team and I'll be wishing them success beyond their expectations.

JandJ, I love a little gentle humour. It gets you through, and I'm sure my DH could stand a few seconds gap in my constant thoughts of his own prowess to make room for a little appreciation of your DH as I go to sleep.

If you're able to rest then I should, and you may find your body protects your strength by finding a little sleep of your own.

Have to admit I sipped a fairly strong sherry Apple Pie last night before bed and raised one to you all, 'lovely ladies' here who I am proud to have met in love and generosity, and again to JandJ and her family who are an inspiration.

I'm concentrating on 'Lord of all hopefulness, Lord of all joy' today and looking forward to that time when partying is high on our agenda.

Stop press: lightly whisk the white of an egg in a narrow shallow bowl. Crush a digestive biscuit in another narrow shallow bowl. Dip glass of your choice in egg white and then in biscuit. Freeze or chill in fridge while making Apple Pie.

A new dimension awaits... bring fingers

Sounds like a temptation Izzy! Feed the soul, and the imagination and the body! Hope nobody is up and having a go in the JandJ household though.

I'm Oscar reincarnate, Homebird. I can resist anything except temptation and, while I very much hope that JandJ is racking up a store of zzzzs, I'd be the first to understand if she's blending a mother's little helper of her own as we link hands across 3 oceans and unite in surrounding her and her dh with the kindness of strangers which contains the very essence of the fabled milk of human kindness.

I think it can definitely be called 'first thing' now. Sending safe rest to JandJ's DH, clever hands to the surgery team, steadfast hope to JandJ and the DCs, and encircling love to all those who need it.

A time of quiet prayer now.

Was quietly praying, and then I realised what Izzy said...

... a new recipe especially for JandJ!

Morning JandJ, I have just returned from the Mass that I asked to be said this morning for your DH. It was prayerful and uplifting and, like others on this thread, the priest included prayers for the surgical team. So, I am hoping we have enough prayers in the prayer bank to see your DH through his surgery this morning.

I will use my moments of down-time today to continue with silent reflectiong, prayer and postive thoughts. It is hoped that, wherever you are today, you feel yourself surrounded by love and warmth so that you do not feel alone.

Thinking of you today J and J. I know things will be well under way by now and I'm sure the love of this thread will be spurring on the surgeons in their work. Good to know your dh still has his sense of humour I hope your dcs are ok too and are wrapped in your strength, which is immense, even if you don't realise it at the moment.

This waiting time is the worst (ime) but the news will be good I'm certain. Hope you are immersed in rubbish magazines, chocolate and dodgy coffee at the moment.