Would you go for full financial disclosure?

[Myselfagain]

XH and I are separated since last year. We have reached an amicable decision re division of salaries and I have been getting a legal document drawn up to this effect. However, I have been doubting his honesty of late. My solicitor recommends getting full financial disclosure. He wouldn't like this but at least I wouldn't be left wondering what he's hiding. From your wealth of experience, MNers, would you recommend this route? What are your views? We have 2 DCs (8&6) so I want the best outcome for them.

Appointment with a new solicitor tomorrow morning, recommended by a solicitor friend as 'the best'.

But I have (very slightly) cold feet. We are having to be careful with money but it's not at all desperate, I would just like the best lifestyle for my children & not to be lied to. So I'm saying - even if you had an adequate settlement already would you still want the full truth?

Sorry for the request for reassurance. I'm scared.

Stop wibbling and just do it, woman!

Honestly, full financial disclosure is completely normal, your solicitor will tell you. It's not some weird punishing thing that only vindictive ex-spouses trot out. It's a perfectly reasonable thing to ask.

Anyway, finding out the whole financial truth doesn't commit you to asking for a bigger share of it. You might decide, as you say, the settlement is adequate and that you have no need or wish to go for more (though you would be a bit weird if you didn't, if he's loaded and leaving your DCs short). It still doesn't hurt to know.

Thanks for the tough love Annie. Yes, you're right it's standard, shared earnings really. Back on course!

My ex gave me over £200k when I moved out. I still went for full disclosure, and was awarded a further £120k. Just because you get a 'healthy' amount, it doesn't mean that it's all you, and your DC, are entitled to.

That's great jumpy.

I had a really clear meeting with the lawyer this morning & learned about the options. I like the sound of going through the collaborative divorce route he described. He was also very unperturbed by any grounds for divorce which dissolved my embarrassment.

I told STBXH afterwards that I wanted full financial disclosure. He was a bit sullen about it, but he feels I'll lose out if we do that. I don't really mind as long as its fair, but I actually don't think I'll lose out. One of the things I raised with him was his new woman being very young and I suspect she'll want kids. He said he won't have any, but I stuck to my guns and said you can't be sure. It ended up being quite a good conversation where he apologised for some stuff, admitted some limitations (never thought I'd see that!) and we have ended up a bit more amicable. So far...

We agreed that he would divorce me for adultery. I really don't mind, not sure why.

So I'll instruct this lawyer next week and see what happens. All feels a bit better.

He sounds very manipulative Myselfagain. He is hardly going to be forced into giving you less money is he? . It sounds a very good thing that you've got a highly recommended solicitor to sit with you if you go down the collaborative route.

I've avoided mediation spring for that reason. He can be shrewd, I don't really understand him & v relieved I'm not still married to him. I think this solicitor will stand his ground & he thought it unlikely that any settlement would make us worse off.

The judge didn't impose a settlement on us, it was agreed between ourselves via the barristers immediately before the final hearing. A full hearing where the judge questions both parties and decides for them what will happen is the absolute last resort.