I haven't had sex for 4 years..

[SoleSource]

I feel so frustrated!

I can't date as I am twenty stones. I don't want a FWB as I cannot separate love and sex.

What is the longest period you have been without sex?

:(

you can still date why not?

Why does 20 stone prevent you from dating? What weight do you have to be?

A weight I would feel confident about my naked body :)

I don't think it's your weight that's holding you back as there are lots of men out there who enjoy a larger woman, I think it's your perception of yourself.

If that's the case then you really only have two options. You either lose the weight or you learn to accept it.

It seems fairly simple really.

Men like all sizes

I am losing weight, slowly. I joined WW last week :)

Just wanted to know I was normal for not having sex since I was 34.

You're normal. It happens.

I was 21 stone when I met my husband. I've lost weight and put some back on in the 8 years we've been together. It doesn't bother him. Some men honestly do see what's on the inside. Don't put obstacles in your own path.

To answer your question about 10 months as I totally lost my libido while pregnant.

I'm not pretty of face either :( I'm 5'9" so big.IME men prefer not to be seen in public with me. Online dating on the BBW sites was a disaster.

Gawd pity party, just facts about me & my experiences.

Just give yourself a break. Just masterbate abit and you will be fine. Rub yourself up and down on a pillow or something similar while rubbing ice-cubes over your nipples.

LOL I shall

I look like Babs undressed from Little Britain.

Sole I went about 3 years without sex after my divorce.
It's great that you started WW, and also I'd advise you to do other things to make you feel better about yourself. Your lack of confidence can put men off more than what you perceive to be your physical problems.

as for the lack of sex itself, I personally found that masturbation was no substitute for a warm and loving partner. I find the advice given by Bengal to be a bit random and that certainly wouldn't work for me. I'm not sure you were looking for advice on how to masturbate? This is more about lack of sex with a partner? Anyway, my view is that masturbation scratches the itch but it's not the same as sharing the experience with another person.
That said, lack of sex won't kill you either. I think you'll be back in the saddle again when you're ready.
good luck!

I'm in therapy (16 months so far), looking for voluntary work, started to walk for 30 mins per day, joined WW online forum, joining a short college course and advertising for a small job of cleaning or something. I love reading too. I'm planning a short overnight stay just for me soon. I was thinking of Haworth Bronte Pasonage Museum and walking on the moor!

I want to get busy, my confidence is rising :)

You're doing everything right, except - look how many times you've put yourself down in this thread! I know some of it is tongue in cheek but stop doing it!

You are working on yourself love, that is the most important thing. Once your confidence is higher you will feel better about relationships. You haver been through a lot, it will get better, you are making a huge investment in yourself, that will pay off.

2 years here.

Thank you everyone

The St John's Wort helps too :)

I'm going to start taking Agnus Castus for PMT soon. Getting worse with age :(

I guess I am not ready for men that use.

I haven't had sex for 12 years. And I'm married. For 14 years. I win

Seriously though, I was fat before I married (still fat now!) and I shagged about like nobody's business. I never had trouble pulling. There are lots of people out there who are attracted to you, if you just knew it. Confidence, a great smile, being fun - these are all really sexy. Plus you can be big and pretty damned gorgeous too . Wear really good, flattering clothes, take pride in your appearance with a fab haircut etc, and walk like you're somebody.

Work on your confidence. Start to believe you are an attractive person and you will find that's how others see you too.

I mean, there'll always be twats, but we just ignore them.

Hecate are you happy?

i mean content

What, with no sex or with being fat?

No sex? :)

No. but yes also. I am not actually interested in sex itself. The act of PIV isn't and never has been a big deal for me. I use it to feel wanted. validation. I have been to hell and back coming to terms with the lack of it in my marriage. From feeling like it was all my fault and I was so ugly, to deciding he's gay, to telling myself and going on about it on here that a sex free marriage can be just as loving and intimate as one with sex and that I am entirely happy with it, to admitting that it makes me sad because I want him to want me. If I never had a shag again I wouldn't miss it. I just want to feel desired. If that makes any sense.

i always found plenty of people to give me that boost, pre marriage, but sex itself is a big meh, for me. I mean, when you think about it, what is it? a lot of sweating, rubbing and grunting, followed by some spasms and then it's all over. It's what it represents that matters to me.

Sounds painful Hecate :( I might have left years before. You sound resigned to the idea. Not good for self esteem. Was it your weight that turened him off?

I haven't had sex for four years either. It won't kill us.