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Original poster

I haven't had sex for 4 years..

45 replies

SoleSource · 13/07/2012 20:39

I feel so frustrated!

I can't date as I am twenty stones. I don't want a FWB as I cannot separate love and sex.

What is the longest period you have been without sex?

:(

OP posts:
Original poster
SoleSource · 13/07/2012 21:50

Feels that way!

OP posts:
HecateHarshPants · 13/07/2012 21:53

He says not. He married me when I was that weight. He had 2 children with me when I was that weight. I don't think he woke up one morning and went urg, don't fancy mine much Grin

Over the years, I have gone over every possibility there is, and yes, many of them involve my failings Grin but at the moment, I truly believe it's him. Like he has always said it is. He isn't a sexual person either.

My sister said something the other day. That perhaps he sees me as wife and mother and not as lover. Or perhaps it's the fact he's a functioning alcoholic.

I accept that I will never have sex again in my life. I could leave, but what for? Sex? It's just not important enough.

But this isn't about me! Grin my original point is what matters! And it's true. Believe you are desirable and you will find people think so too.

Just don't marry one whose old man's going to go on the fritz after 2 years Wink

Original poster
SoleSource · 13/07/2012 21:57

Ahh that is why, maybe he can't perform because of his addiction Hecate you're always a fab poster here Thanks

I have to be strong and confident within myself before I let myself be vulnerable with a man again. I think there are more using type of men out there than genuine. |Especially online :(

OP posts:
redfacedhurtface · 13/07/2012 21:59

Sole source, I was a lot longer than that - 8 years for me. I'm also a large lady at 16 stone, 5' 8" and I dated quite a few blokes over the last couple of years and they didn't seem to mind. It's all in the confidence, my friend!

thegreylady · 13/07/2012 22:00

I am in a loving 24 year marriage and I haven't had sex for about 15 years. Neither of us miss it and we have a close intimate relationship.

Original poster
SoleSource · 13/07/2012 22:06

Maybe my confidence is coming back as I am considering a date sex. I do not get guys taking me seriously, maybe I have met a bunch of not so very nice men.

OP posts:
wolvesdidit · 13/07/2012 22:12

When you say online dating on the BBW sites was a disaster - do you mean online dating on 'big women' sites? If it is your weight which is causing you to feel bad about yourself, how come meeting men who like bigger ladies didn't work out for you? FWIW, I am a bigger woman and have been for years. It does affect my confidence but my husband loves me and has never ever said anything negative about my size.

Original poster
SoleSource · 13/07/2012 22:15

I dated a guy for one year from the BBW site he told me to lose weight! Every single guy has told me the same thing.

OP posts:
Notcontent · 13/07/2012 22:50

Hecate - I just wanted to say that I can really relate to your post about what sex means to you - that it's not to much about the act itself, but feeling desired. I have not had sex for a few years and feel exactly the same.

Original poster
SoleSource · 14/07/2012 11:03

Looking forward to my future without a man first Grin

Nice to feel free.

OP posts:
wolvesdidit · 14/07/2012 11:58

I just don't get why you'd be on a big ladies dating site if you needed women to be slimmer :( Do you think it was less about weight and more about control?

wolvesdidit · 14/07/2012 11:58

There are men out there who love bigger women. I am wondering if you subconsciously attract abusive men?

Original poster
SoleSource · 14/07/2012 12:07

I'm straight not lesbian therefore I do not need women to be slimmer??

I did attract abusive men after 16 months of therapy I am hoping to change that fact and get rid straight away.

OP posts:
HecateHarshPants · 14/07/2012 12:20

She means why would a man be on a bbw site and make contact with a woman and then start telling her to lose weight.

Notcontent - you aren't alone. I know how hurtful it is. Are you in a relationship?

Original poster
SoleSource · 14/07/2012 12:31

Oh right! Cos he was messed up! His idea of BBW was size 14. I was size 26. This ended in 2007 but guys since then from plenty of fish and other paid site knew what I looked like on pics as I was told me same thing. I never had any sexual contact with this guy. He was full of disgusting put downs of which I stupidly tolerated. (Thanks Dad)

OP posts:
TodaysAGoodDay · 14/07/2012 12:32

I haven't had sex for 4 yrs either, you are normal. Frustrated, but normal Smile

Original poster
SoleSource · 14/07/2012 12:35

I found out I wasn't his type after about two months. He would contradict himself constantly. He was a dickhead.

OP posts:
Marthamoo123 · 14/07/2012 13:03

I didnt have sex from the age of 22 until I met my now dh last year when I was 31. I was in a horrible, sexless marriage. I look back and think what a bloody waste of my 20s and my youth.

OldGreyWiffleTest · 14/07/2012 13:33

20 years. Through choice after divorce. Never missed it, never will.

Original poster
SoleSource · 14/07/2012 14:29

I use sex toys Blush but noticed I was a bit loose down there' Blush so I bought an Athena pelvic floor tightener. It has improved my tightness :) Mine is weight related looseness

Sorry bit TMI but might help others :)

OP posts:
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