to want him to leave until I can find somewhere to live?

[rotool]

He is a bully, I am trying to leave, I have told him I am leaving but he won't listen. He yells at me in front of DC's and tells them horrible things about me.
He frightens me, He has a place he can go 2 minuets from here but he won't go. I have tried to say to him that it is not good for the DC's to live like this but he says it's my fault as I am the one who wants to go. He is trying to take my friends away, he's tried to loose me my job.
I don't want him here anymore...

Do you own? Rent?

Who is 'he'?

Your Husband or your partner?

Do you own or rent?

I own the house with him/partner

If u feel scared dial 999, police will help you. Hope u ok

they can't help, they say that unless he hits me they can't do anything, he is too clever to do that

Can you afford to rent somewhere?

Or do you have any family/friends close by?

I'm afraid you can't force him to leave unless he's violent.

I would really post this on relationships board. I would not leave the house, but get some advice from CAB and friend before doing anything. How is he trying to lose you your job?

Well he is within his rights to stay. You can move and get An occupation order ( I think) to live there whilst dc complete school

I have no family or friends who can put me up, I could afford to rent with HB and tax credits and wages etc but I found a house I could move into in August but I heard today it has fallen through so I have to start the whole process of finding another one....I can't do this anymore

Yes you can, it will be worth it.

I was ill in April with suspected meningitis, when iI was having the lumbar puncture he tols the lady I get work from that I was having a breakdown and wouldn't be returning to work. she is a nurse so realised something wasn't right and I still have a job.

Have you seen a solicitor? Sounds like you may need legal advice, and no offence but if he is trying to get you to lose your job and friends - that he is trying to reduce contact with everyone you socialise with on a day to day basis. To be on the safe side, make sure you clear your computer history, start writing down his actions and maybe start photocopying important documents. It may all come to nothing, but at least you could document his actions if you ever need to get him to leave. But you can do this! And if you feel like you can't, just look back at your children and remember what the outcome of this could be, a place for you and your children to live happily without pressure and scaring the children. Have you thought about speaking to Womens Aid , just for some advice? Not saying you need to go into a refuge or anything, but maybe they could give you some support in other areas, such as finding accommodation, support for you and the children?

Report your post and ask for it to be moved to the Relationships board where you'll find all the help and support you need to get this sorted.

Of course the police can help, they are choosing not to. Family violence is NOT just about being hit, it also incororporates a lot of what you describe. Unfortunately it makes people uncomfortable so it's easier to prevent it's not a big deal.

You need some proper legal advice, I'm in Sydney so don't know the relevant current UK legislation. Get a free half hour from a specialist family law solicitor so you have a better idea of your rights and options. You can do this!

sunnydelight what do you think the police could actually do here?

"what do you think the police could actually do here"

It depends on what is happening and why, there doesn't have to be physical contact to remove a person from the house if they are being busive and loud, in front of children.

The offence may come under disturbing the peace, to start with.

You can obtain a legal seperation, whilst still living in the house, OP, you need legal advice, so that when you leave, the house is secured as you still have an interest in it and it cannot be borrowed against etc.

Unreasonable behaviour is happening, as well as emotional abuse.

Yes but where's the proof? That's normally the problem with things like this.

Even if the Police asked the neighbours if they can hear yelling, it's not really enough to tip a home owner out of their house.

In Australia the police would apply for an AVO (an apprehended violence order) on the OP's behalf which may explicitly prohibit her husband from living in the same house as her so he would have to go elsewhere. In fact (rather controversially here) if the OP made a report that he yelled at her in front of the children, tried to isolate her socially etc. (all definitions of family violence under the latest Family Law Act amendments which have expanded the definitions of FV) they have a mandatory duty to apply for an AVO for her whether she actually wanted one or not.

Family law wasn't my thing in the UK but generally (not always) Australian law follows British law so the reason I suggested the OP sees a solicitor was to see if there is something similar in place.

Sorry, the thread moved quickly, my post was a response to KatherineKavanagh

Mop, none of that here..... If we were all turfed out of our homes for shouting in dc ear shot, then the streets would be full of people sleeping rough!

*nope not mop!

Even if there isn't eye witnesses, it doesn't stop the OP from phoning the police, women are listened to, now, it is this myth that 'where's the proof' that keep women in these situations.

This will either get the H to change his behaviour, or provide the OP with a log.

The police are not stupid, they can usually pick up on what has/is going on.

This will help the OP to control contact,if needed, once the split has gone ahead. As the children get older, they can have pastoral support directed at them in school, if EA is still happening.

It isn't just about the here and now, i doubt that he will change.

He is being verbally/emotionally abusive. The police do have powers to remove him but it's difficult in these situations, and not all officers will be sympathetic. (I wish they were!)

Could you move to a refuge or temporary accommodation while you find somewhere else to go? I appreciate it's easier for him, but if he won't leave.

contact womens aid or refuge - you CAN leave and then return to the house legally - and he will have to leave.

It is emotional abuse - you are scared and you have a right not to be - talk to them and get legal advice - you do not have to leave your home permanently

"If we were all turfed out of our homes for shouting in dc ear shot"

You have automatically minimised the OP's situation and as a society we need to think about why we do that.

The OP isn't describing just shouting. She is being verbally abused and the children have to listen to their mother being called names.

Those days are gone where children have to suffer this.