to want him to leave until I can find somewhere to live?

[rotool]

He is a bully, I am trying to leave, I have told him I am leaving but he won't listen. He yells at me in front of DC's and tells them horrible things about me.
He frightens me, He has a place he can go 2 minuets from here but he won't go. I have tried to say to him that it is not good for the DC's to live like this but he says it's my fault as I am the one who wants to go. He is trying to take my friends away, he's tried to loose me my job.
I don't want him here anymore...

www.womensaid.org.uk/landing_page.asp?section=000100010008&sectionTitle=If+you+or+a+friend+need+help

refuge.org.uk/get-help-now/

YANBU, but how do you plan to get him out?

Would you be prepared to go to a Women's Aid shelter? Leaving yourself is clearly the best idea.

www.womensaid.org.uk/

You are so right Birdsgottafly minimizing /normalizing/rationalizing emotional abuse and psychological violence is one of the biggest advantages the abuser has. Lots of people don't want to face the fact that the "naice" man may not be quite so nice in the privacy of his own home.

Wasn't referring to the op was I? It was to sunny's australian laws.

I was in a refuge for a year with 4 dc, it's very 'doable' op. He won't leave, so you will have to start the ball rolling yourself

OP it is a non-molestation order or an occupation order that you can apply for, through the court to have him removed from the house. The former will also prevent him approaching you/house and phoning to hassle you.

The form (is the same for both) is downloadable from the web. I forget what the form is called, but I will find out...

You can apply yourself, without a solicitor. I think the cost is £70

It is possible to get these orders granted without physical violence, but you have to be able to convince the judge that his behaviour is damaging to you and creating a damaging environment for the kids. You need to document EVERYTHING he does. Have you been/are you depressed as a result? Is your health affected in any way? Is the stress preventing you sleeping etc? Catalogue exactly what he says to you, in front of the kids

Most abused women will tell you that if you survive the physical abuse, it is the emotional abuse that leaves the worse scars

Please move this to the Relationship section. There are people there that will have valuable advice

"Wasn't referring to the op was I"

It did come across like that. The telling to women that the police won't act and their is nothing she can do, by others,is what keeps women in abusive relationships.

How the services respond varies and changes as time moves on. Emotional abuse, towards children, is now treated with, if not more importance than any other sort of abuse.

I went to see a house today but unless he will make maintenance payments straight away I can't take it. I asked him if he had a figure in mind but he just laughed at me. I know he will have to pay in the end but he will make it as hard as possible and what he earns on paper isn't what he really earns.

rotool - can you get some legal advice?

Definitely go for the non-molestation order and DO NOT tell him you are doing it until you've done it. You've already asked him to stop. The biggest piece of evidence you've got here he's ironically provided for you very conveniently - telling your nursing colleague that you were having a breakdown and wouldn't be able to come back.

Tbh, it sounds as though he may be trying to drive you out.

Get advice and the police involved as soon as there is an incident.

:( sorry hun to hear what you are goin through. I was in that position few weeks ago but my H was physically violent on top of emotional, mental and financial abuse. He was a control freak and I was in total denial of being abused for soo many months. He has accused me of being 'demented' and got me locked up in a mental institution until the docs hear my story and they ruled out that I was fit and wrote a letter to ss that I was under risk of severe abuse from this bastard. (Lots of things happened anyway can't go into details)

I had to ran away to ss and force them to evict him temporary (used the police ref's for evidence) and explained how I coudnt stand living with him for even a day. And they did!! They phoned him and he had to pack and leave and I tried to sort my self out. He went to his mum's house 5mins away from us, the thing is, this monster kept coming along and demanding to see his child and saying he pays rent and that's his house. So, really, there is nothing much you can do rather than flee for refuge like I did this monday and they find you a place to live within no time. Having said that, if you don't have any other form of income like me (my mat pay ended) you will struggle a bit financially but trust me ITS worth it. You'll be soo peaceful and I'm refuge right now and the feeling of not having to ring this evil selfish man for money and everything is priceless.

I posted here on mn (leave me alone you monsters!) And I did benefit by getting contacts for refuge and women's aid. They provided a two bed house and I am very safe and happy. Please don't hang there hoping he will pay for a separate aCc( may be much later after you see csa to know his actual income and he will have to deposit a certain percentage of it to your acc)

But now just seek refuge, sorry its abit lengthy but I hope I have helped. Good luck