should I help this friend despite her ruining everything for me?

[juniorant]

One of my best friends for nearly 10 years has caused me the most unbelievable drama and I want to know have I gone mad or is she possibly a bit unbalanced?
I will try to summarise her recent behaviour otherwise it will be a bit long:-
1.We went out for a drink a few weeks ago with a couple of other friends when we got in a taxi to come home she started crying and insisting that I had spent the night talking about her with one of the other girls there (I hadn't). I lost my temper in the end but she did apologise the next day
2.Her daughter required medical attention (broken rib) but she delayed for nearly 24 hours because she couldn't get hold of her husband and she didn't want to go to hospital on her own (I Live next door and obviously would have gone with her but I didn't know there was an emergency) instead she called her husband repeatedly but he didnt hear the phone and was out all night.
3.Calls her DH and his friends literally 100s x when he goes out as she wants to know what he is doing.
4.But the main thing is I had started to befriend a guy I have liked for 5 years and whilst chatting with her about it I said I thought everyone fancied him and my exact words were "but then again he thinks all guys fancy me" (which he did say). Unbenownst to me and despite being sworn to secrecy on her childrens lives. she has translated that into I told her that the guy said her DH fancied me. This has apparently caused df dh no end of grief to the point he actually had it out with the guy who now understandably wants nothing to do with me (so gutted about that but suppose its my own fault - but i do think girls do chat about stuff like that esp to trusted friends of 10 years) and today her dh questioned me about why I had told my df that he fancied me. I know he doesn't fancy me - it is ridiculous and even if I knew for a fact he did (which I know for a fact he doesn't)why would I say that to her. She said it's to get one over her (WTF).
I am so upset I want to have it out with her but htink she might be quite unbalanced anyway and don't want to make things worse.
I also think if she is not feeling so good emotionally or whatever am I being a good friend to basically walk away and a time she presumably needs a friend despite her disloyalty to me?
well done for reading this far - hope it made sense but suspect it didn't :0)

She left her child for 24 hours with a broken rib enough said! Shes mental - avoid

yes I was really shocked by it - and couldn't understand why she didn't ask me to go with her. She was honestly more bothered why her dh wasn't answering the phone and wanting to make some sort of point to him about how much she need him or something. It was wierd.

I feel sorry for her daughter, she sounds unhinged.

She sounds narcissisistic (sp?) and faintly bonkers, and I'm about the poor child with the broken rib.
If you stay friends with her you'll probably end up being dragged into more of her emotional dramas.

If this is new and unusual behaviour for her - and presumably it is if you have been good friends for 10 years, I would try to get her to see her GP. She sounds very anxious and somewhat paranoid at the moment.

yes I was thinking that I might just end up being the brunt of more drama. i feel bad being friends with someone and then walking away when they might need a friend (am probably about her only friend as well) BUT I am sooooo pissed off that she twisted what I said and then got her DH to speak to my friend (when she had been sworn to secrecy) about what he (didn't) say.
I also feel so embarrased that friend dh thinks I would say to her or to anyone that he fancies me - of course i don't think that and if I did I would hardly go repeating it to his wife would I!!

celestial - yes that is what I think but am worried if I suggest it she will think I am being mean. She has alwyas been different, sort of ethereal and possibly prone to depression/over thinking things. But wasn't thinking she was this bad IYSWIM
Having said that she is referred to as mad by most people but i always stick up for her as usually does not have a bad thought about anyone

She sounds messed up. All the examples you give sound recent ish, how long has she been like this?

1. She sounds mentally ill, so for that reason perhaps it would be kind to stay friends with her if she needs support.
2. At the same time, don't trust her with anything important, and don't make her your confidante about anything important.
3. Can you not try to patch it up with the guy you like? It seems a shame if you've known him for 5 years, that one crazy comment can ruin it.

The thing is, there is a very stark diference to being referred to as mad (im sure loads of folk think im barking) and being mentally ill. I wonder if your friend IS ill, after leaving that child for that long with an injury - are social services involeved, i woudl think they might be? She sounds catty and manipulative though and i'd be VERY wary of her. I know someone like this, i avoid avoid avoid

she has always been flaky but I just thought she was just "different" to other people. and she can be really lovely, she is sort of sweet and hippyish - not bitchy at all.
But more stuff is coming out re her treatment of her dh sort of obsessive as if she is 16 and they just met. not in their 40s been together 10years!
Now she has done this to me I am really mad with her BUT I know she may have soemthing going on.
I couldn't work out if it was a big leap to go from what I said, to what she heard and then how she reacted OR if I was out of order saying it and i am being mean thinking she is unbalanced so thanks for all your responses!!
Maybe I will contact her dh and say can I do anything to help or what? or just leave it arrrgh!!

Maybe I will contact her dh and say can I do anything to help or what? or just leave it arrrgh!!

do not do that.

She sounds like she's got problems but these are not yours to solve. Nor can you solve them. Sorry :(

Her "translation" of your conversation with the man you liked is not at all normal! Women talk about these things all the time, I would be FURIOUS if someone used something told in that context to imply obvious lies about other people.

Is there any chance of meeting up with your male friend and explaining it all to him over a cup of coffee? sounds awfully sad to miss out on something so nice because your friend is, quite frankly, a stirring, disturbed woman and NOT a friend at all.

Thanks for all your replies it has reall helped me see things from a distance. I think it's hard to see things clearly when you are in them. The more I think about it the more worried i feel for her and her family (although I am furious with her for myself).
I just hope her dh can see it before there are any more problems, but I know really I need to stay out of it.

I think her friend's DH sounds equally odd. If I told my DH one of my friends thought he fancied her he wouldn't have the slightest reaction. It certainly wouldn't cause him grief and he'd never want to discuss it with a third party

I'd steer clear of them both.

I would walk away. That sounds like a total nightmare. All well and good to hang on in there and try to sort someone's life out but the truth of it is - sometimes you just can't and it is better to walk away and get on with your own life.

many people have a problem with walking away from someone in their life. All that happens is that you get crapped on over and over and over while some little voice in your head goes oh, but they're family/a friend, I caaaaaaan't.

well. bollocks to that. When you see no evidence of someone giving a shit about you - don't waste your time with them

yes thanks waiting - her dh is actually a nice man and aparently he said "look what can I do to sort this out" her responce was speak to this guy (which is the worst thing he could have sone as drags someone in who didn't need to be and also revealed my indiscretions ie talking about him to my friend which I know no one likes although everyone does it when they fancy someone).
I think she has given him such a hard time over all this he is just tearing his hair out.
You are right though most people would just laugh if they heard someone fancied them or their partner.
thank you

hecate - thanks you are right they have shown no regard for my care or feelings. I will just have to put it to the back of my mind now
thanks

Tbh I don't think you have missed much with this guy. A sensible reaction would have been to ask what was going on. You explain that you had a conversation with your best friend and she seems to have twisted it. That you are worried about and her dh did as she asked to resolve the situation (misguided). Refusing to have anything to do with you seems a bit extreme.
In regards to the friend and her dh, what did you say when her dh asked you?
Its clear she is having problems and I would think her dh feels the same as you but may feel disloyal by saying this to you. Do have a relationship with him that means you could speak to him?

She seems to be obsessed by her husband's fidelity.

Her interpretation of what your friend said and her reaction to that interpretation were both deeply fucked up.

I'd be steering well clear.

dprince - thanks. No the guy has been OK with me but really we had only met once (he has just seperated) I had known him from a distance for years always liked him. When we met he told me he had also liked me for years and maybe now our circumstances had changed we could see each other. Then this blew up (over the last few weeks but I didn't know about it until yesterday) so it explains why I hadn't really heard from him and why he was so keen on me and then kind of keeping me at a distance.
Timing probably still off so I will just lay low and see what happens seems such a shame though as I stupidly feel like he is my perfect man (am sure he is like the others really thoguh:0))
I told her DH what I had in fact said(ie "I think everyone fancies this guy but then again he thinks everyone fancies me") and that I catagorically did not think or say to her that I thought he fancied me. I said that I thought this was another attempt by her to get his attention (he is a great dh to her but she is obsessed with him) and that I had been dragged into it.
I said I was sorry.
He said he has been beside himself and i have no idea what he has gone through?
I noticed his car has been at home most of the time and hers hasn't really moved much and had wondered if he had lost his job or something.I don't know if he has been at home to stay with her or if it is just a coincidence.
I am friends with her DH but after what has been said I am not sure if he might think I am jsut causing more trouble if I suggested she went to a dr or something?

She is a seriously fucked up woman to leave her own child with a broken rib without medical treatment for 24hrs.
Its sounds as though she is very controlling of her dh, i would avoid.
She is not the sort of friend i would keep, selfish, controlling and unhinged doesn't make for a good friendship!

I don't understand how the guy you fancied comes into it. Why did the df say to go and talk to him? Anyway, she sounds super anxious in a mh kind of way and I guess whether you stay friends with her depends on how much you want to take on. She probably needs support.

I would mention to her husband that you are quite worried about her and her behaviour and that if you can help practically in the future you will but you now need to distance yourself.

I think she sounds unwell.

It's hard for you. I'm Bipolar and have episodes of paranoia and bonkers behaviour (never like your friend tho). Convinced people were looking at me and talking about me. Convinced I had done something awful and was on the verge of being found out. Checking the papers and websites in case their were wanted articles about me, refusing to leave the house without exH etc.

But it did help when people pointed it out and spurred me to go to the doctor. I lost a few friends and altho that should have given a clue, it often added to the paranoia and guilt.

So just on a personal basis, I would say maybe talk to her, explain that you think she may need help. Then distance yourself.