Nearly ended my marriage last night

[mopbucket]

We have been together for 18yrs married for 12yrs dh was my first boyfriend and within 3 mths of knowing him we had a house together.
I love him to bits i really do but i just feel like i would like lots of one night stands, flirt and party.
Last night dh and i went out on a date and i told him everything, he said i should give up work for a bit and go traveling or join clubs etc he said he would do anything within his power to make me happy but that i couldnt sleep with another man
I know i lucky as im led here dh is cleaning and hoovering, i have breakfast in bed everyday and he cooks dinner most nights
So why do i feel so unhappy?

why do you think one night stands would enhance your life?

did you get together when you were young,and now feel like you missed out on that time of your life being single?

Because you don't know you're born? Honestly, one night stands are grim as fuck- you'd be bored rigid within weeks, and you'd have lost everything.

Yes we were young and i had never even been to a pub before i met dh

You're unhappy because you've missed out on the free and single lifestyle that most people indulge in before they finally settle down with someone permanently. You're hankering for your lost youth. You're wondering about the men you might have kissed and whether they measure up to the one you've ended up with. The saying is.... 'marry in haste, repent at leisure'.... and with good reason.

At this point you have to decide if you're willing to risk all the good stuff in order to stratch those itchy feet or not.

should also have asked,are your children at an age when they are nearly able to fend for themselves?
I have seen and heard of this before.And it can end with the women,in the situations I know,starting off by going out occasionally with girlfriends,then more and more nights,then eventually leaving the husband for another man.

Yes boys are 15 and 16

I have a very dear firend who felt like this and acted on it, she broke her husbands heart ruined her marriage and is now really really miserable as the guy she went off with was an arse who eventually left her. She then wanted her husband back, but that ship had also sailed.

I think you're wistfully thinking of what might have been but is it really worth risking what sounds like a good relationship?
Life isn't all sex in the city & whilst you might be happy single, you might be bloody miserable. The grass isn't always greener.

Maybe try finding other ways to make yourself happy rather than meaningless sex.

Thats what dh said i know i have a good life and a great dh but.........

You feel unhappy because like Cor said you feel you have missed out on your youth. You got together at an early age and have only ever known one man properly. You just feel like you want to know what all this 'clubbing' and 'sex' is all about (not that you don't have sex with your husband, but you know what I mean). We all want to know what it's like to be something that you currently aren't. The important thing you need to ask yourself is that what would you gain from doing any of that, except from experience?

One night stands as mentioned above, must get boring after a while and would feel meaningless. Going clubbing every night too, would become tedious. Sure going travelling would be nice but your partner has already said he'd be more than happy for you to do that - perhaps in a year or two you could go together?

Just think about all the wonderful things you have. If you could've, would you take it all back? If yes, then you really shouldn't be in this marriage. If not and you're so glad you have your children and your husband and couldn't live without them, you have all you need.

You have missed out on nothing. Lots of people would love to have only had one relationship. Grow up and appreciate what you have. Your dh is being very understanding and loving and you seem hell bent on fucking things up for something that would be worthless.

I'm not advocating anyone staying in an unhappy marriage but you reasons for wanting to end it just seem so adolescent. Is it worth trying Relate or similar to see if you can find the root cause of why you're unhappy?

Ffs really. You are chancing throwing everything away for a shag with a random?
Sounds like you should concentrate and being as lovely to your dh as he is to you. Get some counselling.
I was married at 20. I have been with dh since I was 18. I don't feel I missed anything as the alternative would be no dh (or at least this one) and I wouldn't have my amazing dcs. You haven't missed out on youth. You had a different one.
I am quite concerned that you think you have missed out because you didn't shag loads of people. Why is that so important to you?
Sorry to sound harsh but I think you are being really selfish and I think you were hoping your dh would agree to you going and shagging people. But he didn't, he has drawn his line in the sand. If you cross it be prepared for there to be no way back.
In honesty, your dh seems to dote on you, did you think he would agree just so you would stay?

Most women would bite your hand off to be with a man as lovely as your DH.

Most of us kissed a lot of frogs before finding our prince - and some of us settled for an amphibian life. It sounds like you landed on your feet.

Casual sex is usually crap anyway. If you want more excitement, take up hang gliding or something.

If you want your adrenalin rush, and a bit of a hoorah, go and find a hobby, not shag some guy!!! Take up kick boxing, or dancing or even bloody paintballing. DON'T risk your marriage because you're feeling a bit bored!

Agree with all the posters above. I've been with my DH since I was 18 so 15 years. We give each other the freedom your DH is happy with so we go on the odd separate holiday and both socialise separately (and together!).

I did have a phase pre DH of being a bit of a slapper and was on the hunt for a boyf. All I came across were guys who I now know used me and it's a phase in my life i am glad is long behind me and would erase if I could.

I go away / out with the girls a lot and watching some of the antics of women my age and older who are clearly 'on the pull' is quite embarrassing and I thank my lucky stars I am not playing that game!

Please look at the good things in your life. Take some time for you by all means... Do something reckless like travelling or a parachute jump... I honestly believe you won't find what you are looking for in a strangers bed x

Why don't you and your husband go out and have some fun together. You sound like you want to ave some fun, so have some. Go to a festival, have fun, have some non- mum time.

Met my OH at 17 he was 18. Married at 21/22. Children in our twenties. Nesting and working, me at home, husband/career. Pulled together all the way. Empty nest now for 12 years. Husband on the last leg of a very busy fulfilling career, retirement for him in about 5 years. Still loving laughing, living together after 40 years. Neither of us had any significant partners before we met. Having what we have has made us both feel very happy, secure, cared for, respected , loved and very very lucky. Wouldn't change that for the world. Wondering what might have been is a waste of energy, if everything you have is what you would be searching for had you not already had it. Use your energies to improve what is missing from what you already have. If you love your DH, you would be prioritising him over yourself and he, you! Think about it!

Your job of raising your boys is nearly done...

rather than chucking away a decent bloke who most women would fight you for why can't you look at all the other things you missed out on that didn't involve partying...

see I missed out on the partying because I was broke and studying to get the job I wanted...it happens ...there is absolutely no way you can have it all.

Are there any other dreams you have put to one side to raise your family..maybe retrain, new career???

I know this is anecdotal but the women I know who left for the hot guy are both very single, broke and miserable.

Those who retrained, did degrees, (plus a bit of relate) changed careers and found their self pride through their own achievements rather than looking to others are knackered but doing just fine!

And they have wonderful guys like yours who supported them through this significant period of change. It is normal. It is a mid life thing to reflect on what you missed through your choices and how you handle it could make you very happy or very sad. The ball is in your court.

Agree with Invicta
I went to see the stone roses the other weekend, morphed into the wild 18 year old me. Dh isn't know what had hit him but loved it because after all that's who he had originally fallen in love with.
We've realised that actually we just need to be a bit more carefree but that we can do that together

If you're bored and/or feeling like you're surplus to requirements, there are other ways to get a little purpose and more kick into your life that don't involve acting like a love-sick Jack Russell. :) Independent travel, further education, starting a business, trying out some new hobby or activity, writing a novel, a career ... all kinds of terrific stuff that would help you get your mojo back. Your husband is wise to realise that he has to risk letting you go if he wants you to come back happier.

Are you happy for your H to go out and have as many one night stands as he wants?

look maybe you are one of those people who will LOVE casual sex. more power to you.

just please understand that when you are 60/70/80, or if you ever become chronically ill (God forbid), or something like that, you will rue the day you threw away devotion in search of "fun".

"Fun" is great. just realise that the "fun" usually has an end. you are not always going to be attractive and desirable. eventually you will have to resort to desperation. perhaps one day you will even have to start paying for attention.

i know a woman who was a "free spirit" throughout her adult life, and proud of it. academic woman, bright, well paid, lovely person, extremely beautiful... she had no shortage of offers. went on holiday withe gorgeous rich men, out to dinner every night, dancing on tables... then she turned 48 and suddenly realised her life had emptied of all admirers.

she sits alone in a flat, online, hoping to snag men who are into "mature" ladies. her life is a humiliation.

men who leave their wives in search of "fun" eventually suffer a similar fate. age doesn't discriminate.

just be careful.
the grass isn't always greener.
you might just need counselling before you throw it all away.