Nearly ended my marriage last night

[mopbucket]

We have been together for 18yrs married for 12yrs dh was my first boyfriend and within 3 mths of knowing him we had a house together.
I love him to bits i really do but i just feel like i would like lots of one night stands, flirt and party.
Last night dh and i went out on a date and i told him everything, he said i should give up work for a bit and go traveling or join clubs etc he said he would do anything within his power to make me happy but that i couldnt sleep with another man
I know i lucky as im led here dh is cleaning and hoovering, i have breakfast in bed everyday and he cooks dinner most nights
So why do i feel so unhappy?

You are having what is known as mid-life crisis. I suggest to fantasize about some young hot stud for about 5 minutes and then grow the fk up.

If you don't want your lovely, caring, helpful husband I can guarantee one of us girls sitting here single after our not so D Hs went of and pursued their own bit of mid life sex will. He won't be there waiting for you when you realise you've made a huge mistake and come crawling back.

You are so very lucky OP. because if i had said that to my DP, he would have said "don't let the door hit your arse on the way out"

You DH clearly loves you so very much, and after you have told him that (can you just imagine how much that must have hurt) he tried for find ways to make you happy? Breakfast in bed every day? Cooks dinner every night? After 18years? I truly envy you. I'd give anything if my DP loved me half that much.

I do understand you feel you are missing out but i can tell you from bitter experience of a long line of one night stands, it eats away at your self esteem. A series of men who are quite happy to poke their cock in you, but don't actually want to take you out, spend time with you? In fact, i had one guy who wouldn't even let me stay until morning Oh yeah, it was brilliant, i felt like a indepedent, dont give a fuck woman, who just was so sooo sexy . Really, its not all its cracked up to be, it certainly wont be like a scene from 50 shades!!! It will most likely be crap sex too!

Have another talk wiht your husband and talk about things you can do TOGETHER to start making life more exciting again. Maybe even spice up the bedroom a bit? And i don't mean burn joss sticks either ;-)

I dont think you are selfish, i just think you are being a bit niave!

oikopolis is 48 the cut off then? only im 41 and wouldn't want to consider myself over the hill just yet :) But yes, a life spent on the superficial, is a life wasted :(

and I would suggest you read the sad threads here where the DH has actually done what you want to do and the children refuse to have any contact with the parent who consciously causes harm to the family.

you could lose them too

I know not much can change how you feel, however I would urge you to look at what you have got.
I ended a 6 year, first love, love of my life, lost my virginity to, relationship because I felt I was missing out. My dad had died and I was pretty unhinged.
All I can say is that it will haunt me for as long as I live.
I am thankfully very happily married to a fab bloke, but I often think what a screw up. Life wasnt better. Blokes thought I was a slapper. I ended up drinking too much cos I was so fed up. Not a good place to be.
Don't do it . It will not end well. Decent hubby's are are a rare commodity.

OK for one thing get it out of your head that your children are almost old enough not to need you. I used to think when mine were at university etc I'd be able to go and work abroad - they're home all the time and still need the security of their own home and their own mum. If you went off now and had wild adventures, they wouldn't 'understand' - they would be embarrassed and would be lonely without you.

Secondly, are you seriously thinking of trading in a happy marriage for a crap shag with a man who doesn't want to see you again and has only had sex with you because you're both drunk (aka a one night stand)? Do you realise how hard it is to find a good man?

I think you're living in a dream world, quite frankly.

I would echo that the grass isn't always greener. As others have said, find fun things to do with your husband to recapture your zest for things.

Please also don't underestimate how much your DC need you.

Good luck & I hope you can find happiness again within your marriage.

Thank you wise ones i know i have it good dh told me to go part time (i have my own buisness and work 55hrs + a wk) or give up work altogether and re start when i feel stronger but i love my work i look forward to mondays, will re look at my life thank you everyone xx

Do some exciting stuff with your dh then. I mean in and outside the house...Dh and I go to gigs, festivals, comedy clubs, out dancing, nights away, trips to London to the theartre and galleries. I find the planning fun and dh will do anything.
I often find dh more attractive away from home without the work/kids pressures intruding.

I had a life before dh that involved one nights stands and so on-god the sex was soooo crap.

I would try and reinvent what you've got before you look elsewhere.

Everybody 'wobbles' Mop!

My advice would be, stop seeing and chatting to the om, mentioned in your other thread and concentrate your efforts on your marriage.

If this is how you have been confiding in him, then boundaries have been crossed already. You are detaching, he thinks he's on a promise. Anything else is deluding yourself.

Think about losing all your time with your kids, possibly being forced too move out and put your energies into your marriage,

P.S. I'm nearly 38 & I still need my parents!

Am having a crisis myself:) however have realised before I do anything idiotic I will not be invited to sleep with the handsome 25 year olds of my youth but instead will have to settle for older more mature types who will ignore my no longer flat tummy and mottled thighs, just as I will ignore their no longer flat tummies and knackered faces:)

Op, your husband sounds a dote, and of course your boys need you. That book is bollocks btw, you'd be better off with jolly cooper:) and tell your husband you will not be sleep around. Before he confides in someone else .. Poor man, he must be reeling..

Dont want to sleep with a young man do prefer older men

I suppose it depends on how you define older- once a man of 30 seemed ancient to me:) and not worth a second gland. Now I would be hugely flattered!

Mop. If you love him and want to stay together then dont do it
if staying together with him will lead you to regret and wondering, leave and do it. One life why waste it dreaming of what might be. Let your husband have the same choice you have. Not fair on him to be in a marriage where you want someone else.