I'm so shame faced about this - sorry if a little TMI

[redfacedhurtface]

I've name changed obviously. Been seeing someone for a few months & lately things have become a little more serious with "feelings" being mentioned by him. Started to let my barriers down a bit & things were progressing nicely. That is until the other evening. We were at his, had drunk a fair bit of wine and we were being silly dancing in the living room and stuff. We had a bit of a sarcastic exchange over something silly and he said in retaliation, "yeh, will I don't like smelly pussy's". It was completely unrelated to our spat & I was so astounded, I said nothing, got my stuff together, called a taxi and went home and cried my eyes out. He text a few times that night trying to cover up what he said & apologised but I can't get passed it. Next day I had to get something I left at his (not least of all my car) and he brought it out, said nothing, no other apology and I haven't heard anything from him since. I'm fastidious about my cleanliness because there are times I think I smell but just assumed I was being a bit paranoid & now I'm wondering how I could ever let anyone have oral sex with me again after that. I was right to walk away ladies, wasn't I? It hurts because I'm embarrassed but also cause I liked him & was enjoying being cuddled & kissed & being important to someone.

What sort of person would say that? Ewww.

You were right to walk away.

We women have a natural, quite powerful scent, which has become unacceptable in these days of high cleanliness. I don't mean the fishy smell (although if this is a problem I would suspect too much soap) - I mean the unmistakeable heavy musky scent that is completely normal. Don't worry about it. Accept your femininity. Reject the arsehole who expects you to be some absurd shiny plastic version of a human being.

What Coconutty says.

And the opinion of someone who would say such a thing isn't worth the breath he said it with.

Maybe he was trying to tell you he was gay

Agree with Bushy, don't care what anyone says no matter how much you wash there's always a scent down there, most normal men find it a turn on!

He's definitely an arsehole, move on and be with a man who doesn't resort to childish name calling!!

Oh poor you. What a foul man.

Choochoo, if he was gay, I'm sure he wouldn't have been romancing me all these months.

How weird.

I do find some things people say are a pit odd. If it has upset you then definately don't pursue further. If he upsets you in the honeymoon stage, he's even more likely to when you're serious.

Besides - unless you have some kind of infection or something, how bad can it smell? He's just being a weirdo.

My husband is not keen of my fanjo when its freshly washed - he much prefers it a bit smelly! Ha ha! Its a natural smell.

What a hurtful comment - obviously from someone who has no fucking clue of women's bodies.
I had an ex who made a negative comment about my vagina once, he convinced me I was abnormally formed! It really, really panicked me for years after until I realised I was bloody normal and that any decent man would be thanking his lucky stars he was allowed anywhere near there!

You did totally the right thing by leaving.

Thank you everyone and for the private message I received giving me a man's persepective. Thank god for mumsnet; it is really not the sort of thing I could tell anyone in RL. I now I have the job of telling people we are no longer seeing one another when on Friday I was blooming and everything was going so well - or so I thought. I'm still tearful but I've been through worse. (I'd die if I thought he'd told any of his friends - I live in a small town!)

If only that were true, Coconutty. He's very attractive, tall, nice body and well built in all areas. Just a shame he's got Asperger's.

Has he got Asperger's OP? Or was that a "rude=Asperger's" jibe?

Sayjay, not at all - he has Asperger's.

What an absolute twat.

Don't worry about future men, or be shame faced. Many men LIKE that smell. Yes its distinctive, but that's what sex smells like.

Then that puts a slightly different slant on the incident, IMO.

It was unacceptable and hurtful of him to say that. I can understand why you were upset. You could tell him, directly and frankly, that it hurt and embarrassed you. If he is apologetic and repentant then I would say, all is not lost.

I was a bit touchy as my DS has ASD (and several other family members - including DH, I have come to believe).

People with ASD are not all insensitive twits. However, like the rest of the population, some are!

If he did apologise, and you've said that he did, perhaps he thought that you had forgiven / forgotten the incident. Can you put it down to Aperger's ? He may not have realised how much it hurt you.

Was it not just an alcohol fuelled childish joke (albeit an inappropriate and disgusting one)? I would be more concerned about the fact that he didn't apologise when you went for your stuff the next day (especially when he can clearly see that you are very upset by his comments) than what odour your minge is kicking out. I'm sure it smells fine otherwise why would he have gone near it in the first place . He sounds a bit juvenile and probably thought you would find it funny too.

I wouldn't expect someone with ASD to necessarily "clearly see you are very upset by his comments". You need to be direct, explicit and unambiguous and TELL him.

It was an awful, crass thing to say. AS may have played a part, but so might the wine. Who knows.

If he can't recognise that you're hurt, and make an attempt to fix it, sadly it doesn't bode well for any relationship with him.

So sorry, what a horrid way for things to end.

Sayjay, I understand your sensitivity.

In the few month's we've been together, he has been very honest about his problems. For the first few weeks after we met, we communicated by written word because of his lack of confidence in his ability to communicate with me in person.

He is quite a text book case from what I've researched and has previously made insensitive comments but only during general discussions. This time, it was during a bit of a spat and I felt it was said to hurt me rather than just an insensitive comment.

You make a very valid point in your last paragraph!

I hate to be so brief but bf'ing DS2:

Could it be the 'sarcastic spat' scenario that has thrown him off i.e. your body language saying one thing and your words another? Caused confusion and flustered him.

I don't want to make excuses for anyone, but points to consider if you otherwise enjoyed your relationship and want it to continue.

I'm torn - obviously for my DS I hope he finds an understanding partner in life and lives a fulfilled happy love-filled life. However, communication problems with my DH have brought us to the brink more than once. It's not just about being understanding, but accepting a different kind of relationship too.

Sayjay, I guess it is entirely possible. I haven't really had any experience of this before.

Oh god, I do (did) so like him. But accepting of a different type of relationship where one has to learn not to be hurt by this type of thing must be very hard on the non asperger's partner.

But I can see how his life has been very negatively affected by relationship problems, platonic, family and romantic.

Your DS is very lucky that you understand about this. My bloke's mother was not so.