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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

just recieved an abusive message.

44 replies

shatterednow · 08/07/2012 06:40

Firstly as some background ive struggled with depression and anxiety for years. i have 4 small children and recently cut all contact with an online group of friends as yhis sott of stuff was making my heart so heavy :( its been about 2 months and i was just starting to feel better.

Firstly the message was from my Aunt Hmm

She has just celebrated her birhday and invited all my sisters. my mum. dad. Sisters boyfriends to hers last night for a get together.

Not me.

At 3AM i was sent a message. just read it now...

Its her asking why i didnt send her a birthday card (??!) and i havent for 3 years now. shes 48 fgs!!!

She goes onto say it jurts because she saw i sent SIL one recently. i did and its the ONLY card i ever sent her as it was her 30th!!

She says "ive changed and goes on to get really nasty and abusive about my gran who is ill with dementia. saying you sit thrre and kiss her and tell her you love hrr but you dont. all in capitals..

This is over one incident where i couldnt get to my grans... they got to her withjn 20 mins.

I just dont know what to do.

Im past this shit you know??

I dont want the bloody drama.

Stupid woman was obviously pissed.

I dont know where to go from here.

Im not one of these fafebook idiots. ive got 15 people as friends ALL family and one or 2 real friends. i use it to share photos.

Should i completly ignore it?? Never mention ir?

I want yo judt message her back asking her not to contact me again sd i just dont have the eenergy for it.

Or csll her?

Or shall i just pass the message onto my mum? She will be fumibg.

Aunt slways starts this shit when drunk.

Ps apologies for awfil typing. am on phone wirh babe in arms!!

OP posts:
mumblechum1 · 08/07/2012 07:02

I'd be inclined to text back suggesting that if she has anything to discuss she calls you when she's sober.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 08/07/2012 07:06

Middle-aged women who send abusive texts at 3am are very bitter and probably pissed. If she has history of drinking that would fit. As you can't reason with a drunk, it's best ignored. I would have a word with your mum, however. Being accused of faking interest in your gran (her mother?) is pretty nasty stuff and I think it's a good idea if a few people know just what a bully she is. Then give dear Auntie a wide berth.

bleedingheart · 08/07/2012 07:11

Is she often like this?
I guess the best thing to do would probably be to ignore it or what mumblechum said.
It must be so hard not to let rip! Honestly, she excludes you from a family get together and then gets mardy about a card, what is she a 3yr old princess?
Disengage. Focus on people who you like. If people ask why you don't talk to said Aunt, tell the truth.

Original poster
shatterednow · 08/07/2012 07:11

I want to plaster the message sll ovrr FB so everyone can see how nasty she is ... but wont.

I dont even want to speak to her when sober. i have nothing to say to her. nothing productive anyways.

OP posts:
arthurfowlersallotment · 08/07/2012 07:13

Show your mum- so that people are at least aware of how abusive she is towards you, and then just try and forget it and her.

StealthPolarBear · 08/07/2012 07:14

Why were you excluded? And why did the rest of your family go along with this?

bleedingheart · 08/07/2012 07:16

I would tell your mum actually because I think you need some support as it was so cruel. I didn't realise it was Facebook, she really is immature!
Don't post it all over Facebook; people will be embarrassed for both of you, she was drunk and you are sober. Tell your parents and explain upset the stuff about your grandma made you.

Original poster
shatterednow · 08/07/2012 07:20

Stealth...

I dont lnow.

I refuse most invitations as i have 4 small kids ... also had my 3 week old nephew last night ... and because my anxiety make me cripplingly shy. even with family

so theu stop asking i guesd. assume ill say no rather than ask.

But ive been feeling better the ladt few months. been out to cinema... been yo lunch with my sisters. even had a koppaberg [wink|

So i might have gone if asked

OP posts:
Original poster
shatterednow · 08/07/2012 07:21

I would never do it bleeding. its my gut reaction. but i dont act on them. i take time to decide whats best.

OP posts:
Original poster
shatterednow · 08/07/2012 07:22

Sorry for awful typing. i cant see a thing on my phone lol. will be coherent when i get on laptop!!

OP posts:
StealthPolarBear · 08/07/2012 07:23

You had your 3 week old nephew? So his parents could go to this do?
You sound as though people walk all over your good nature.
Get the dullest "happy birthday sorry it's late" card, sign your name and nothing more and put it through her door. Then forget about any of them that aren't on your side

Original poster
shatterednow · 08/07/2012 07:25

Yes stealth. :(

Omg im actually going to do that. ive got 10 for £1 Cards downstairs. i wont mention it al ALL

ill show my mum but make her promise not to mention it and send card.

OP posts:
LottieJenkins · 08/07/2012 07:29

Surely if you send the card you are giving in to what she wants/has said? I would just ignore her!!!

Original poster
shatterednow · 08/07/2012 07:30

Actually Dh just pointed out that the sarcasm of the late card would prob be lost on her and she would see it as an apology. so wont bother.

OP posts:
CogitoErgoSometimes · 08/07/2012 07:33

Don't send a card because that just means 'bullying works'. This is an angry drunk at 3am getting herself wound up in the 'how dare she!!!' fashion, adding a few extra barbs because she knows the OP has anxiety problems and is an easy target.

Do make people aware of what an arse she is but in a subtle way. There will come a day when you can get your own back but it isn't today.

LottieJenkins · 08/07/2012 07:37

I am a great believer in Karma coming back and biting people hard on the bums! Lets hope that your lovely Aunt gets nipped! Wink

bleedingheart · 08/07/2012 07:39

You sound so lovely OP, how sad that your Aunt doesn't value that but chooses to bully you instead. Take comfort that you'll probably have a much better relationship with your nephew and be the kind of aunt people want to keep in touch with.

StealthPolarBear · 08/07/2012 07:44

I actually don't see the card like that, but if she would then that's all that matters :)
How long did you look after this 3 week old? Does he still wake in the night?

Original poster
shatterednow · 08/07/2012 07:52

Hes been here since about 3 yesterday.

He did wake ip yes. and ive been up since 5:30 now but its no problem. I love him to pieces and my sister is lovely and deserves a break :)

OP posts:
HecateHarshPants · 08/07/2012 07:56

I would reply saying "I have retained this message. Do not contact me again."

Make her crap herself that her vileness is going to bite her in the arse.

StealthPolarBear · 08/07/2012 07:57
Shock You have 4 small children of your own. And he is still there - i was hoping I'd misunderstood and you were going to say "oh I on;y had him for a couple of hours yesterday evening" But you had this newborn all night long so your sister and her DH/DP could go out with the Aunt who has been so poisonous to you. Did your sister not even ask why yu weren't going (I realise she is likely to have assumed you were invited and said no - that would be the normal assumption rather than you'd been excluded!)
Aussiebean · 08/07/2012 08:01

Send her the card but put in some leaflets on alcohol addiction. Tell her that her latest drunken rant, and obvious memory loss, has left you worried for her obvious addiction to alcohol. Tell her is comes from a place of love and that you forgive her for her drunken abuse.

;)

StealthPolarBear · 08/07/2012 08:02

ooh Aussie you are genius evil

Original poster
shatterednow · 08/07/2012 08:23

So tempting aussie but i dont want to cause shit.

OP posts:
pumpkinsweetie · 08/07/2012 08:32

Your Aunt sounds postitively toxic, don't send her a card, just ignore her.
I don't get this big deal over forgotten cards, its not the end of the world.
Some people just like to cause shit, you had good reasons for not being there-4 small dcs & a newborn nephew to look after-your aunt is a dick, don't bother to correspond with her, she isn't worth your time