just recieved an abusive message.

[shatterednow]

Firstly as some background ive struggled with depression and anxiety for years. i have 4 small children and recently cut all contact with an online group of friends as yhis sott of stuff was making my heart so heavy :( its been about 2 months and i was just starting to feel better.

Firstly the message was from my Aunt

She has just celebrated her birhday and invited all my sisters. my mum. dad. Sisters boyfriends to hers last night for a get together.

Not me.

At 3AM i was sent a message. just read it now...

Its her asking why i didnt send her a birthday card (??!) and i havent for 3 years now. shes 48 fgs!!!

She goes onto say it jurts because she saw i sent SIL one recently. i did and its the ONLY card i ever sent her as it was her 30th!!

She says "ive changed and goes on to get really nasty and abusive about my gran who is ill with dementia. saying you sit thrre and kiss her and tell her you love hrr but you dont. all in capitals..

This is over one incident where i couldnt get to my grans... they got to her withjn 20 mins.

I just dont know what to do.

Im past this shit you know??

I dont want the bloody drama.

Stupid woman was obviously pissed.

I dont know where to go from here.

Im not one of these fafebook idiots. ive got 15 people as friends ALL family and one or 2 real friends. i use it to share photos.

Should i completly ignore it?? Never mention ir?

I want yo judt message her back asking her not to contact me again sd i just dont have the eenergy for it.

Or csll her?

Or shall i just pass the message onto my mum? She will be fumibg.

Aunt slways starts this shit when drunk.

Ps apologies for awfil typing. am on phone wirh babe in arms!!

Just been told by my mum its my own fault i wasnt invited as i turned down many previous ibvitations to things.

Am done.

My family is here. im my home. im not dealing with these toxic idiots anymore

It's your fault for the message? WTF?!

I'd definitely send the alcohol abuse leaflets.

I can sort of see your mum's point although I think she shouldn't use words like 'fault' and shouldn't take your aunt's side. If your problems with anxiety and depression mean you have become distant from your family and not attend social events, it could be misinterpreted as you being aloof or not caring, rather than struggling mentally. Does your family know your medical history? Are they aware how difficult you find these occasions? Are you getting help for the anxiety and depression?

But you were babysitting, cant your mum see that?
When you have four young children it is hard to get out sometimes, they should know that!!
Its not easy to get a babysitter for 4 dcs let alone a newborn aswell!
I feel for your op, my dhs family is just like your family!, i have had fil here on an early mothers day morning kicking off over mil not getting her card&present before 9:30am!!
These sort of toxic people obviously have nothing serious to be getting on with other than worrying about their own celebrations and what they have been given

OP What is your aunt like when she is sober?

She will probably not remember sending the horrible text to you. People do things like this when they're drunk.

Hopefully, she will be overcome with embarrassment and remorse when she sobers up and you will receive a grovelling apology.

With relatives like that, it's no wonder you suffer from depression and anxiety.

Well I have managed to keep my cool all day and not replied or acknowledged the message bar removing her and her daughter from my fb page.

My mum pointed out she was so pissed she couldnt open the front door so she must have recruited my uncle or cousin to type this message out

Anyways im not contacting her. im done with her.

My mother has now read the message and has a copy and she will be ringing her later... my mum is fuming after reading it.

I also told my gran whats been said and i assume auntie will get an earful from her too.

Why did you delete the aunties daughter, presumably she hasn't done anything wrong?

I am sorry that your aunt is being so heinous and cruel to you - I have no idea why she would want to be.

Do you know if she remembers sending it or not?

Why is your sister leaving her 3 week old baby with you overnight? They all sound like arses tbh.

Because they are thick as thieves. andbif i dont want auntie on my page then she has to go too as she will just view through her daughters profile.

That might seem harsh but im trying to turn my life around. im taling my tablets. im loosing weight and if i want to cut the negativity that affects me and my mentsl health so badly then i need to make w clean break. :(

No. no ko mo.

Please dont judge my sister. she is lovely and my best friend.

She had so much go on lately. i WANTED to mind him. i really did. and in glad she had a good night.

This is not the issue. i loved having him :)

You're a brilliant sister :) Let your sister know how you feel

You souds like a good sister but I personally wouldnt be leaving my 3 week old baby over night with anyone-especially someone who has 4 kids of their own to mind.

Reeks of taking advantage to me....

I'm sorry, I don't want to be rude, but me haing my sisters baby overnight is nothing to do with this, my aunt has upset me. My sister has done nothing.

Shes had an awful pregnancy, her FIL died 2 weeks before baby was born, she had a horrendous birth, her baby was in nicu for 5 days ... shes coped so well she needed a break and I was more than happy and more than capable to look after my nephew with my husband.

She is passive like me and kind, and wouldn't know the meaning of taking advantage.

Shes the only one who I call upon to mind my kids so I was more than happy to return the favour and I love every minute of having him!

And don't judge her for me having him over night, shes a bloody dedicated mum who has been through hell the last few weeks, she pretty much raised her older son alone and has given everything to motherhood for 6 years. why shouldn't she have 1 night to herself? The baby had no idea, he was happy as Larry here :)

I hope I'm not coming across rudely but its totally beside the point, my sister is not the issue and has never been, I can confide anything in her, please understand.

shatterednow - What it is you want to achieve? Do you want to build bridges? Are you interested in maintaining a level of relationship to your aunt? Seriously, what your aunt did was totally out of order and gutless too - she couldn't tell you face to face so sent you a text. Really mature not.

If you want to salvage things,, go arrange a coffee and have a chat. People are far more forgiving if they can see each other in the flesh.

If this woman has been down this road before and hurled abuse at you then she is toxic. Keep your boundaries. Don't respond. People hate it when they don't get a reply - it means they haven't got the satisfaction of pressing your buttons.

It's utterly unreasonable to send you messages like that telling you HER opinion - without giving you the chance to tell you your story. It's abusive and it's adult bullying.

Your Aunt did not invite you to her birthday so she's one to talk about birthdays..... Let it go and do something more worthwhile with your time than stew over her

I don't want to salvage things, we are not close anyways, shes a very selfish woman who has a history of getting nasty when drunk.

I've not contacted her, I won't.

My mum spoke to her and my aunt said she would come to see me and my mum told her, on my behalf, to stay away.

have no desire to 'sort ths out'.

She launched a vindictive, unprovoked, drunk, hurtful, personal attack against me and made her feelings towards me quite clear.

Well done shattered you are sounding like a woman who values herself properly. You are sorting out which of your family can be relied on as allies and which are hurtful and damaging. It is fine to cut off those who harm you without giving a reason or justifying it to anyone. You have to look after yourself so you can be a good mum and a good sister/daughter and a happy person.
Let your aunt deal with her own demons. She must have problems if she feels the need to drink heavily and attack vulnerable relations at 3am.
At least she has left you in no doubt about her!

Now do something heartwarming that makes you feel good!