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Original poster

What did you do about your surname post divorce?

40 replies

ornellaia · 07/07/2012 10:48

Assuming you took XH's surname when you married (I know lots don't) did you revert to your maiden name when you split?

I took STBX's surname when we married, it's the DC's surname, I don't want my maiden name back (belonged to my abusive father), but I don't know if I want want to keep STBX's name - changing it seems like a bit of a faff and I think I'd like to have the same surname as the DC. But is it odd to keep an ex-husband's surname?

OP posts:

TheFidgetySheep · 07/07/2012 10:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

madasa · 07/07/2012 11:29

Kept my married name for years because of my DD who was only 3 when we her dad and I split up.

She is now 21 ...one day a few months ago, it suddenly got to me having to sign his name , and I thought I don't want to do this for the rest of my life.

No idea where divorce papers/marriage cert etc. so changed my name by deed poll back to maiden name. 10 mins online...job done. Bit of a faff to change with all utilities etc, time consuming but easy....well worth it :)

CogitoErgoSometimes · 07/07/2012 11:32

I divorced about 15 years ago and not only kept my married name but, when I had DS 12 years ago, gave it to him as well despite him having no link at all with my exH. The genealogists will have a field day with us.

bigTillyMint · 07/07/2012 11:35

My mother has been Mrs MarriedName for 37 or so years since she divorced my father

Pandygirl · 07/07/2012 11:36

I kept my old name until I re-married, it was just less hassle.

Teansympathy · 07/07/2012 11:37

It is up to you hun, but if you got DCs they can choose when they are older and when 16 they can name chance legally by deed poll, it used to be free but I think there is a small charge now.
But in Scotlan you can just name change with no legal procedures to whatever name you want if your an Adult.

TodaysAGoodDay · 07/07/2012 11:43

I went back to my maiden name afterwards. You can do it via your divorce solicitor, but just choose a different surname. You'll need lots of certified copies, which your solicitor can give you, for the likes of the bank, pension company, credit card issuer etc. Have fun if you choose a different name, and congrats on the nearly-divorce!

Original poster

ornellaia · 07/07/2012 11:44

Changing the DC's name isn't an option, STBX may have been a shit husband but he's still their dad. I guess I'll stick with the name I've got, relieved to hear I'm not the only one to do it though.

OP posts:

FanjoPingpong · 07/07/2012 11:45

My Mum kept her name because she was a teacher, and was used to being called Mrs [x]. When she remarried she took her new husband's last name.

Lifeissweet · 07/07/2012 11:46

I've gone back to my maiden name. My DP didn't really like me still having my ex-H's name and, tbh, I wasn't mad on it either. If I ever marry again (which is highly doubtful) I will keep my maiden name. It was amazing how much I felt like being 'myself' again once I'd changed it back. I know it's only a name, but it was the name I was born with and it's mine

akaemmafrost · 07/07/2012 11:47

Kept my married name for anything to do with kids, school, hospital appts for ds etc.

Single name for anything I have done since split ie new bank account, FB, email addresses.

I think of myself as my single name in general though.

Flisspaps · 07/07/2012 11:47

It's not odd. My mum kept her married surname until she remarried.

You could change yours to something completely different if you wanted to though, it's not a case of maiden name or married name

Lifeissweet · 07/07/2012 11:47

Oh - Fanjo - yes, to add I am also a teacher (and at a Catholic School), so I am still Mrs Ex-H's name to the children at school. I didn't fancy explaining how I haven't got married, but have changed my name. It's just easier to stay as Mrs x until I leave the school.

Scarredbutnotbroken · 07/07/2012 11:53

Having same dilemma but leaking toward maiden name despite nutcase dad. My mum kept her married name post divorce to have the same name as me and felt she couldn't revert.
I have never used my married name at work though. I qualified in my maiden name and academic contacts would know me as that. Also in my field it's better to have some professional detachment. So I have been mrs maiden name at work always and only mrs married name at home. Exp has been such a twit post split - I'm over the guilt I'm going back! My dd's will remain with his name but at least they have the same surname as each other and dad - how bad can that be?

jynier · 07/07/2012 11:56

Was married a long time; everybody knows me by married name so kept it after divorce after a lot of pondering (I like my maiden name!) but also didn't want to have different name from DCs. XH's second wife doesn't like us both having the same title (I kept Mrs. too).

MushroomSoup · 07/07/2012 12:52

I kept it until I remarried. My mum and dad have been divorced for over 30 years but she still uses 'MrsDad'.
I had no emotional link to my XH's name, and didn't make any conscious decision to keep it. I'd just been that name for ten years and I identified myself with it.
My friend reverted back to her maiden name before her divorce went through.
Don't suppose there's any 'right way' to do it!

nobutts · 07/07/2012 14:05

I went back to Maiden name as there was scandal and rumours associated with exh at my workplace (all true ad all linked to the split) also, i wasn;t married to him any more. DC still has his name and DC2 - due in Dec - will have my DPs name and maybe my surname in there somewhere.
I didn't worry about DC having a different name and DC doesn't either.
Cogito - if you don't mind me asking.. what did your DC2's father think of you giving DC your exs name?

greenearrings · 07/07/2012 14:25

When I married for the first time,I wanted to keep my maiden name,or at least to hyphenate it with my h. But my parents were hugely against this,and refused to call me anything other than Mrs xhsurname,saying I was "his" and therefore "no longer entitled to my fathers name".......

The second time I married,I changed my name to my h's. But, after divorcing,I chose my own surname and changed it by deed poll.

My dc have different surnames to each other,and to me.And we avoid my parents......

susiedaisy · 07/07/2012 14:33

I am stuck in a similar dilemma been divorced a few months now and don't wait to keep exH name but my Ds have his name, but I don't feel like having my fathers name again (have a strained relationship with him) I just feel like having a whole new and different surname but not sure what and don't want to unsettle the dc's as they have been through enough over the last couple of years!

Lueji · 07/07/2012 15:09

Could you have your mother's?

Thank god I never changed mine.

03angels · 07/07/2012 15:09

I changed back to my mothers maiden name as my grandad was my dad in my eye so u was proud to bear his name( I have same issues with my 'df')

I was sad about having a different name to my dds but they never batted an eye about it

skyebluesapphire · 07/07/2012 18:17

I have this dilemma, I dont want his name as he doesn't want me, so i would love to go back to my maiden name but would prefer to have same name as dd plus use my married name professionally.

I asked my friend do I stay Mrs or go Ms or Miss?! I don't feel I'm Mrs if divorced but don't feel like the other two either.

I think I will stay Mrs H surname.

Original poster

ornellaia · 07/07/2012 18:22

I've thought of using my mum's maiden name, at least I'd have a name I wouldn't have to spell/pronounce for people. I guess there's no rush, I'll see how I settle keeping my current name for a bit - I can always change it later if it bothers me.

OP posts:

HotDAMNlifeisgood · 07/07/2012 18:24

With deed polls, the world is pretty much your oyster, ornellaia, so you don't have to be either Mrs Ex-H or Ms AbusiveFather'sName - you could be anything you choose!

WitchOfEndor · 07/07/2012 18:25

When I split from my xH I changed my name back to my maiden name by deed poll straight away. Made so much simpler because no kids were involved thank goodness

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