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Original poster

What did you do about your surname post divorce?

40 replies

ornellaia · 07/07/2012 10:48

Assuming you took XH's surname when you married (I know lots don't) did you revert to your maiden name when you split?

I took STBX's surname when we married, it's the DC's surname, I don't want my maiden name back (belonged to my abusive father), but I don't know if I want want to keep STBX's name - changing it seems like a bit of a faff and I think I'd like to have the same surname as the DC. But is it odd to keep an ex-husband's surname?

OP posts:

TheFallenMadonna · 07/07/2012 18:45

My mum has kept her married name, because it had been her name for over 30 years when they divorced. Longer than she'd had her previous name. It is her name.

DoingItForMyself · 07/07/2012 19:06

Love the idea of using mum's maiden name as mine was fab and she kept it for work, using my dad's for home stuff.

I double-barreled when we got married as I wasn't overly fond of his name and liked MINE! He changed his too and the DCs are also all double-barreled, so I will keep mine but change the Mrs to Ms. Hope he knocks mine of the end of his though, he doesn't deserve to keep it! Bet he will keep it though, he's still wearing his wedding ring and a bracelet with all our names on it a month after moving out. Twat.

Yesterday DD (age 5) said if you were a teacher would you be M.R.S or M.I.S.S and I said "Mrs". She said quite gleefully "no you wouldn't because you're not married anymore!" and I explained that technically I am, until we get a special piece of paper and then I won't be Miss I'll be Ms - thoroughly confused her with the 'Ms'

Lueji · 07/07/2012 19:26

And I'm a Dr too, so I'd rather use that.

mathanxiety · 07/07/2012 19:32

I kept my married name but retained the right to change it whenever I wanted without having to pay a fee (divorced in the US).

Strangely enough, exH started to tell the DCs during the early visitation days that I was now M. Maiden-name, despite knowing full well that I was not, because this was expressly stated in the divorce agreement. He also wrote a few child support cheques to me with M. Maiden-name as the payee, which of course my bank wouldn't accept since they knew me as M. Marriedname. I was not amused. When he sued me for contempt of court he used my maiden name on his petition, and in front of the court I reiterated that the name I used was my married name and not my maiden name. The judge raised an eyebrow as high as it would go at him, especially when he heard about the child support cheques with the wrong name. He made himself look like the nut job that he is.

It upset the DCs to think I had a different surname from theirs so I intend to keep the married name until they are all a bit older. When exH started telling the DCs lies about my name DD4 cried about it when she came home.

As well as that, while my educational records are all under my maiden name, my work history is associated with my married name and it's handy just to keep the same name.

I have always used Ms, ever since I was 18, single, married and now divorced, and that won't change.

mampam · 07/07/2012 19:48

I kept my married name for 3 reasons.

It is the DC's surname.
I hate my maiden name.
I knew it would really piss off the OW by me keeping it!

I am now married again and have double barrelled my old married name with my new. Once the DC's have finished school I plan to ditch the old married name.

lemonstartree · 07/07/2012 20:03

I reverted back to maiden name - has only used mrs x for home stuff anyway. I kept my professional stuff in my maiden name,

now I have DP too there will be Mr A; Ms B and the little X's going on holiday.... feels a bit weird but I DID NOT want XP's name any more....

ToothbrushThief · 07/07/2012 20:14

I went back to my maiden name and will keep that. My Dad is a lovely man and I am proud to have his name. I felt very emotional changing because it felt like cutting a tie with my DC... that feeling lasted for about 24 hours prior to doing it and once announced I felt a huge sense of relief and like I'd cut a tie to my ex. It's never been a problem as regards the DC.

It was for me a hugely positive move

FizzlingFireboxes · 07/07/2012 20:31

This is really interesting, I am soon to be divorced and had my married name for 15 years, almost all my adult life and the same as the 3 DC's, I never liked my maiden name, it's very regional and common where I live.
I thought you werent allowed to use the title 'Mrs' after divorce? I'm not sure my DP would like me keeping ex's name but it's something I've thought about, glad it's not as unusual as I first thought.

mathanxiety · 07/07/2012 20:38

You can use any title you want except Dr as that implies qualification to practice medicine.

Springhasarrived · 07/07/2012 21:10

I'm not divorced yet plan on changing to my maiden name as soon as I feel I can give up my passport for a few weeks to get it changed. ( DD is living abroad and I like to think I can always go to see her if I need to) I've never been comfortable with Mrs Nearly Ex H and I married over 25 yrs ago. It felt like a little bit of me died. It is going to resurrected very soon My DC's are fine with it.

My married name is unusual and there is no chance that if someone knows my Ex they would not realise I am his Ex once they hear my name IFYSWIM. I think this is the overwhelming reason for changing.

OW sent me a letter recently. She addressed it Ms so I suspect she will be happy for me to change it but that's no reason not to be myself again.

DoingItForMyself · 08/07/2012 14:23

Reading this - especially ToothbrushThief - I'm beginning to think that actually I might change back to just my maiden name instead of keeping the double-barreled name?

As the DCs would still have both my name & stbxh's name in their surname, it wouldn't be like totally cutting the tie with them and would give me back my old identity, pre-twunt.

Plus it would be funny to see if he kept my name! I think he probably would as the double-barreled thing gives him delusions of grandeur and he always preferred my name!

Sosmum · 08/07/2012 14:34

I went back to my maiden name and also being a Miss. I was more than happy to do it. My issue is dd who doesn't want her dad's surname either, she wants the same name as her brothers and sister.

HollyBollyBooBoo · 08/07/2012 14:50

I'm in exactly the same situation OP and want to keep married name as have no affinity to my maiden name. However will I become a 'Miss' again or keep 'Mrs'? Technically I won't be married when divorce comes through so not a Mrs so I'll need to change all documents etc anyway?

imatwat · 08/07/2012 15:04

I changed back to my maiden name as soon as I divorced, irrespective of the kids. I just didn't want to carry his identify around with me. (And it was a horrible name which rhymed with a name for an idiot.)

MavisGrind · 08/07/2012 15:10

I have so far kept my married name as my dcs are still little and I want to be the same as them. I won't go back to my maiden name as it's rather boring (hence changing it in the first place) but I'm thinking of changing it to my grandmothers maiden name as a)she was great and b) I like the name.

I've been Ms for a while though..!

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