Would you go out with a guy that still lives with his parents?

[Gin30]

Thats it really. Would you be concerned that a guy is 35 and still lives at home?

Oh well, if he's a musician who is following his dream, I would certainly run like the fucking wind.

When my partner split from his exw he lived with his parents for 5/6 months while he found and bought his own place. That's understandable, although I wasn't with him then. If he'd never left home or couldn't cope on his own then that's totally different.

He'll be still pursuing his up and down career as a musician/dreams of being properly recognised with his parents subsidising him during the next 12 years as well unless they can palm him off onto you. If he has not made it by now at 35, he never will do.

When you write "His Dad has subsidised him for a long time", use the word enabled instead.

You sound really desperate for male company despite all misgivings if you think this person actually is a safe bet?. No, more like a millstone or another manchild to saddle yourself with. I think you need to expand your own horizons here.

What would you actually get out of such a relationship?. You would end up enabling him as his parents have done up till now; they have truly done him no favours here either. You're right, this will not work out.

Sorry I should have said 'if he'd never left home without good reason'. The ones with businesses attached to where they live are totally understandable.

No. He can't live alone and he can't run his business - not that you HAVE to run one, but if you do, then you shouldn't be having someone pour cash into it. It's either viable or its not and if it's not, a grown up says ok, this isn't working, I'm going to do X, Y, Z about it. They don't go running to the bank of mummy and daddy.

Someone who, at 35, has not shown themselves as capable of being a fully functioning independent adult is not someone I would take on. They'd likely just drag me down with them, or I'd end up being Mummy.

I'm sure there are men out there who have never left home at 35 and who are mature independent men who won't expect a partner to look after them like mummy did and who are good with their finances and understand what it takes to run a home and have their priorities right, but I think they are as rare as hen's teeth.

Big blinky warning signs. My friend met her now DH. He was 40 still at home with suffocating mummy. The man is a total nightmare. He owned his own house, but rented it out and stayed at home?!?!?
He is a rotten father, husband and human being. His mother is a bitch on wheels. Problems started from the day one.
He went for dinner at his mums every night for 6 weeks after his wedding and she had a panic attack each night he left to return to his wife.
Run and do not look back.

Gin30 you've answered your own question. In 12 years, your life has moved on. You've grown up, and had to take responsibility. He hasn't.

However tempted you are, this is a complication and a drain on your resources you really don't need.

Does it count if the parents live in his house? My DP had to move his in after his wife left him and the parents had health and housing problems. Now he can't get them out again! They are lovely though.

I think it just means he is a lovely caring man. And he pays all the bills!

Lemon well if that's true, then it's not the same situation at all! Presumably you knew him before this all happened?

No olgaga I only met him a year after they moved in.
He took me home to meet them after a fortnight. Some days it feels like being teenagers sneaking around his home. But they will move out again eventually!
Like I said though they are darlings! And nearly 80

I wouldn't.

I only said he's a safe bet in the fact that I know he's not a psychopath or anything. But I really won't risk it. My child comes first! I can't be arsed with "mothering" a grown man.

and some of these stories are terrifying. Seriously who goes to their mums house everyday for 6 weeks after their wedding?