Would you go out with a guy that still lives with his parents?

[Gin30]

Thats it really. Would you be concerned that a guy is 35 and still lives at home?

I wouldn't, but not really because of any assumptions about how dependent they must be, more for practical reasons (I wouldn't want them staying at my place in the early stages because of my dc and I wouldn't feel comfortable staying over and shagging at his parents).

Quite a few members of my extended family have stayed living at home until they moved out into a home with their partners, it's not at all unusual in my circles, partly because of cultural reasons and partly because London is especially expensive. They all pull their weight in the home once they moved out and have good, mature relationships with their parents.

Christ no. I value my independance very highly, and dont really understand people who would want to do this. I mean, its their choice, and thats fine by me, but we wouldnt be a match if they had never left home.

No. I don't know any women who still live with their parents in their mid-30s and the men that still do are not grown ups. Relationships should be equal

it would depend on the reasons and how involved the parents were in his life.
Is he still "babied"

For instance would he expect all his laundry, food shopping, cooking, housework done for him?

Or is it like having housemates, each having individual interests ,maybe some communal laundry, shopping, sharing some meals but ulitmately responsible for themselves?

Absolutely no way!

A man that age still living at home has no ambition, is too lazy to think about making a life for himself and usually spends everything he earns without any thought for the future.

I speak from the experience of observing my uncle, who lived off my grandma all his life - and my younger brother, who lived off my mum until she died.

Now my brother has found another lovely mug woman to live off.

Complete wasters. Steer well clear.

Depends really. My DB has never left home because the job he has been in doesn't pay enough for him to move out and even pay rent. Rents are generally £500+ in our area and DB was working 14hrs a day, 6 days a week just to have enough to pay the maintenance to his ex. By the time he'd payed that, and the rent, electricity and rates, car tax and insurance, servicing and MOT we worked out that he'd have all of £1.36 to live on for the month.

He would be better off living with mum and dad than starving just to keep a roof over his head.

Oh, and in this day and age, he'd be better off in a job than on the dole getting less.

It would depend on the circumstances.

I think its unfair to say any man living with his parents is a loser. I also think this will become more common.

My brother still lives at home with my mum. He's 37 . He is not , nor has he ever been , a waster , lazy , spendthrift , a mummy's boy , or frightened of the outside world . He is a decent , hard working man , who stays , because the 24 hr family business that he took over when my dad died , is based there , and it would cost a fortune to move everything . He has never moved out , because he's worked so damn hard to keep the family's head above water , that he never really had the chance to meet anyone , until recently . Rent and overheads where he lives are eye watering , and my mum would have had to have sold the family home where she lived all her life , so it made financial sense to pool their money .

Across the road from my mum, lives a girl I went to school with . She lives with her aged parents , and is 42 . Would you level the same accusations at her , or justify it as caring for her elderly parents instead ?

No, unless it was temporary.

My dad still lived at home until about 35 - and he was a great bloke!
However if I was in this situation now, I'd be a bit wary of a guy that age still living at home!

It's a no from me.

Would you level the same accusations at her , or justify it as caring for her elderly parents instead ?

Plomino, that would depend, wouldn't it. Does she actually care for them? Or just live off them because it suits her?

In my brother's case, he wouldn't lift a finger to help with anything around the house or garden. My uncle didn't even pay his board and lodging and gambled his salary away all his life. He's now in his seventies, living in shambolic poverty, still in the house my grandparents worked hard to buy, which is falling down around him because he has never maintained it.

I suggest the situation you describe in your brother's case is unusual. The situation I describe with my brother and uncle sadly is not.

And by the way, the lovely mug woman my brother now lives off thinks he lived at home all those years to look after our mum - who was a special needs school governor, driving her own car, doing art and sculpture classes, until six weeks before she died.

I would make absol-bloody-lutely sure that he was doing his own ironing, cooking his own meals and scrubbing his own toilet first.

After 35 it's hard to change your personal habits. If he's not in the habit of looking after his own housekeeping needs, it'll be really hard work to train him.

It's not a job I'd want. I speak from bitter experience.

Yep, of course there will be exceptions, and I'm sure some people who never leave home are lovely etc etc. But IMHO I prefer someone with a little more life experience. Unless they have their own apartment in the west wing of the family stately home or something, then maybe I would reconsider. But any sniff of mummy washing his pants and I'd be running like the wind I'm afraid, however lovely they are or mitigating the circumstances.

I'd want to consider a whole range of questions first:

if it is because he cannot manage alone financially, how will the finances work out for the two of you? will you be expected to take over where his dad leaves off and fund him? or if his dad carries on funding, how will that impact on your independence? will you too be expected to fit into this family as an overgrown child?

if it is about lack of housekeeping skills/laziness, what will your role be? are you expected to be his mother?

if it is sheer lack of initiative, how will that trait impact on your life together? what will happen when he does need to take initiatives as one of the adults of the household?

I appreciate that there are all sorts of reasons why adult children stay home longer these days. But they may not exactly be very reassuring re somebody's ability to run and help provide for a family. Of course there may be all sorts of reasons why a man can't earn a decent living. But it's a worry that won't go away because he has a family.

Skybluesaphire - I'm guessing your DBro is in farming?

OP, my (now) DH was "still living at home" at 42 when I met him, having never had a proper girlfriend.

He is wonderful and was living like that due to circumstances. (He's a farmer, running the family farm) It depends what the surrounding circumstances are before you can judge someone on whether you can judge them.

When I met my DH he was 25, lived at home with his Mum, couldn't drive, had the same job since he left school, never had a steady girl friend (what a catch!)

Now, 36 years later, married 32 years he is one of the most ambitious men I have ever met, gets constantly head hunted, worked for and was awarded a senior professional qualification, and it really wasn't anything to do with me nagging.

In fact no one has been more surprised as me, but it does show you that you should never judge a book by it's cover, not every stay at home, stays at home!

Oops, just read that the OP is talking about a 35 year old not 25 year old, .

Wow lots of interesting perspectives.

I realise that many people get stuck living at home because of finances. I myself had to go back for 6 months when i was 25 due to circumstances.

But I think what worries me is more the lack of financial independence (I am in no way a gold digger by the way).

However, I knew him 12 years ago and it still seems as though he's still trying to pursue the same dream (he's a musician)

His dad has subsidised him for a long time. And I'm not 100% about him having his washing done but I know he gets all his meals made for him.

I'm wary, because although he's a safe bet in some respects as I know him, my own life is so different to his. I'm a single parent and am used to living by myself and doing everything for myself. I think I'd end up having to do everything and pay for everything.

I don't think it would work

Gin30 - is he indian? or from a culture where this is normal practice?

No, British white. Quite upper middle class family.

DH was 28 when I met him and I have been with him for 22 years.
He lived with his mum in a very large house and she was elderly.

DH moved in with me from more or less our first date.
Despite livng at home until what is considered quite late and having a mum who adored him DH does the big shop, kids homework with them, washes the bedding every week while I'm at work, irons the clothes and makes sure the uniforms are ready for school etc etc etc.
He also runs his own sucessful business and treats me like I am the most important person in the world.

So in answer to your question the answer would be yes I would!