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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

So, I have a thing for my next door neighbour

72 replies

ElizabethX · 05/07/2012 14:44

Never posted before, but my sister is an avid reader. Need some advice from some wise women.

Background first, I?m 35 and single. Lost my job 4 years ago, got a big severance package and my mum died 18 months ago (she had Alzheimers and had a fall). I was pretty well her FT carer between losing my real job and her fall. Since that happened I have been the executor of the estate. So I?ve been out of the job market (but busy) for a long time, but between my payoff and inheritance I have never been short of ££ and it looks like I never will be.

I have a nice flat, an income, all my time?s my own. Nice place to be I know, but the thing is I feel I have no life. My friends are all married with kids as is my sister and I have to fit round them. I love my niece and nephew and get on well with my sister, no issues there, but I feel like my life is just drifting. One day I will wake up and be 55, I see no change in prospect.

So the complication, maybe the consequence tho, is I am hopelessly smitten with my next door neighbour. He lives in the next house along and we both have a roof terrace so he said hello one day across the gap between the houses. We pass each other now and then coming in and out. So last week one thing led to another and he asked me in to look at his new kitchen and then said stay for supper. So I did and honestly, I had just the best time, just him and me. He has lovely taste, he cooks, he listens, he is always cheerful, he has introduced me to the other people who live in his building. He walked me home even though it was next door. You know how sometimes if someone stands too close to you you want to step away, and other times it feels so comfortable you don't notice ? well it?s like that.

Oh and he is ok with children. I know this because I was with my sister and niece and nephew one day and we ran into him. He said hello to us all and included them and told us about a puppet theatre going on at the canalside that day that they might enjoy, so we went and they did. So a hit with my sister, who thought he seemed nice. She thinks he is not gay though no sign of a woman. Or of any string of women for that matter.

So wise women of MN, what do I do? I would like to date him and go out with him and hang out with him. I have no idea what he thinks of me but I would be OK with asking him out. All that has happened is I have been in his flat a few times. No snogs, no touching but the body language is there...unless he is like this with all women??? Confused and I haven't been so obvious as to ask about his love life current or otherwise.

But He Lives Next Door!!!!

Madness? What if he knocks me back or it goes nowhere? But is it really any different from dating someone at university where 300 blokes are your neighbours? Am I fixating on someone I shouldn't because my life is so empty?

What do I do?

OP posts:
FaceForRadio · 05/07/2012 14:57

Return the 'supper' invitation. See how it goes.

oldwomaninashoe · 05/07/2012 14:59

Could you find out what sort of music he is into , or somesuch then ask him if he would like to go to a concert/gig with you or the theatre or something like that.
Less intimate than a dinner for two, and it gives him the opportunity , if he's interested to reciprocate.

CheeseandPickledOnion · 05/07/2012 15:03

Ask him for supper! If you don't ask, you don't get.

PeppermintPasty · 05/07/2012 15:11

Go for it. It sounds promising. Do it do it do it (the supper invitation I mean).

And if it goes awry you can always move Grin

joblot · 05/07/2012 15:25

He sounds like he might be gay...

izzyizin · 05/07/2012 15:30

'Gay' was the first word that came into my mind... followed by how well placed you'd be if you were to marry him.

Separate flats with possibly a bridge or some Norman Foster-type structure to link them... no risk of snoring disturbing your slumber, your bathroom/kitchen always as you left them. Marital bliss guaranteed!

O these flights of fancy... Grin

Invite him for supper. Don't get your tits out unless asked. And resist the temptation to install cctv/hover at your windows with binocular to check out what he's up to in his spare time Smile

mirry2 · 05/07/2012 15:38

Yes ask him in for supper. Go carefully in case he's gay but you may be able to get some clues by asking him about his friends and pasttimes. How old is he? I would take it slowly. There's no hurry and a developing romance is very exciting, if that's what it's going to be.

MissFaversam · 05/07/2012 16:04

Yes due to him living next door I'd definitely keep the tits in for now. Patience OP and all will become apparent I feel.

izzyizin · 05/07/2012 16:11

My considered advice re bosoms is based on the true story of a friend who was under the illusion that she could seduce a hunky gay male by literally getting her tits out and pressing his face into them.

A spectacular fail on her part.

Nyx · 05/07/2012 16:15

My Aunt dated the guy next door to her who was also single and nice, turned out he was a divorced fireman. They've since married and moved to Florida together. Ask him over for supper! Good luck Grin

ElizabethX · 06/07/2012 00:21

OK so I can't really ask him over for supper because, er, I haven't got a kitchen at the moment....

What happens if it all goes tits up and I have to keep bumping into him?

OP posts:
ElizabethX · 06/07/2012 00:24

I don't know how old he is. I think about my age judging by musical taste. It is hard to know because you can no longer flick through anyone's CD collection can you?

Gay, really don't think so. I am wondering if he has a woman and I've just never encountered her. But if so would have invited me in??

OP posts:
mirry2 · 06/07/2012 11:09

Can't youinvite him over for a takeaway?

likeatonneofbricks · 06/07/2012 11:37

how long has it been going on (since his first invite)? if only a couple of weeks you can wait a bit for him to make more of a move, if a while then go for it but don't jump in as he's next door. You can't worry too much whether it goes wrong - if you like him enough try it, if not that much then try to meet other men (I know it's not easy).

HugeFurryWishingStool · 06/07/2012 11:48

I think you might be fixating on him because you need something to focus on in your life.

With the best will in the world, you can't retire at 35! I know your finances are comfortable, but you need a focus or you'll go strange (lighthearted comment Smile).

In your position I would do some travelling, see some far flung places, experience some of what the world has to offer. Don't tie yourself to one man just because you're tripping over him on the doorstep!

In all seriousness, I envy you this opportunity, not many people can say they're in your situation. You sound as though you've had a hard time of it looking after your Mum, and I'm sorry for your loss. Now is the time to relax and recuperate, take a break and get a new perspective on life.

Then when you come back, with a wealth of memories, think about what you want to do with the rest of your life. A new career path perhaps? University?

ElizabethX · 06/07/2012 19:32

tonne of bricks

It's been I guess about a year. He has been more friendly lately though. I moaned to him about not having a kitchen (builder started and didn't finish - nightmare) and he said come look at his. So my place is a bit of a tip at the mo in terms of entertaining. Can't really have him around.

huge furry

yes I bought a long time ago and inherited enough to clear the smallish mortgage. like a trustafarian only maybe an inheritarian? I have a reasonable income, no debts and an enviable life of gym going and what not. things is though there are so few people like me that between that and not working i have bugger all social life. Neighbour says I am like someone who has got rich illegally and has nobody to have fun with, which is true.

done university once.

anyway this afternoon I thought what the hell. I took a deep breath, put a card through his door (don't have his phone number) saying thanks for supper, i owe you one, doing anything this weekend. if he's interested he'll get back to me and if not then not.

at this point i'd settle for just sex, because some days i feel so horny... maybe if i have my itch scratched i will calm down a bit...

OP posts:
Beamur · 06/07/2012 19:37

I had a serious long term relationship with my next door but one neighbour - we wouldn't have met otherwise! It was lovely while it lasted (4 yrs) but did make breaking up harder.
Saying that, I'd say get to know him, take it slow and see how it goes.
I'm not sorry I did.

MushroomSoup · 06/07/2012 19:38

Ooh good for you ElizabethX! Keep us informed!

GirlWithALlamaTattoo · 06/07/2012 19:39

Oooh, good luck! I had a thing for my neighbour when I first moved here. I didn't do anything for ages, for all the concerns you describe, but then I had a party and asked him and his housemate "in case there was noise."

All my friends said he was lovely and clearly fancied me. A few days later he asked me out on a date, and now we're getting married in a couple of months!

Beamur · 06/07/2012 19:42

LlamaTattoo (cool name! - have you really got one?)
That's a lovely story. Grin

ElizabethX · 06/07/2012 19:48

blimey, just got off the phone and we are going out to eat somewhere local TONIGHT as in 2 hours time!!!!

he is just seeing where he can get us in....

right i had better not stuff this up. this is not just supper with a neighbour...

he has said he's just got in from work, cant be arsed to cook, so "come as you are and i'll see where i can get us in at short notice"

come as you are my arse, am going to think about this!!!

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 06/07/2012 20:05

so, this would be a classic "boy meets girl" thread

you are both single...go for it, whatever

but why do you keep referring to your "trustafarian" status ?

what relevance does it have ?

for all you know, he could be the Secret Millionaire

stop overthinking this...he isn't after your spondoolies, hopefully he's just after your scintillating personality and hot sex

SquashedSquirrel · 06/07/2012 20:13

Blimey, how exciting. I hope you have a lovely time. Please please update!!

mirry2 · 07/07/2012 18:51

So? What happened?

izzyizin · 07/07/2012 18:56

Was it tits up or tits out? Grin

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