Are there any good guys out there?

[GemsAngels]

Im slowly losing hope!
If you have a happy ever after please share :)
Even more so if you were a single parent that found that happy ever after please please share as Im begining to think maybe Im going to be alone for ever after! Its so much harder for women with children after divorce.

I was on my own with 2 dcs after XH left for ow. I thought it would never end!

Until I met my now DH, he's a diamond and loves my kids like his own. There are good ones and tbh they turn up when you've given up looking!

(and don't go for 'your type' it hasn't worked so far has it? Give another 'type' a go, you might be pleasantly surprised!)

I agree with Stacey - dh was far from my 'usual' type (thankfully!) and he renewed my faith when I more or less ready to give up on men entirely.

Iv been on a rollercoaster of emotions in the last 2 years. Things are finally beginning to look up. Although Im still single.
Glad its worked out for you Staceym :) Where did you meet?
I listen to some of my friends, and read posts on here and think, ok are there any good guys?
Im not sure I have a type, but will think about that one, just someone I click with I guess, just havnt met that someone.
Not sure where 35 year old women go nowadays to meet these nice guys.
Where do nice guys go? :)

It really is true they are out there.

I divorced my 2nd husband after years of his infidelity, EA and DV. I was a shadow of my former self, but knew I had to get out with my son. Luckily I didn't have children with this man (ex no.1-son's father- is a good man, we just married way too young).

I rebuilt my career and there met my wonderful 3rd husband. He is just as successful as ex H but decent, kind, honest, generous and a wonderful step father, proving you don't need to be a bastard to get on in this world.

Good luck moving forward.

You know when you say 'usual type'? lazarusb What do you mean? I mean what was your type? How does that compare to your DH now? If you dont mind me asking, maybe I need to define my type. I guess we all have a type we are attracted to. Were you attracted to your DH straight away?

Mine was an old school friend I got back in touch with. He's lovely, thoughtful, loving, respectful and so involved with DS and treats him like his own son.

Did you see the "normal relationships" thread?

Thanks NicolasGirl :)
decent, kind, honest, generous and a wonderful step father, perfect! Yes this is what I want!

Aw BertieBotts sounds perfect too :)
No I didnt, maybe I need to look at that one. I think its because Iv had bad experiences, witnessed my friends bad experiences (on going) Iv not heard any nice stories, so nice to hear the few so far :)
I will have a look for that thread thanks :)

Lovely to hear there is life out there after a relationship breakdown. I'm on my own after 13 years, and would love to meet someone else. It's nice to know it is possible

GemsAngels
Im in the same boat, divorced with ds. New relationship didnt work out, was awful, although didnt start that way. The exP was opposite to exH but i wasnt ready anyway but i felt sooo different. i really hope there are some decent ones out there. There must be.. the blokes may be thinking the same and we are decent.. i soo want to be happy. Im so sad at the moment :-( not great to attract someone, although I feel i have kinda given up hope

My now DH was the friend of a friend. Just be sociable :)

I used to go for pretty boys or workmen type. DH is 'a manager' more likely to organise the builders than do the building. I wasn't instantly attracted to him (unlike my XH) but we can talk about anything and nothing, he loves me and is great with my children, what more could you want?

Normal relationships thread

Yep lets not give up hope hiding

Oh peppapiglet dont be sad! What are you unhappy about? Is it being single? Or something else?
Honestly Iv had the most emotional rollercoaster for the last 2 years, with the exH and work, college, financially, our home, building my confidence, bad experiences with guys, and so many times I have sat and cryed but kept going and today Im the most confident Iv ever been, financially its ok, we kept our home, and Im going back to college. I never thought Id reach this point and I believe its only getting better.
I feel only now Im at a good place, so ready to meet someone. You are right its only when we are happy with ourselves, and our surroundings that we will give off that vibe.

Iv really got to be more sociable, its just finding someone to be sociable with.
Absolutely nothing Staceym (well maybe a lottery win ;) )

Thanks BertieBotts :)

I shall be watching this with interest. I am a very newly single mum at 24 and although im am not interested atm, there will come a time when i want to meet someone new. I dont know where to meet men, i dont like meeting people on a night out.

I am totally in agreement of going for someone who is not my 'usual type' as my usual type is knob heads.

I always advise single women (who ask - I don't assume all single women are looking for a partner!) to join a running club, tennis club etc.

My theory (I'm sure there are plenty of examples to prove me wrong) is that men with an interest in fitness / sport are less likely to be lazy, shallow gits.

Sports clubs are places where you don't need a partner / friend to go with to, you can join with your kids and get fit yourself.

They can be expensive, or old fashioned and some do have cliques but the best ones can provide a good social life as well as sport / fitness.

Good luck :)

Hi Gems. My 'type' (not in a conscious way) was tall, slim, short dark-haired men who were socially confident, fairly extrovert and popular with women. I went for men who told me what they liked me to wear, watched me like a hawk and policed who I spoke to.

Dh is 5'10, hairy, a bit chubby, long dark hair. He was nervous socially (when we met), introverted and a virgin. He was waiting for someone special. He has never been anything but positive about what I wear, doesn't care if I wear make up or not, is happy that I'm popular and like talking to people and lets me be me.

The day I met him I fell for him instantly, so much so it scared me. I never believed you could feel that intensely about someone straight away. I backed off for a bit, he let me, but also let me know that when the time was right for me he would be there. It didn't take me long tbh and he stayed true to his word, there was never any pressure commitment wise, he waited 5 months before I let him meet ds.

Just be open minded - what turned you on before may not be what turns you on now!

There are loads of good men out there - honestly!

Actually I think there are way more good ones than bad - most people I know are with a 'good' man, albeit one with smelly feet, or a bit of a football habit, or something else equally annoying but completely forgiveable!

I honestly think part of it is the way you look at it - if you go out there with the mindset that 'all men are bastards grr' - you are almost accepting that they are the only type of men you will meet, and are setting yourself up to accept being treated badly.

If you have the attitude that you're a good, positive, happy person, and expect everybody to act the same and treat you as such, you will attract good, positive men to you and the shitty ones will either (a) keep a distance because they'll see you as obviously way above their league, or will (b) stick out immediately as being not what you want and you'll not waste your time on them

May sound like claptrap, but it worked for me

And PS I know a good few women who were single mothers and have met & since settled down with good men. A good man is not going to be put off you by children and divorce - he will have the brains to know these things happen.

Maybe you should see the fact that you are a single mother as a fantastic way to filter out all the time wasters

I always think working in a petrol staion might be a good idea.A constant stream of men go in and out.
I sometimes also thing moving to a different area may help single peoples chances,though that idea is more drastic.Could try socialising in an area further away,but that would be more costly.

There are good ones! I found one, on POF of all places.

After years of relationships with abusive and inadequate wankers, I eventually married, then divorced one. It took me 18 months of being on my own with my DD to figure out what I even wanted. I actually even wrote a list of my perfect man and everything!

During that time I met some total players while Internet dating, but my red flag radar picked up on them early enough to escape unscathed and I learnt to set the bar much much higher.

I gave up in the end and decided I was happy on my own. Deactivated my profile and just enjoyed being single. Then after a few months, quite randomly I decided to give it another go.

Within a week I had received a message from now DH! And I knew he was the one right from the first message. He stood out from the rest by miles. He didn't play games, contacted me when he said he would and was caring and considerate from the word go.

We're now just about to celebrate our 3rd wedding anniversary and have a gorgeous DS! We have a totally equal relationship, he cooks, cleans and respects and listens to me. He is an amazing dad to our DS and my dd. He is also drop dead gorgeous.

Don't give up, and write a list! DH ticked every single box!

What is POF?

Plenty of Fish.

My type was guys who were a bit "too cool for school" and very sure of themselves. They were also generally losers who didnt work or take any responsibility for anything. But they were exciting. An instant attraction etc. Ofcourse they all turned into EA and DV.

My DP works, is driven, wants the same things I want, takes responsibilty etc. He was a grower...I stood him up on our second date. Thought we didnt "click" and basically dumped him. But a few days later something told me to stop looking for what I always had as it had never worked.

Luckily he gave me another chance and we are now engaged and having a baby. He is great with DD and I couldnt ask for more. We have ups n downs but thats when I know its not like the others the most.

Keep your mind open and it will happen :)

My dream type is a lovely rugged Irish fella, anyone got one going spare?