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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

DP's OCD is driving me to breaking point

43 replies

SpottedGurnard · 04/07/2012 19:35

His coping mechanism is to squeak, take loud sharp breaths and squeal like a big. And jumping. Oh god the jmping when I'm sat downstairs it sounds like hes about to come through the ceiling.

I can't live like this anymore. I'm constantly on edge and shouting. I'm not a patient person and I feel like my peace is constantly beig interrupted in my own house.

I can't relax in my own home.

OP posts:
izzyizin · 04/07/2012 19:53

Is he receiving any treatment for his OCD?

If it's any consolation to you, I wouldn't be able to put with what you've described - I'd be a nervous wreck and screaming like a banshee.

I suggest that he takes himself off to live elsewhere for a couple of weeks so that you can wind down and take stock of whether your feelings for him outweigh the effect his behaviour has on you.

My guess is that you'll opt for a peaceful life without him in it.

Original poster
SpottedGurnard · 04/07/2012 20:07

izzy- he says he doesnt like the only counsellor available on the nhs where we live and "cant afford private".

OP posts:
izzyizin · 04/07/2012 20:14

In that case, tough for him - but it doesn't have to be tough for you, honey.

I suspect that he 'doesn't like' the counsellor because he doesn't like the thought of letting go of some of his compulsions.

Let him go before you're the one in a padded cell needing treatment.

Original poster
SpottedGurnard · 04/07/2012 20:18

I think I will need help if it carries on. I'm the kind of person who gets stressed at someone eating crisps loudly on a train.

OP posts:
PooPooInMyToes · 04/07/2012 20:19

What sort of ocd does he have? Or is the squealing and jumping the ocd? Confused.

thunksheadontable · 04/07/2012 20:22

I thought compulsions were usually related to the obsessions e.g. if you have an obsession about cleanliness you may be obsessive about washing hands etc, or if you are obsessed about death you may avoid contamination with germs or endlessly read about risk factors for death etc? It sounds more sensory or Tourette's like? I am no expert on OCD but I have had it through pregnancy and postnatally and I didn't realise you could have tic like behaviours with it.

greeneyed · 04/07/2012 20:30

Sounds awful, i'd struggle to live with it! I have OCD, struggled for three years had CBT, helped but it crept back and still had some symptoms - been on fluoxetine (prozac) 20mg (lowest dose) for about 5 years - no symptoms at all, has transformed my life - there is treatment but it is patchy and i understand his feelings about the counsellor I HATED the first one i went to see, he gave me the creeps and kept asking me about my sex life! Anyway I digress, I kept pushing and got someone else but it took a long time. in the end it is the prozac that has really helped - has he considered medication - I'm assuming he is not already on any? - I did try every alternative remedy under the sun (herbalist, yoga, meditation, reiki etc and many worked short term or helped to alleviate symptoms but it was always a slog to keep it under control - good luck to you both.

izzyizin · 04/07/2012 20:33

How long have you been living together? Has he always been like this? Do you have dc?

Breezeinthetrees · 04/07/2012 20:33

It is difficult. I too am someone who gets irritated if someones eating too loudly. My dp has issues around- locking things, rearranging/ordering things, dvds and cleanliness/handwashing. Tbf these sound minor compared to yours, they are things i can live with and the only ones that get to me is rearranging-namely stuff in cuboards/the fridge and the cleanliness as he often chucks away thigs i was going to use!

No advice but maybe a break would be beneficial and his willingless to do some therapy.

NimpyWindowMash · 04/07/2012 20:38

CBT is the evidence-based treatment for OCD. He may feel like he can't afford private, but it is usually a short term therapy, eg 12 sessions, so at least the cost is limited in that respect. Surely he can't just refuse to try if it is causing you such problems?
What are the triggers for the compulsions? Does it get better or worse under different circumstances? Would he consider trying some meditation or breathing exercises to try and replace his coping mechanisms?

TruthSweet · 04/07/2012 21:29

thunks - OCD and tourettes are 'sister' illnesses. The noises and movements can be a way of ameliorating the thought that is distressing the person with OCD (washing of hands is just the way of ameliorating the thought of contamination in someone who has those kinds of triggers).

CBT therapy can be very helpful, as can medications. CBT can be done in a group setting though this can be worrying for some OCD sufferers as they can be concerned they will 'catch' a new behaviour or obsession from being in close proximity with other OCD sufferers.

There are plenty of self help groups/websites but you have to want to start on that road - OCD can be very comforting and you can feel very adrift when you start working on your obsessions/compulsions. That's no reason not to try though (speaking as one who has got OCD but is mostly under control!)

Original poster
SpottedGurnard · 04/07/2012 23:29

Thank you all for your responses.

To answer a few questions that have been asked:

He has explained it to me like when you're watching a scary film and you're scared, but he feels like this all of the time. He has compulsions and his way of dealing with it is to make noises or jump. Totally irrational but in his mind it helps.

He is not on medication. He tried different types a year ago but they kept making him fall asleep at work- not good when youre a trainee doctor and it got him into trouble.

We have lived together for 18 months. He has always found a reason to make the noises. Saying he'll be less stressed and less likely to make noises after his exams for example. But as I said to him today, he has finished now and things are just the same.

We have no dc to worry about.

OP posts:
Original poster
SpottedGurnard · 04/07/2012 23:33

Nimpy- I don't know what the triggers are. I do know that police, ambulances, the news and scary programmes trigger extra compulsions on top of what is already happening though.

I like knowing the news though and I hate having what I watch on tv controlled.

OP posts:
izzyizin · 05/07/2012 00:25

Is he working in a hospital and does he make these noises everytime a siren sounds or an alarm goes off? Or in lectures/exams?

If so, it sounds as if he's added making noises/jumping/whatever to an ever growing list of compulsions.

If not, it would seem he can control his reactions when he wants to.

ImperialBlether · 05/07/2012 00:27

How does he manage at work? I don't think I'd be able to cope with living with him - awful to say as I'm sure he's very nice, but it would be too disturbing for me.

squeakytoy · 05/07/2012 01:21

I really would say he is not in the right job.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 05/07/2012 06:15

Take the fact that there appears to be some kind of medical reason for this compulsive behaviour out of the equation and what you're looking at is someone with an 'annoying habit'. Plenty of people break up over that. If you've had 18 months of this and decide you can't live with it, that sounds like a good reason to end the relationship. You're not tied.

Original poster
SpottedGurnard · 05/07/2012 13:11

I'm planning my escape. It's complicated as our lives are very intertwined- have been together for 3 years.

I'm sad because, when he is calm, he is a lovely man. I don't think it's fair to say he is in the wrong job. I have been with him when we came across a man seriously ill in the street and he had no trouble with his OCD then.

I know it's selfish, but at 23 I don't want to be stuck caring for someone. We're moving house at the moment and he can't even cope with packing boxes. I don't want to do all the jobs around the house.

OP posts:
CogitoErgoSometimes · 05/07/2012 13:25

It's not selfish. You've given it some time and, if you can't deal with it now, imagine life 10 or 20 years down the track. I tend to think it would be more selfish to stay with someone for the wrong reasons, bring children into the picture, etc., etc.

Tortington · 05/07/2012 13:27

does he do this at work?

Original poster
SpottedGurnard · 05/07/2012 13:38

Custardo- I don't think so. He doesn't do it when we're out. Just at home.

OP posts:
takeitaway · 05/07/2012 13:40

Not being funny, but the jumping - upstairs?? Seems almost designed to annoy you. Why else would he do it upstairs?

Get the man a skipping rope. Or better still, a trampoline. Grin

Original poster
SpottedGurnard · 05/07/2012 13:43

takeitaway- oh believe me there's jumping downstairs too it just doesn't make as much noise.

OP posts:
greeneyed · 05/07/2012 13:47

SpottedGurnard, you are so young, move on :) Good luck with it all.

takeitaway · 05/07/2012 13:54

Sorry, SG, didn't mean to be flip. Been through a few 'tic' phases with one of my DCs - squeaking, mostly, with a bit of head jerking - and was told by our GP to try to completely ignore it. It took a massive amount of effort, but we seem to have come out the other side, which does make me think it was maybe an attention-seeking thing. All the time we were getting irritated by it, and asking (begging!) DD to stop, she seemed incapable of stopping. Once we stopped focusing on it, it seemed to just trail off.

That's why I was Hmm about your DP jumping upstairs. It seems like he needs a reaction from you.

Still think sending him outside with a skipping rope would be a good start though!

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