Classic signs of lying..

[arthurfowlersallotment]

Do you give them much weight?

You know the sweating, mouth covering, looking away etc.

I was talking to a friend recently about her relationship with another friend and am convinced she was lying- she was displaying all of the above- but that's all I have to go on.

I was wondering if any of you think body language is an accurate indicator of bullshit? :o

Only 7% of communication is the actual words you speak - 55% is body language, 38% is tone of voice - so if you suspect someone's lying then you're most likely picking up on signals they don't know they're giving.

So, yes, body language is an extremely accurate indicator of bull shit!

Oh yes - I can tell instantly when stbxh is lying, but I will never spill how. It drives him mad.

If you think she is lying she probably is.

PurplePidjin - how were figures calculated?

No idea, sorry, it's one of those random bits of trivia I've retained for years from a training course it's proper scientific research, though, honest!

Apparently it's easier to spot lying when you're not looking at someone's body language. It's far easier to lie in person than over the phone.

I normally get a gut feeling and go with that

PurplePidjin

I do research on communication and my gut feeling is that it is utter shite :)

It is like that "you only use x% of your brain" bullshit.

But I'm happy to be proved wrong :)

It's regularly quoted in Communication With People With Autism type training, which is where i first encountered it. I have no way to prove you either right or wrong, I'm neither a scientist nor a psychologist nor any kind of researcher can't even be arsed to google it

The blink at the end of a lie, like a full-stop punctuation at the end of a sentence. The down turn of the lips. Looking left for recall and right when being creative with the truth. Hand over mouth. Rubbing the nose.

Works for me when the kids wont say who did it

Thanks. I've one some googling (yes I am that sad), and the bottom line is that there was a study in the 60s that generated these numbers but that they have been massively overinterpreted. The numbers refer to how much you would like someone based on them saying single words that vary interms of whether the meaning of the word is positive/negative as well as what the tone of voice and facial expression are.

Sorry for taking thread off on a tangent.

Rubbing the nose definitely.
Someone mentioned on my thread yesterday about contractions in a sentence. So 'I did not' rather than 'I didn't'.
I shall be following this thread with interest since it appears that my personal lie detector is defective...

I don't know what it is but I always know when people are lying to me. Anyone, not just people I know well. I suppose I am just switched on to non verbal clues. I also know when people fancy each other, am never surprised by people hooking up later or news of affairs coming out. Personally, and I don't mean to make the thread depressing, I think it's because I had quite an abusive childhood, my mum lashed out A LOT so I think I learned it then. Always on the look out for the non obvious.

I display all those signs when I am uncomfortable talking about something. My old boss used to ask me about family life quite often (nothing sinister - he had kids and he was always asking after the wellbeing of one of my DCs who he knows has SN) For me there is a clear divide between work life and home life, and I found it really really hard to talk about my DCs at work and used to blush and look away all the time

Have any of you seen, "Lie to me"? It's a drama series with Tim Roth who plays an investigator with an unbelievable talent/training for detecting lies in any kind of situation. It's a drama but quite fascinating, I learnt a lot from it.

Akaemmafrost, you have an emotional intelligence because of your childhood. You learned to pick up on those cues, to read people. It's an EQ rather than an IQ.

My very smart DP very often comes to me for an alternate opinion on things because I see the world differently, because of my upbringing, and I often pick up on things that he has missed.

Thats interesting Damsel, will google.

I think its a bit of a gift actually, though obviously not ideal to have acquired it as I did.

Its funny you don't even have awareness of putting the clues together, you just know don't you?

I guess it's what some people would call gut feeling.

I think a persons behaviour when they are lying will depend in part on how they feel about lying.

Someone who feels guilty about lying and scared of the consequences of being found out will probably give out different clues compared to another person who feels justified on lying and/or isnt bothered about the consequences of discovery.

In other words, I think it's going to be very 'context dependant'

Wrapping your legs around a chair is also apparently a give away... Oops, I do that out of habit.

This is an interesting discussion. I think that Mercury makes a very good point. I spent a fair amount of time googling articles on lying when my h appeared to be lying about OW.

I was completely unable to say from the research whether he was lying or not, and anyway, alot of the articles said different things.

My gut instinct was that his story, logcally, didnt feel right, even though it was complex and I was unable to prove it (alot of nonsense to do with the internet and received files versus downloads by accident, but I wont bore you with it).

It dragged on for all of five years. And then, when I was on the verge of leaving him and after we had been at Relate for a month, my suspicions were finally proven right, and there was indeed a long history of internet sex.

He was someone who found lying easy- he told me as much himself, by admitting at Relate that he had lied to me for years.

So there you have it- if someone is comfortable with lying and they know you well, then it is practically impossible to catch them out.

But fiventhree, your gut instinct was that it didn't feel right, and that instinct was eventually proven as correct, so somehow you must of picked up on something non verbal.

I say always trust your instincts arthurfowler, you might not be able to prove anything, but at least you'll be aware that all may not be as it seems.

if you know someone well you'll probably have developed a 'feel' for whats really going on with.

Then again what if they've lied to you from the get-go...and you just dont know any different?

No, Jellycat, the reason I doubted him was that i found evidence happened fairly often eg annually , over a five year period.

I couldnt get my head around the fact that although he claimed that these photos were, according to him, accidentally downloaded with music files, that they were curiously always of young women and never someones granny snaps.

So it was logic and judgement of the evidence, over a long time frame. He even renamed his received files to downloads. I finally nailed it over the issue of IT, and not on the basis of how he looked or behaved or what he said.

I did think it was odd, a bit fishy, but I was simply unable to prove it. And in every discussion over the years he was the picture of innocence.

And I am not naive, and have heard a few lies in my time over a long management career.

I reiterate, I now believe that men who are manipulative- and he admits he was, very- make very credible liars. Because they have no conscience about their lies, and also they are very self confident in their ability to manipulate and fool others. And they have had years of practice. And they are very good at knowing the weak points of the person they are lying to.