I have name changed. Not sure why now I think about it. I thought it was because my DP knows my username, but it might be a good thing if he read this.
I'm sorry in advance if this is long winded. I seem to have lost my way, lost all enthusiasm, plus my inner radar which tells me where to go with all this and what to do is wonky.
My DP and I have been together for over ten years, we have 2 children, 2 and 5.
He cheated on me on a Royal scale years ago, poured an absolute ton of shit on my head etc. Some unbelievable stuff. We dealt with it, alone, then back together. We've had counselling over the years, once or twice. Not that impressed with it.
I loved him madly before I found out about the cheating. I then worked at still loving him the same way, and it seemed ok. He worked at it too, did all the things I expected of him, needed him to do etc. Life settled down. I had a baby, things seemed to get even better. Actually, not "seemed", they were better.
Fast forward to the last few years, and we have been involved, joyously, in the child rearing thing. Knackered, no time together really. When we do get together it tends to be through me organising it ie babysitters etc. No great surprise there.
The only issue I have had with him, that is like a hangover from the bad old days, is with him going out, saying he'll be back and then not coming back at the given time. Well, I sat on that early on. It used to go on on a weekly basis pre children. He came to understand (eventually) that our relationship would be over if he didn't sort it out and that for me, it has never been about the actual going out. It's about trust. That bloody word. Without it I don't see how a relationship can function.
I worked really hard to deal with the fallout of his cheating. I do not bring it up now, not interested, we've moved on. However, it's relevant, in my mind, because pre cheating, I never questioned a thing, Mrs Do-as-you-would-be-done-by etc.
So, my trust in him has been dented, but it's still there, soldiering on.
Anyway, putting this in bold as I'm at last getting to the point here, last weekend he did a shitty thing, and I want to know, in your opinion, bearing in mind the background I've summarised, if you think I am overreacting (he thinks so) (he would).
I take our DS to a sports lesson every Saturday morning, quite early. DP therefore looks after our 2 yr old at home of course (not practical to take her, or wise-she'd be utterly miserable that she couldn't join in).
Friday night he decides he's going out. Not a problem. We then have a discussion-brought up by him first-about him being back later friday night because of DS' lesson.
I have no reason to think anything of it and off he goes.
Of course, he stays out all night, no phone call and no-show in the morning.
(BTW, I have no doubts about where he was or who he was with, we live in a tiny village and he basically got pissed and fell asleep somewhere which is often his modus operandi when drinking).
I don't bother calling as his phone will be out of signal, so I take DS and DD and sure enough, my little girl is very upset that she can't join in. This could have been avoided and when he phones I call him a wanker etc.
Since then, I have actually switched off. I wonder if this is the final straw for me. There's lots more(including not much sex for a while, I don't really feel the same since my 2 yo was born), but god I've rambled.
Do you think I should just let it go again ? I feel like I have a DP who, when the crunch comes, will ultimately put himself first and f**k off me and the children, which is what he did on fri night.
I just don't know what to do. All this week I have been dreading going home after work. BTW, he just thinks he should keep his head down and it will all blow over.
I think he might continue to let his children down all their lives and it is this I want to avoid 