Please help me forget about him!

[pleasepleasehelp]

I need some help please!
7 weeks after my husband left I was chatting to a local policeman on facebook. He had no idea of who I was just through my profile as they were pre pregnancy weight. He is stupidly good looking. He has a girlfriend but was flirting and I liked the attention.
My head was all over the place I had 0 confidence and I was overweight but my pics didnt show this.
One evening he came over and I know he must of been disappointed but we spent hours together, even though I knew it was just one thing he wanted I allowed him to come over. I didnt sleep with him.
The next day on fb he was lovely and said he would visit me for coffee, that day never came.
For some stupid reason this cut me up, more than anything. Id known him through chat for 2 weeks and met him once. To me it was the attention of someone so good looking and being a police officer.
For 6 months he kept me sweet on fb pretending he was interested in my life as Id just started college, sepatated etc. I asked him to have coffe just to be friends, he wouldnt.
Then he changed his mobile, then within a year he disappeared of fb.
In this space of time I lost 5 stone, have seen him and he has waved, pulled over one day and just said you look slimmer. He was still keeping me sweet as I know he was so paronoid I would tell his gf.
I have probably seen him 4 times since he came off fb, 10 months ago. The last 2 times he has looked the other way and completely blanked me, I know he knows it was me. Im not ugly, I look after myself, ok when I met him I was 5 stone over weight but Im not now.
Why does he make me feel this way? He ignored me this morning, its like he wants me to be a very distant memory. I havnt done anything wrong and he was attracted to me once. I know he has a girlfriend and I know he doesnt want me but how do I get over him. I dont want to feel like this when I see him.
I have dated guys but I can never ever stop thinking about him.
Please dont think Im nuts, I just need some help here :(

He is an utter arsehole. To you, to his girlfriend. Learn your lesson not to invite other women's boyfriends over for coffee, and move on.

I know i will be slated on him having a gf but she is known to plenty. I know she has cheated more than once, which doesnt excuse it I know.
Why cant I see the arsehole bit? I just feel the rejection.

He was the first present to show an interest in you at a very vulnerable time in your life. He wanted a quick shag behind his girlfriends back. He didn't want to be the knight in shining armour you wanted him to be.

He is an arse. I'm sure you look amazing now. Forget about this loser and find somebody with better morals who isn't just after cheap thrills.

Because rejection hurts, no matter from who. But imagine being in a relationship with a guy like that! Nice to you one day, ignores you the next. Goes for coffee with women he met on facebook. You've had a lucky escape.

Thankyo for your messages.
He was the first person and being a police officer and so good looking.
Your right he had no intention of being that but I knew this but still carried on. I thought it was my weight, but he clearly just want s me out of the picture completely. rejection hurts alot. I tell myself this, he isnt bf material, this is why Im so angry at how I feel, I dont want to feel it anymore. Not only that I heard he had been texting someone else, and when I was out once heard a girl say that he is unfaithful, so I know Im not the first and definitely not the last. See why would I obsess over someone like this. When he ignored me this morning I felt sick, went all hot and panicky, its ridiculous.

i would argue it was nothing to do with your weight. he wanted no strings sex and you didnt give it him. you wanted something more and if he's so stupidly good looking, why does he need to put the effort in with you, when he can just have no strings sex with others?

you are attributing his rejection as a weight issue, but if it was only that, he would have tried again after you lost weight- wouldnt he?

he didnt reject you for your physical appearance, he rejected you cos he didnt want another girlfriend.

i once got chatted up by a stupidly good looking fireman- he was an arse as well.

You feel bad because you have no control over the situation. But you can take control and decide to stop feeling like this. It has to stop.
BTW do not take it personally none of this scenario is actually about you - when he liked you it really wasn't (he just wanted a shag anyone pretty much would do you were just a fantasy to him) and now he is not interested it is not about you either (ie thereis nothing wrong wth you he is not interested for his own reasons.
Forget him he sounds an idiot and I am sure you will find someone nice!

Yeah I guess he would of tried again, didnt think of it like that. I know its stupid but I kept thinking he would when he saw how much better I looked. I asked him to come for coffee so many times and he rejected. I kept thinking no matter how I looked now he has the fat image in his head. Your right he didnt want another gf. Do you think thats what he does just spends one evening with these women? I never knew why he wouldnt come back, not even for coffee.
I know it has to stop, I want it to, honestly, it hurts.
When you say fantasy? I asked him why and he said he liked the chase of not knowing who I was.

This guy isn't interested in having a girlfriend. It's got nothing to do with you personally. Try to stop thinking about him and what his motivations are. Don't even start asking where you went wrong. He's got a girlfriend and is just using his good looking, man in uniform status to flirt with other women. Move on. You sound lovely and I'm sure there are plenty of nice and available guys out there who would love to have coffee with you.

you are analysing and agonising over a guy who is a dick!

he wanted sex that 1st time. you didnt. you wanted a boyfriend. he already as a girlfriend.

he didnt reject you the 2nd time cos he couldnt get the fat you out of his head. he rejected you cos you are still hankering after him as a boyfriend, by suggesting a 'get to know you' coffee.

he doesnt want to get to know you, he just wants to fuck women behind his girlfriends back and that.is.it.

your weight is an issue in your mind only.

he is a 'dirty dick' (a term i use for men who sleep around with ANYBODY)

you are obviously the type to take home to meet the mother- not the kind they just practice on.

he is stupidly good looking and yet you didnt let him use you.

stop viewing it as him rejecting you and see that YOU rejected HIM.

Go you!

Thankyou Lovingfreedom i havnt found one yet but I still have hope!
He definitely uses his good look, uniform status. Sometimes I wonder if I would feel like this if he wasnt a police officer.
I try not to question it, its because my confidence was so low. Do you know what the night he came over was the same day I had travelled 2 half hours home from a make or break with my husband, sadly it was a break and I left 2 days early. I came home sat in my living room in silence and cried, I was about to lose my family. I was numb. Switched on my fb and he was asking why I was home and I told him he kept on asking to come over in the end I logged off and went to bed he then text and in my head I knew that he was gonna see the real me but I trusted him as he was telling me he doesnt judge and sees all walks of life. I gave in. The next few months after this was the worst of my life not only had me and my husband decided to divorce, this guy did this and I said to him it was just coffee as it would be nice to be friends and I wouldnt feel so shit about him coming over to my house whilst I was how I was. He didnt care not really. The only reason he kept me on his fb list was to keep me sweet.

I am starting to believe ok maybe it wasnt how I looked after reading all these comments but Sassy I havnt thought of it like that. I didnt let him use me. I have to confess though just before he came off fb I asked him to come over and was flirty as I d had a drink. I was asking why he wouldnt and he just kept saying he was tired and to behave. A week later he had gone off fb. So really I didnt reject him as he knows I still wanted him. Up until then I hadnt acted like I wanted anything more than friendship, it was like I was testing to see if he would now. He didnt want to.

Honestly PPH try to stop working it all out. It wouldn't have worked out any better if you were thin before and you had a lucky escape in not sleeping with him that night. Well done!

Try to move on and stop placing so much importance on his opinion of you. He might look good in a uniform...lots of guys do...but come on...he's not relationship material. I'm sorry your marriage broke up. Now that is hard to deal with. Try to be nicer to yourself if you can. You deserve better.

I've seen adverts on TV for a dating site for people who wear/like uniforms. Might be worth checking that out? Get some girlfriends over and check it out? Could be a bit of fun??

One thing for certain...you really really really do not need anything from this man. Not coffee, not friendship, nothing. His opinion of you is worth jack-shit. He's a two-timing, arrogant arse and not worth wasting any more time worrying about.

you really need to adjust your smelling bullshit radar and analysing skills.

you did reject his one time only sexual encounter and he didnt come running when you flirted because you are not his 'type' and i dont mean looks or weight.

he wants love um and leave um types and he knows you are not that. would you have just left it at that one time, or would you have been fbing, texting for more?

i think the latter and i would bet my house that so does he. he doesnt want the hassle, of letting you down. so he isnt biting at your flirtiness.

truly, sweet, he is an 'any holes a goal' type of guy.

think yourself lucky you didnt go with him- how would you be feeling if you had and he was treating you like this now? i think it would be 100 times worse.

it was/is a very vulnerable time for you and the last thing you need is a fucking dickhead hurting you more. he probably sniffed your vulnerability, got to your house and when he realised you werent going to give him what he wanted, he probably realised your not as vulnerable as he thought.

he probably shrugged and took the 'cant win them all' attitude and moved onto his next prey.

let him GOOOOOOOOO.

xxx

Thankyou Lovingfreedom. I will try, I am trying so hard, getting better, its been 2 years. I know hes not relationship material. I think its the whole rejection thing.
Yes Iv seen that site too, maybe one day I still have 2 stone to lose.
He doesnt deserve my tears and I know this deep down thats why Im so angry that my body reacts this way. I wish I was strong back then to have deleted him and shown him I didnt care and he wasnt a nice person but I was stupidly nice to him, appologised all of the time and just went out of my way to be nice. Even now why should I wave at him, he was horrible the way he treated me. I hate bad feeling I guess and any contact was contact I guess.
Thankyou so so much. I was meant to go to a friends for coffee but drove straight home as it affected me yet again so badly, sounds sad I know. Feel a little better now. Thankyou again. It would be so much easier if I didnt have to see him.

Don't wave to him. Do go to your friend's for coffee. Take care. xxx

Sassy thankyou too :) I have actually just smiled and thought wow yes I didnt look at it that way either. Omg yes that makes sense. Im not his type as in Im not the sort to be used that way and when we chatted first of all it was flirty but after the initial meet I was saying staright away lets be friends I know you have a gf. He knew I was a decent person. I have been nothing but nice to him and of course he didnt want tnice he wanted naughty.
Thankyou Loving and sassy you have definitely helped me today xx
One more question do you think he knew the very night we met that I wasnt his 'type'?? As he backed off the very next day.

Thanks Loving I wont x

PPH this type of guy tries it on whenever he can. If you showed signs that you'd shag him there and then then he'd have gone for it..but you'd either never have heard from him again or you would have been used a couple of times for sex. He could tell a mile off that you wouldn't just drop your knickers, for want of a better expression, so he strung you along mildly for a bit then cleared off. You really really are better off without this guy being anywhere near you. He's a jerk. 100% sure of that. It really is not you. It's him.

no, he didnt realise you werent his 'type' the next day. he knew that night when he didnt get sex!!!!!

you rejected him.

he just rejected what you wanted the next day- a relationship.

he never rejected you, he would have had you that first night if you had let him.

get back in your car and go and meet your friend and keep an eye out for a decent man.

Yes this is true. Thankyou so much for you help. I know I will never be fooled again, never hurt this much again (hopefully).
I cant wait to despise this guy completely, getting there with the help from you lovely ladies.

Yes this is true. All this time, after so much analyzing and never ever looked at it this way.
Wow! Thankyou, so so much.
Now this is what I have to keep telling myself until one day I pass him and he is my distant memory.
Thankyou x

PPH I think loving and sassy have given you excellent advice.
He's a clown who would/will never deserve someone like you- someone who values herself enough not to sleep with a guy behind his girlfriends back. And deep down he knows that, so he cut you off because you show him up.

He caught you out at one of the most vulnerable times of your life. Lovely, huh? Like a shark smelling blood in the water, he was 'in-like-flynn' thinking he would get a shag.

I know it is very easy to hang on to the idea of a guy like this- as it seems it will help you to bounce back from the rejection of your marriage break-up. But really, it's like putting a band-aid on a haemorrhage.
Sp, every time you find yourself thinking about him, actively think of something positive for you. So that in time, the thought of him will fade and leave only positive stuff that actually helps.

i wouldnt waste my time despising him. he is a shallow, selfish, probably diease ridden knobhead.

i would just think what a knob, and thank god he never got his hands on me.

i wouldnt even ignore him, i would just nod/smile/wave cos i wouldnt give a shit either way.

id be 'breezy'

i wouldnt allow him to know that he bothered me.

but i know thats hard.

just say fucking knobhead in your head, everytime you think/see him. but not in an angry way- just like its his title.

It could be guilt on his part. He was tempted but has a girlfriend. If it's guilt, then it's really nothing to do with you/how you looked/what you wanted etc. He associates you with misbehaving and could feel bad about it. Easier to blame you and ignore you than face up to his part in this.

Just a theory that I thought I'd throw out there. My ex did this. Felt guilty about being a tosser that he just thought he'd ignore me til I got the message.