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Original poster

'I'm not looking for a relationship' how to make you feel stupid!!

34 replies

ginnyjeans · 25/06/2012 23:21

so - met a guy had a one night stand about six weeks ago. Funny guy seems really nice, older (51 - looks 40's though). He didnt ask for my number and thought that was that. I was walking to work Friday before last and he pulled right round the block to say hi. Was out in town same night and met up with him. He took my number, we hooked up again. Had fun night. He said he hadn't asked for my number first time around as he didn't think I was interested. I know awful but kind of wasn't bothered. Hes older, lots of ex baggage, had the snip (I might want another) - not right for me. But we have a good time together. anyway, he text me last week. Today got a taxi and half way through journey realised driver was his brother! Chatted and sounded like said guy had been talking a bit about me. Text because of funniness of situation. Then made cheeky tongue in cheek comment about tidying my place fri so he cld come round. He stopped replying!! So sent text saying 'or not! Just teasing'. Ten mins later got the 'I'm sorry but I'm not ready for a relationship' text!!! How presumptuous! Said neither was I just thought we could have a bit of fun but oh well. Honestly. Feel pathetic. Dating/seeing people after divorce.... Utter nightmare.

OP posts:
Abitwobblynow · 25/06/2012 23:29

He's done your cunt, its not exciting any more, wants to move on to the next. But if he is ever at a loose end...

sorry not flaming you, just paraphrasing cheating H

Original poster
ginnyjeans · 25/06/2012 23:43

I guess true of the lot of them. Was just about sex for him - sure. For me too! Just feel an idiot him saying that to me when he's the one who started things up again and who text me! I wasn't interested in a relationship but maybe gave off a vibe I was? Just frustrated with men and their bladdy ego's!!

OP posts:
Offred · 25/06/2012 23:47

Rationally speaking text does not convey emotion well, perhaps he was just making sure. If you are on the same page that's good and I can't see why a big deal needs to be made about it. What happened after the text?

ImperialBlether · 25/06/2012 23:47

"He's done your cunt"?

What the hell?

Offred · 25/06/2012 23:50

Imperial - that's up there with other crap abitwobblynow advice I've seen this last couple of weeks. "open your legs" and have sex when you don't want to or your husband will leave and "go to relate" to a woman who was raped by her husband. Confused

Original poster
ginnyjeans · 25/06/2012 23:54

I know! big rude reference there! Oh well.

So after that, he said 'hey, we do have fun don't we? X' and I made light saying definitely and that it was also pretty hot. Then said 'see ya around tough guy x'. He then said 'still mates though right?' and again I made a joke replying 'No - I am very offended. :-p of course!'. Then got a 'good! X' back!. And in other news Im going to an exhibit tomorrow of another guy I'm totally confused by!! Aaarrrrgghh!

OP posts:
AlmostAHipster · 25/06/2012 23:55

WTAF? Done your cunt??? How very charming!

OP, don't feel embarrassed. He's a knob of the highest order to be so bloody precious.

Kaluki · 26/06/2012 11:02

What a twat!
He is obviously such a good shag that all women want to marry him immediately after and he feels the need to set them straight.
Those texts are a bit cringey aren't they " See ya tough guy" WTF
Dump him on his arse and move on.

MissFaversam · 26/06/2012 11:14

The blokes a twit and has now shown it. Onwards and upwards OP Grin

You didn't want anything either so no problem. Just a bit of an ego knock here ay.

SaskiaRembrandtWasFramed · 26/06/2012 11:20

'see ya around tough guy x'

Are you dating Jean Claude Van Damme?

CogitoErgoSometimes · 26/06/2012 12:59

50 going on 15. Thinks he's the last of the red hot lovers, can get a shag whenever he fancies, runs a mile from anything as grown-up as a 'relationship', but then needs his ego massaging with a little.... 'we're still friends right?'...to reassure himself that this is OK behaviour.

The answer to 'we're still friends?' with these fickle kidults is...

dondon33 · 26/06/2012 14:41

'we're still friends right?'...to reassure himself that this is OK behaviour

And also to leave the door open for his next booty call visit when he fancies.

Even if you were just up for the sex OP I'd think twice before jumping back into bed with this idiot.

Dropdeadfred · 26/06/2012 14:45

You are not friends though are you? You've just shagged twice
Sorry but your 'tough guy' text made me boak
And the friends bit....eeuugh

Opentooffers · 26/06/2012 15:04

You may think that you were just in it for the sex, but as you are asking advice on here and he has got your hackles up, it may be showing you that you are not the sort of girl who is entirely comfortable with separating sex from emotion. Nothing wrong with that, goes for most of us. If the sex was not making you feel attached at all, you would not care what he behaved like. A little more research about a man required before bedding and honesty with yourself about what it is you really want before you go there. Otherwise you will remain confused every time history repeats itself. I know, been there lol

Tressy · 26/06/2012 15:19

Agree with other 'we are still friends' wtf, you were never friends and he wants to keep the door open for another time. Next thing he will be saying you can be 'friends with benefits'. Don't buy into that crap.

Original poster
ginnyjeans · 26/06/2012 18:17

Erm... My 'tough guy' text was tongue in cheek! Maybe he didn't get that either!! I'm not doing very well am I!?! Believe me he's definitely not Jean Claude Van Damme although that did make me laugh!!

So - yea. I've deleted his number as we aren't friends or anything to each other! If he wants to get in touch with me or if I see him I'll be polite but I'm definitely not having sex with him again.

My friend suggested I'm giving off signals I want a relationship as the last guy I saw (for fourish) months said the same thing. In that
instance I didn't as knew he wasn't right for me. But how a few texts on this occasion could give that signal when he was the first to make
contact I don't know. Egotistical for sure!

OP posts:
Offred · 26/06/2012 18:38

Tbh ginny you may not be giving off signals. You may be the victim of misogyny. It is fairly (irritatingly) common for men to believe that women always want a relationship and never say what they mean... Drives me crazy!!!

ThePathanKhansWitch · 26/06/2012 18:44

Text him back "Ha! Don't flatter yourself, your cocks not as big as your ego".

Original poster
ginnyjeans · 26/06/2012 19:05

Haha. I should! But number is well and truly gone! But thought whatever I said I didnt want to appear upset or annoyed. Men all think we are fragile minded anyways dont they. Think you are right offred! What annoys me is I actually didn't want a relationship with this one! Not sure I want one with any of them! Too much hard work. Or the ones I've been seeing have put me off the rest!!

OP posts:
jbuckley · 26/06/2012 19:22

Actually I saw this from another angle - I'm not so sure he isn't a bit smitten.

My reading of it is he got embarrassed that his brother let on that he'd been talking about you.

If you were just a ONS, would he really bother mentioning you to his brother? I think he's a bit more keen than he's letting on and tried to cover his tracks with the ''not looking for a relationship'' tag.

He may well not be looking for a relationship but he may have ''clicked'' with you, that's all I'm saying.

I don't think there's any need to send him any nasty texts. If he wants to see you, he will be in touch definitely.

Original poster
ginnyjeans · 26/06/2012 20:25

Actually, I thought he was very sweet. Super chatty, considerate. I wouldn't have sent a nasty text. I don't know - his brother seemed to know a lot about me and had seen me walking a few days before which they had also discussed. Anyhoo. Water under the bridge. If he is or isn't interested, I'm really not so it's fine. Onwards and upwards!

OP posts:
tenzeros · 26/06/2012 20:27

I read this thread and thought he actually seemed very keen and got embarrassed by his brother letting you know :). Sort of sweet in a way!

SaskiaRembrandtWasFramed · 27/06/2012 12:00

Rather disappointed he's not JCVD - I would have had some celeb gossip to spread far and wide, well, to tell DH :)

Anyhoo, having read on, I also think he was quite smitten with you - I mean, he wouldn't tell his brother so much about a casual fling, would he?!

Tressy · 27/06/2012 13:07

I think he would tell his brother, men boast about conquests all the time.

OP will find out soon enough whether he is smitten or not as he will be in touch and do anything to make a date with her.

JustFabulous · 27/06/2012 13:19

I would have thought women want a man who isn't afraid to show his feelings..