being kicked for falling asleep, am i in an abusive marriage?

[middleagedblonde]

After a long day out, we finally got home at 12.30, tired and with no doubt too much alcohol inside us, BUT, I went straight to bed, only to be rudely woken up by being kicked in the ribs and then punched in the side. Not so hard that I have a massive bruise but nevertheless- this is not right, surely. He says I dont make time for 'sex', I say we need a quiet night in, not nights out drinking with mates. He never declines an invite. I can only cope with one night in a row, ie Friday or Saturday. He wants to go out all the time and have sex all the time, and shouts at me for 2 hours or more if I surgest that I am tired at 1am, then I wish I had just said ok as I would have gotten to sleep half an hour later without all this ranting and raving. The kick is not on, does he need to go to anger management or is it my fault for being too damn tired?
Do you ever say no? My dh always complains that 2-3 times a week is now where near enough, I think it is plenty. I am 46 with 3 children, but, don't work.

He will never ever EVER respect you and if you stay with him it won't stop until one of you is dead.

Yes op he is being abusive towards you, do your children witness this abusive behaviour? How does he behave when he is sober? Please phone women's aid to get some help.

Sorry this is happening to you, but to put it bluntly, you don't beat the shit out of somebody you love so that you can basically rape them, because that is what this is.

It's text book, he will not stop, it will get worse, you need help asap, do yourself a favour and call women's aid.

Oh dear. Please get advice on your options.

BTW, 2-3 times a week is quite a lot compared to DH and me!

But the sad truth is he doesn't respect you, he won't be kind to you, and he doesn't love you. Not now, not ever. He sees you as an object to be used as he sees fit. That is his choice, and there is nothing you can do to make him think differently (because he is a total arsehole and incapable of thinking and behaving like a decent human being). The good news is that if you can find the courage to get out (and it may take some time, do talk to women's aid, they can support you through the process), there are decent men out there who do respect women, are kind to women and do love their wives, and you may find one of these. Or you may find yourself revelling in your new-found freedom. Either way, you will be immeasurably better off than you are at the moment.

That isn't love, or anything vaguely resembling it, I'm afraid.

I'm so sorry you're going through this but if I can only impress one thing upon you, let it be this - you cannot and will not change an abuser into a kind and respectful husband. Use your energy to get some counselling and make plans to leave.

You have posted on here because you know deep down this is wrong. You have taken that first tiny step to realisation that your H is a foul abusive man.

He does not do this because he loves you

Do you love your children? Do you kick and punch them?

Does he love your children? Does he kick and punch them?

Would you be happy if a DD of yours lived with a man who controlled her so much everytime she went out so that she was terrified to have fun? Who kicked and punched her when she was asleep because he wanted sex?

How will you feel if a DS of yours does this to a woman?

This is what you are teaching your children relationships are supposed to be like. Woman a cowed second class member of the relationship who can be treated abusively.

He is a vile, controlling abusive bully.

I want him to respect me and be kind to me

Sorry, but it won't happen.

And certainly not while you are with him and he can kick you for sex.

I split with ex because he was having similar behaviour and tried to physically intimidate me for sex.
The first time he pushed me by the neck on the floor. He got a warning that it could not happen again. Ever.
The second time, a month after, he slapped me. I told him to leave or I'd call the police. I called the police and he left.

Honestly, I only regret not calling the police the first time.

Please, do not allow him to continue. It will only get worse.

Thank you - I dont write on here much, as I worry that he will see it, he looks at the lap top too and at the history pages. Yes, I am stay at home, and can't ask any friends as I am sure they would think that I am mad/ or completely stupid. I don't think I can leave him tho. I just want him to calm down.

mab, he won't calm down, but will get worse and you could end up dead, bottom line.

People WILL believe you, most of them will know you are being abused anyway. Trust me on that. But I can't stress enough that women's aid should be your first call.

He is not going to calm down. He has no reason to change. You are taking all his punches and abuse and creeping around terrified.

One day he will kick you in the ribs and break them, maybe puncturing your lungs and killing you. Leaving your precious DC with out you.

Please don't think I am exaggerating

Your friends will not think you are mad/stupid. Please believe that. I am absolutely sure that they will want to help - give them a chance to do so.

Please please get some counselling and tell him nothing about it, you sound so brainwashed I'm a little afraid for you.

His behaviour is not normal, but you're accepting it anyway. Why on earth would you want to live like this? There is no worse alternative as far as I can see (speaking from some experience here)

Just joining the chorus
He sounds utterly selfish and unpleasant
Please do all you can to leave for your benefit and your children

Wanting something does not mean you will get it. The man is an abusive horrible horrible inadequate apology for a human being. He is not going to change into a kind, considerate person who trusts you. Leave while you hve some self-respect left,.

Please please phone womens aid. Your children are being abused too, as they will be frightened and pretending not to hear (I know, I used to be one of those children)

I am now a counsellor so please private message me if you need to. Please, please phone women's aid. If not for yourself, for your children :(

Research has proven that anger management is not appropriate for domestic abusers; their narcissism and manipulation makes them impossible to work with. The only option for these men is punishment, unfortunately. Do several things to protect yourself: Stash money away, tell friends and family and the school, tell everyone. Phone social care (they will not take your children, I promise, they will work with you all to stay safe).

Just do it. He will not change.

If your Daughter was being punched, kicked and raped (I'm guessing he pressures you into sex when you don't want it, right?) in her relationship, would you say to her, "just stick with it dear, I'm sure he loves you"?

Or would you say, "GET THE FUCK OUT NOW BEFORE HE KILLS YOU"?

He DOESN'T love you. Men who LOVE their partners NEVER kick or hit them, don't interrogate them on their PC use. This isn't some temporary blip. This is HIM, his REAL personality. Please please reach out for some help, and save yourself and your kids.

I thought I had sent another message, but it went down for a moment there - I just wanted to say thank you for your support and help. Thank you to the person who put the phone number on, I have it now and shall call it tomorrow - I absolutely promise that. It scares me some what, but I will call and discuss and listen to what they tell me. You are right, this can not keep going on like this, as I get older it will only get worse and the children do hear you are right. I thought it was me being uninterested at that time of night, but I should be allowed to say no, and I shouldnt have to worry all the time about who I speak to or have to repeat every conversation \i have. Thank you.

Well done you, that's a massive step to take. please keep us posted. Wishing you strength and lots of support.

Sounds like my fuckwit ex.
The abuse sounds very 'under the radar' in general, however the kick and punch has probably alerted you to start looking at the hideous pattern of controlling behaviour that you have been brainwashed into accepting - e.g. the going out, the monitoring, coercing of sex - I am sure there are many more. It is not what life is about - for you or your children........
I presume he has denied, minimised and manipulated what happened?

Good luck.

Please do call that number and tell them what you said here they can help you. .

Everytime you leave this site, or any others that you don't wan't him to see, delete your history.

If he attempts to assault you again, PLEASE dial 999 and have him removed from your home.

This man will NEVER have any respect for you and the longer you stay with him the more you are running the risk that your dc won't respect you either, and that their future relationships will be modelled on the appalling example of their dps.

Using private browsing is better as it doesn't necessitate deleting history (which can look suspicious)