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Original poster

Am I wrong to not be offended by this...?

33 replies

jenrose29 · 20/06/2012 21:55

We had a baby 3 weeks ago and, having had a very very active sex life before, are both missing sex very much. The other day I pressed the button on DP's phone so I could see the time and saw that he'd been looking at dirty pictures of me, just after he'd taken an extended trip to the bathroom so I'm sure we can guess what he'd been doing...! I thought it was quite complimentary that he was doing it over me rather than random porn stars or whoever, but my friend said she'd be incredibly offended that her partner was 'secretly thinking of her like that when they'd just had a baby.' Am I weird to not be offended?

OP posts:
chipsandmushypeas · 20/06/2012 21:57

I would much prefer that to porn and other women tbh, I would take it as a compliment too

MangoHedgehog · 20/06/2012 21:59

think your mate is weird to be offended by that!

pictish · 20/06/2012 21:59

How do YOU feel about it? That's what matters. If you're flattered...then be flattered. Smile

Gay40 · 20/06/2012 21:59

i wouldn't be offended at all - in fact, I'd quite like it.

CharlieUniformNovemberTango · 20/06/2012 21:59

Well I think it shows he's thinking of you. Maybe he doesn't want to pressure you into anything so soon?

Twingirlsrock · 20/06/2012 22:02

I don't see what there is to be offended by. I wouldn't be at all.

Original poster
jenrose29 · 20/06/2012 22:03

I'm flattered :) I've erm...done what I can for him but we haven't been able to have sex yet as bleeding hasn't stopped. He hasn't pressured me at all and has been great.

OP posts:
izzyizin · 20/06/2012 22:05

You've got a seriously weird mate...

If you're up for it, you don't need to wait until 6 weeks after the birth to get back to it Wink

izzyizin · 20/06/2012 22:08

Cross posted.

If the bleeding hasn't stopped, use a condom.

HollyWillabooby · 20/06/2012 22:10

This reply has been deleted

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squeakytoy · 20/06/2012 23:59

Use a condom anyway... there are 9.5 months between my ex bf and his older sister.... Confused

Lueji · 21/06/2012 00:03

Aren't all thoughts secret anyway? Wink

Why would having a baby prevent from such thoughts????

Teeb · 21/06/2012 00:06

I think your friend is in for a very long and unhappy relationship with that attitude.

Popoozle · 21/06/2012 00:09

I'd be more concerned that he has dirty photos of you on his phone! It's easy to lose a phone you know or, heaven forbid, accidentally text a photo to someone Grin.

The wanking bit wouldn't bother me.

GwendolineMaryLacey · 21/06/2012 00:17

I'd be more concerned that you'd discuss this with your friend. Fine for you to discuss your own business but his personal activities...? I wouldn't talk about anything DH did. That's not for me to gossip about.

bogeyface · 21/06/2012 00:30

I understood that you shouldnt have sex until the bleeding has stopped incase the uterus hasnt fully healed?

I would wait until the bleeding has stopped, and feel very flattered!

I think that is actually quite lovely! How many men would beat one off to random internet porn, or have a go at you for not "meeting is needs"? He preferred to have a "private moment" thinking about getting down and dirty with you, I thinks thats really great. It says alot about your relationship which must be good and loving, and that makes me happy :)

I know that sounds weird but as a past porn widow, the idea that a man would genuinely prefer dirty pics of his wife (go you Wink!) does make me smile!

GML my BF and I discuss stuff like this, safe in the knowledge that it goes no further.

solidgoldbrass · 21/06/2012 01:49

Your mate's the one in the wrong, or at least the one in the wrong relationship. Your H sounds like a good bloke in one very important aspect - totally free of madonna/whore issues.

yellowraincoat · 21/06/2012 02:01

If you are fine with it, it's fine.

I agree with solidgoldbrass. I would HATE for a man to not see me as sexual any more because I'd had a baby. Reminds me of my ex boyfriend who, before we got together, said that he would never be able to have sex with a girlfriend, because he'd respect her too much.

Grim. I was 16 at the time and I thought he was SO romantic for thinking that.

ModreB · 21/06/2012 02:22

Why are you discussing your private sex life with a friend? I would be more offended by that than if your other half was fantasising about you at this stage after giving birth.

izzyizin · 21/06/2012 03:05

The uterus doesn't need to heal after a vaginal birth. If breast feeding it takes 4-6 weeks for the uterus to return to its normal size, otherwise 6-8 weeks for it to shrink back to pre-birth proportions.

Bleeding/spotting can continue for some months after birth.

I have a friend who gave birth to her full term dc2 9 months to the day after the birth of her pfb. Her dc3 arrived 10 years later Grin

RightBuggerforit · 21/06/2012 03:41

Your friend is probably jealous - who wouldn't want their dp to think of them sexually?!

Scarredbutnotbroken · 21/06/2012 03:42

At least you know it's all about you! Real you/pictures of you! I think it's quite lovely really Smile

Thumbwitch · 21/06/2012 05:12

Your mate's the odd one, not you.

modigliani · 21/06/2012 05:40

You can have sex at 3 weeks pp. just make sure you use a condom!

Dprince · 21/06/2012 07:19

Honestly, she would be offended? At what?
You seem happy with it, so its fine. Tbh I wouldn't be offended either.

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