Mumsnet,
Maybe, I am a too serious. Maybe, I taking this the wrong way around.
I`m thinking, I would need new insight in this.
So, I write to you. If you have not noticed yet, I am a guy, I am 22 years old and a bit uncertain about the path that he`s taken. I know that this is a place for woman and that men will easily be shown the door. However, I believe we will hopefully share some convictions.
From a young age, growing up in my culture (the Netherlands), we men are thought, that; Education means money, with money you will have a good life; A good life with involve a house, a car and have a woman and kids. At least, if you want to be one of the "good guys". A good guy will be reserved in his choices to woman, he will keep his distance and respect her, he will not approach her unless otherwise invited (trough signals or what not).
However, me, thinking about life and... what is the purpose; have concluded, that my purpose, if any, should be to have children, a wife and be the as best prepared for this as I can be. I know I wont be the "best dad ever" but I can try the best I can. This comes, mostly, with responsibility, in my humble opinion.
So, I tailor my life to be, responsible. Which is were I am really in doubt if it is still " the right way ". Me thinking; that should I show, any deeper affection for a girl, I should be prepared, in full for what might happen (you know what). As such I am very serious, when it comes to dating.
Yes, I kid around and try to be as charming I think I should be. However I show no illusions about what could come and thus set my standards quite high, I wouldn't want to stand by someone I could not really love. (however, I will, that's the point).
So I am septic, so I avoid girl that I would consider irresponsible.
I know what comes from this, for I am like my dad. He has told me that he was too serious. He found my mother at the age of 40, she was 42.
My mother, who is a great vassal of wisdom in everything that she does, says to me. You should not wait too long, for you will have a woman who already has had... a child. She is the mother of 4, 2 which are from my father, including me.
Now, even though "love conquers all" and I would be prepared to make sacrifices and look the other way, I want my children to be of my blood. The thought of being "2nd chance", makes me feel degraded. So, I should heed my mothers advice and do something about it.
I have no idea what, though. The only thing that this "plan" has never seemed to get is where to find the girl to fit the picture. No, she is not just a "part of the plan", I want a girl who I can admire and who admires me. Whom I can talk with and share. I have no idea where to find her though.
Woman I met, are not like this at all. They drink, they smoke, they have sex with random guys, they dress in 3-4 layers of make-up so you never really know who they are. These are not the girls I am looking for.
Some.. "candidates" do walk by "metaphorically" speaking. However I find that I am doing something seriously wrong to "scare them off".
Its not like I'm saying "I like you, wanna have a happy life together?". But my educate has thought me, once you are interest yourself in a girl. You ... "show interest", you listen, you talk, you write poems, you are a gentleman. And without saying why or.. anything, they will suddenly be gone. And I'm here thinking.
Wait! what?, I'm doing everything right, Right? I am this... gentleman, this chivalrousness knight, who comes bravely on his horse (I can actually ride one) to safe the lady and have the "happy ever after". And she... runs the other way? The book never mentioned that.
So, what is this, am I living in a fairy tale? Is chivalry truly dead? Do I have the wrong idea what "good men" are suppose to be? Am I totally going the wrong way here and should I just "give up" this sense of "responsibility" for sake of not having anyone at all?
Your thoughts?