Terrified about wedding day

[Allthenamesiwantaretaken]

Will keep as brief as possible. Am getting married in a few weeks, problem is I am totally missing the bride gene, hate being the centre of attention, passed the point of normal, more like a phobia. i am terrified of saying or doing something stupid during the ceremony, I have a history of panc attacks and anxiety and am terrified of having one when all eyes are on me (and fiancee of course). Everyone is so excited and its going to be a beautiful wedding, please can lots of people tell me that I will feel fine and calm when I walk in the door. just to add, cant wait for the marriage itself, just terrified of the day :-) havent even bought one magazine! luckily have a groom and mother who love planning. i also come accross as uber confident so noone understands how I feel, I have been prescribed beta blockers, diazepam in the oast and have had extensive hypnotherapy!

I hate it too, so had no first dance, no top table, no cake to cut and no (official) photographer.

It was great

You'll be fine if you just do what you want to do and don't try and please anyone else. Can you prep your bridesmaid to be your spokesperson and deflect any requests you are not happy with?

Oh love, stop worrying!

Focus on the fact that you're marrying the man you love. :)

Really, brides only become the centre of attention if they make themselves it. Everyone else is having a lovely time celebrating the occasion, seeing family and friends etc.

You needn't worry - it'll be great!

You can't say or do anything stupid on your wedding day - everyone's there because they're happy for you...so it doesn't matter what you do, people get the giggles during vows, or cry, they get things wrong, it doesn't matter.

It's your friends and family to celebrate your wedding, not you putting on a performance.

Sympathy from me, I got married abroad, just DH and my parents because I didn't like the idea of the whole wedding thing. We hada blessing and reception after we got back.

Thanks all, I am getting myself very worked up, Happycamel, that would be my ideal, really just me and my fiancee but to my suprise and my parents I have fallen in love with someone from the same cultural background as me which puts it into a whole new stratosphere of celebration for my parents, and I love them and want them to be happy (obviously) so it means the wedding has become bigger and bigger, luckily I managed to negotiate down from 300 odd guest to just over 100, still terrifying though!

You're going to have a beautiful, memorable, wedding day which you will wholeheartedly enjoy... if you take a beta blocker before you set off for the venue. Simples.

Relax, honey, and let your stbh and dm steer you through a blissful day that'll be over all too soon.

Keep your eyes firmly fixed on your nearest and dearest and know that others are only looking at you because it's expected - behind their gaze are worries about what they've chosen to wear, whether they left the gas/iron/tv on or the front door open or, in the case of some, when they'll get their mitts on a drink, etc,

I felt exactly like you - I was horrified at how big our wedding got and was dreading being "centre of attention" BUT it was the best day of my life :) You will love it - deep breaths and enjoy :)

I got the ore wedding nerves big time in the week beforehand, I was shaking, my internal organs were vibrating, I could hardly breathe. The 2 days beforehand I couldn't eat (VERY unlike me) and then looked skeletal.
I wasn't scared of anything in particular, unlike you. I wasn't scared of people looking at me, anything going wrong or actually getting married, there was no reason for it.
On the day itself I was ice cold, my body had gone into self preservation mode, I was in the hairdressers and thought I cannot go on like this! I really didn't want to drug myself but I gave in and had 2mg of diazepam and within 10 mins I was HAPPY and excited!!
The rest of the day was great, I wasn't spaced out or at all nervous, I giggled at vows instead of being a big gurning wreck and was totally in a bliss bubble with my husband.
You'll only have eyes for your husband, don't bother looking at the guests when walking down the aisle-you can see them any old time, this is the only day of your life where it's just for you and your husband! Tell a bridesmaid or someone a ridiculous funny word or phrase to mouth to you if you look at them in a panic, to break your mind's rampant thought train! Something really stupid!
And think of the day after the wedding to put things in perspective. Yeah, people will look at you because you'll be beautiful and loved up! Let em look!

Also, do not breathe in through your mouth, it makes your body go into fight or flight mode! In through the nose!

the day will go in a blur.. you will be so busy you really wont have time to have a panic attack or get nervous, honestly

I hate being centre of attention, and was dreading the day, but it was great and I am sure yours will be fabulous too.

Thank you all, evenbetter you seem to know exacty how I fee was thinking of a 2mg diazepam just in case, me and fiancee have agreed he is going to mouth something to me which he uses to help when I am overtaking cars and get nervous and distracted by what is by the side, behind me and just keep looking forward, I am also having chairs arranged in venue to make it as intimidating free as poss. i am so excited by my marriage and I am still in shock that I am actually getting married to someone I really truly adore, never thought it would happen, didnt think I was capable, just desperately dont want to fuck the day up, a, getting scared I will have a panic attack and therefore wont actually be able to get married. getting it all out really helps though.

I stressed out so much before my wedding (just with the planning but then had a medical issue that was quite worrying) that I think I wore myself out and a couple of days before I became really calm about it.

On the day itself I was absolutely fine. I realised during the day that everyone there loves you and wants the day to go well. No-one is sneering or bitching and they're all genuinely happy for you.

My DH was extremely worried about being the centre of attention (especially with his speech) but really enjoyed the day as you're surrounded by your favourite people and have planned the day in a way you would enjoy it (venue, music, food etc).

You'll be fine!!

Also... Plan your getting ready bit well so you don't have much sitting around panicking. Ask your hairdresser/bridesmaids/mum to keep talking about inane things to take your mind off it.

I'm a photographer and I can assure even the most nervous of brides is fine once the ceremony is over. Most are fine when I arrive pre ceremony as it gives you a job to get on with. The thought is worst than the reality. Enjoy it will be over all too soon. Good luck

I agree that once you get through the actual ceremony you'll be home and dry - that's the most terrifying part, and it's actually a relatively short part. Just try and forget all the eyes on you and keep focussing on why you're there, what you're doing and how much you want to be married - internalise it. It's about you and your fiancee, not the guests, so just keep focussed on the two of you.

Thanks, it is the ceremony itself I am terrified about, havent yet started to worry about the rest :-)

As someone who holds wedding ceremonies here is my advice:

-if you are really desperately nervous (to the point of fainting) then yes it can be a good idea to take a very small amount of diazepam, but if you are going to do this, then please make sure you have taken it previously and know how it will affect you (a spaced out, half asleep bride is not a good look!), and don't do it if you are going to be plied with champagne.

• focus on something beautiful that you are carrying with you - the smell of your flowers is good, or the lacquer on your nails, or the feel of the silk ribbon on your bouquet.
• if people around you are getting emotional (like when your mum/bridesmaids see you in your dress for the first time) be tough with them, and don't take on their emotions
• if you get giggly, or shaky when you arrive in your ceremony, then concentrate on breathing OUT. Imagine that you are gently blowing out a very big candle and blow out gently for a count of 11. You don't have to think about breathing in - your lungs will just re-fill themselves, but if you need to breathe in, do it for a count of 7 (the 11 out and 7 in is the rhythm of a relaxed baby). Practice this breathing rhythm beforehand.
• and the person who is holding your wedding will have done this many more times than you have, so tell them you are nervous and look to them for advice.

I know lots of brides who feel like you do, and who worry about their ceremony and speaking in front of everyone else, yet almost all of them, find that on the day, when it comes to making their vows, all they notice is their dp/dh - it's as if no-one else is there - not even the person who is prompting you with your vows.

And there is nothing that you will do that will make it 'wrong'. None of your guests will remember if you stumble over words, or repeat them - at least half of them will be remembering their own wedding days, and the rest will be imagining what theirs might be like.

You'll be fine love, the day will fly by and everyone will have a ball. Don't worry about the meal & reception, by that time the focus is off you and onto the food and alcohol anyway!
Me & DH pretty much rattled through the service as fast as possible as DS(18months at the time) chose that day to get the runs! Poor love was parked at the front of the church in his buggy looking sorry for himself, we spent most of the service checking he was ok...
Have the chauffeur play you some calm relaxing music or something you enjoy in the car on the way to the ceremony, when you get there try this:
Breath in slowly for 10 seconds, hold it for 5 then breath out for 10 until you feel calm. I use this alot in stressful situations & it tends to work.

The beauty of wedding ceremonies is you have your back to everyone.

I stammer and stumble over my words, I'm ok with my dh but if I get nervous it's quite bad.

I have trouble saying my own name too when it happens, which is so embarrassing. I didnt stammer once over my vows or anything else all day.

Thanks all for taking the time to respond to me. As I say in day to day life I am percieved as very extrovert but that takes a lot of work and I have a very specific phobia about embarrassing myself infront of large groups of people. your comments have really helped x

Also I only have one bridesmaid, my step daughter to be and she is only 13 so dont want to put any pressure on her to prop me up!

Wish I could have a drink to take the edge off but am teetotal :-) !

I was nervous during the ceremony of my wedding, but do you know what, it was really the best day of my life (well, apart from kiddie's births too)! I think the nerves, then the relief afterwards was so nice I really relaxed after that and had such a fun day, I still smile when I think about it 10 years later. I'm sure you will have a wonderful day, if you need to take diazepam/betablocker with you in your bag just as an emergency thing, but remember, it's ok to show emotion at your wedding, it's not like a work presentation where you have to be perfect, you can even cry, say you are nervous, but you will still get through it and my bet is that you will have a wonderful time. Your husband to be sounds really understanding too, so congratulations all round.