Found husband's receipt for Condoms

[Lindalang2011]

Me and dh have been married 13 yrs., with 2 beautiful daughters. Though we've had ups n downs, we got thru it all. I thought we had a great sex life too; (sex about once a week). Well, about 3 weeks ago, I was cleaning off his dresser, and found a recent receipt for Lifestyles condoms. And another item I can't identify on the receipt. (drvn. 3.25 oz.). Well, the condoms WE use are from the drawer, with a 2011 expiration date. In fact, he'll always put 2 condoms near the bed, and it's ALWAYS the 2011 ones. I keep waiting for him to bring out the new ones he bought, but he hasn't. I decided a few days ago to throw out the 2011, so the next time I'll know for sure. I'm not saying anything yet, but of course my mind is racing. He works at the railroad in the tower, overseeing the yard workers, 3 nights a week. Now, there are mainly men working there. About 2 wks. ago, they ordered a new chair to replace his old one. Well, he took a video of someone throwing the old chair over the tower. Very short video. I found it odd that the video didn't show a face, just arms...and the person didn't say a word back to my husband when he laughed on video. So one night, I played the video frame by frame. The arms are small, with delicate hands, and even though it's a little blurry, I can see a glow of pink paint around the fingernails. When I laughed about the video to him, he said Yeah, the guy didn't want to carry the chair back down so just threw it over. He ALWAYS calls his coworkers by name. About 2 mo. ago, we got into an argument because when he took this shift he stopped calling me or texting me from work. Now he sends me a hello every night, but it was not until I said something. His texts are always aloof though. So last Friday, I sent a text telling him I loved him, and hinted around about sex on Monday night. His answer? Ok...goodnight. I said Wow...no I love you?? Nothing about Monday? I was upset. He then says Yeah Yeah, Monday night, goodnight, I love you. I'm kinda busy right now. Fast forward to the very next day.....He tells me a worker laid off, and he has to work Monday night!!!! wtf?! I acted cool and calm. I didn't want to let on like I know anything. One night, I heard a female dispatcher on the CB talking to him at work. And one night about 2 mo. ago, he got a hang up call on his cell from the dispatcher line at 3 am. Only thing is, I thought the dispatchers for the railroad worked the CB radios from out of Nebraska, unless they hired a new local dispatcher. At this point, I don't know what to think. Should I keep waiting to see if he brings out the new condoms? I've looked everywhere for them, and it's not like him to hide them. Another thing, he just recently started using condoms with me...in the past 2 mo. He always hated condoms and we used the withdrawal method for years, except for a handful of times...which is why the condoms we did have are expired from 2011. Any advice? Am I over thinking things, or could there really be something going on...possibly at work? Please advise. :(

maybe he didnt say they now had a woman at work (shock horror) because he knew you would flip and be totally OTT about it, like you seem to be

just a thought eh

i would hate to live with someone who would rather check up on me, and sneak around behind my back calling my work and freeze framing videos trying to catch me out, rather than speak to me like a partner and an adult

would hate it so much i wouldnt stick around for 13 years thats for sure, i would be running, running for the hills and probably taking my children away from such a controlling abusive situation

Please don't sniff his cock. Please.

Arthriticfingers, had a 6m-2yr text this morning saying that very thing, laden with a big dose of self-pity and implied threat. They are very predictable.

Lindalang, the only thing you can do, apart from turn up unexpectedly at work at 4am, is to talk to your DH about the condoms, increased night-shifts and the woman he spends his time with that he has neglected to mention.

MadameO, I take it you are new to these boards and possibly a little green when it comes to real life.

As has been said, even when faced with the evidence, all but a handful of cheaters lie through their teeth rather than admit what they have been up to. So she could question him till the cows come home and get nowhere. You have made the mistake of thinking that she is dealing with a rational, caring human being, but once the decision to cheat has been made, i can tell you that this is far from the truth.

In order to get to the position where they can lie and disrespect the person they once loved enough to marry / have children with, the cheater minimises their partner's importance and dehumanises them. Hell, they even think less of the other person BECAUSE they are getting away with their liasons. So at this point she'd have more luck getting the truth out of an insurance salesman than the idiot she lives with.

Yes, sneaking about isn't great but sometimes it is necessary, rather than being told you are imagining things or that it's just because they have suddenly 'fallen out of love with you' - and tying yourself up in knots because you just know it's not all in your head and you've done nothing wrong.

Yes, do ignore MadameO.

I think MadameO has a point, if expressed a little badly. People do lie about innocent stuff if they fear an overreaction to the truth.

MadameO, I think we have to rely what the OP tells us - as what else have we to go on? - and assume that within her happy 13 yr marriage she has had no cause to distrust her dh and wasn't a snooping, jealous harpy. When you have a niggle that something is not right it is instinctive to then re-examine behaviour to see if any validity to suspicions or a way of cancelling them out, as you hate to think the worst of the person you love and often the means of discovering the truth limited. Yes, she should ask him outright, but as it's often been shown, those who are having affairs, lie about it. And sometimes it's the smallest lies that give them away. Let's hope it's not the case here.

Its not just one lie - its other things that are niggling OP. She does not come across as abusive or controlling at all.

I would also say trust your instincts. I think you may be right OP.

You need to speak to him.

I have had a quick read through and it definitely sounds extremely dodgy. The advice I have been given in the past is if that something in the OHs routine changes ie not leaving their phone lying around when they always have done etc then it is often a sign there is something wrong (not always f course).

You could always ask him to pick up some new condoms for you both as you are concerned about the expiry date? Just see what he says before you confront him, that way at least you will know whether he is lying about that in the first instance.

You could always ask him to pick up some new condoms for you both as you are concerned about the expiry date? Just see what he says before you confront him, that way at least you will know whether he is lying about that in the first instance.
Could be good first move, this

Madabouthotchoc- Well, to answer your questions, when he started working at the railroad, he started staying in the bedroom in front of the tv, when he's home. He still does that. He barely comes out into the living room. That includes spending time as a family. If the girls wanna spend time with him, they have to walk to his room. No family vacations, no dates. I think our last date was my birthday in 2010. Yes, we had many talks about it all, nothing changed. He just told me he works so hard, when he's off he wants to relax. So I adapted to it, because after all, the communication was ok, the sex was great. I've done my part in being a good wife, and keeping my appearance up. But just maybe the distance is an affair at work. I never put it together until recently. Around 2 mo. ago, a woman followed me home. I turned right around and followed her back to her house, and got her tag number. I never mentioned it to him, but the next week, he goes and buys me a new iPhone. And the next week, he bought me a new minivan. It's like he was making something up to me. But since being followed and all this has come out, I'm seriously thinking of getting a private detective, if I can't get any answers.

And also....NO, I'm not a jealous, control freak. I let him have his space, we have hardly ever argued. I adapted to his distance, and we became closer in other areas. But I admit we are more like good friends with benefits, rather than a normal couple. I respected him, still do. Never accused him and wouldn't without proof, which is why I've been trying to analyze all of this first before saying anything to him about it.

Trust your instincts .. sounds like he is up to no good xx

If you don't want to accuse him without proof then I would definitely be inclined to go down the route of asking him to buy some 'in date' condoms for you both and see what he is. You need to be ready for his response mind you, its not always easy if it isn't what you want to hear.

I was thinking the same as Kirsty, trust your instincts. I'm sorry but it sounds to me like he is cheating :(

This is a sad situation. I feel you should try to gather more concrete evidence before tackling it. If you confront him I doubt he will come clean and then it willbe MUCH harder to find out.

Itdoes sound odd and I'm a great beliver of womens intuition. X

I love that you followed your follower! Clearly, I don't love that you're even in this head-fucking situation, but - well, go you!!

Get a PI if you can afford one - will answer your questions

I got some great advice here. I agree with you Madey- About getting more evidence, I worried about saying too much to him, just to watch him hide things better, if anything's going on.

I found out 2 more things tonight. Out of his own mouth, he started talking about last Monday night. The night he ended up working, after I brought up about us getting together that night. He told me that the guy he worked for blamed him, saying he went out and spent money buying a motorcycle. So he told my dh it was all HIS fault, that he ended up spending money, because he worked for him last Monday night. Now this, I don't get. If the guy had asked dh to work in his place, why would he joke around blaming dh for his frivolous purchase? Unless dh actually offered to work for him that night.

I also wanted to make sure this female coworker had the same hours as dh, so I called her line, way before dh got there. She never answered. But she DID answer, about 30 min. after dh got to work.

Good luck and keep us updated please op x

UPDATE: 1st of all, thank u all so much for the support, and advice. I really appreciate it. Well, dh has been off work since Monday, & acting strange. VERY happy, but not very chummy with me. In fact, it's been almost a month now since we had sex, of course, last week I tried to mention sex for Monday as you all know, he ended up working last Monday, then AF arrived. So I thought this week, maybe. Nope, not even a hint, which raises even more suspicions. Last night he was going to bed, & I asked...so, no sex drive this week? He goes, I dunno, and went on to bed. Even tried to gently come on to him, that didn't work. Yet he acts SO happy and nervous, which is unlike him. He still hadn't replaced the 2 expired condoms that I threw out, with the new ones. Maybe that's one reason for no sex...maybe those condoms he got are at work, and he's afraid I may ask him to bring one out. But GET THIS: While he was off, I decided to call the female co-workers line at night, just to see if she only worked the nights he does. My jaw dropped when a man answered, saying she was off. I found out she definitely has the same exact hours and days off as dh. :( Some more disturbing things I found out: I found her Facebook page, and saw where she was taking a week off from work, around June 1st. The date when he purchased the condoms, was May 24th, the day before he went back to work for 3 nights...AND this was also the last 3 nights she worked, before her days off, the following week. Which is also the same time he took the video of her, throwing the work chair over the tower, where he works. Another thing, is the last time we had sex, I wondered why he was so different, he even shaved off the beard he'd worn for so long (he knows I hate beards). He was just being so nice and more loving to me, than usual. Well, that was right about when the female coworker was off work!!!! And guess what...when she came back, he grew the beard back too, and is back being distant again. He has no idea yet, that I know. Not even about me knowing about the condoms. But I did try to tell him how I feel tonight, and how the job has taken so much time away from his family. I reminded him how we waited all day for him to get off work on Christmas, when he was late, and how he never has 1 date with me, not since 2010. I told him how sad it made me feel, how there's 1 week he wants sex, and the next week I don't exist. He seemed to get angry. I didn't accuse him, I just wanted to see how he'd react. He just told me in a hostile way that he's home 3 nights a week, and he's very busy at work. I left the room, sad of course, but didn't say anything else. But everything I'm finding out, is making me want to just go. I get sick now, when he's leaving for work. But what can I do? If he stays on this shift, when this woman works...I just don't know if I can tolerate living with it. He really used to be a good husband and father, until this job 6 years ago. And I wondered why he changed. Now I feel stupid for not seeing the light until now. Anyway, thanks for letting me get this off my chest. The past couple of days have been hard. Thank u all...