How can he just walk away?

[happyhappymummy]

My ex has stopped paying the mortgage. He doesnt pay any insurances either never has since the day he moved out. I cancelled my home insurance over a year ago cos I just couldnt afford it.
I now have a leak in my bathroom, and all the tiles are coming off the wall. I could cry.
How is this fair? How can they just walk away without a care in the world?
I have 3 sets of uniform to buy this year and my bank balance is £0.
I get £12 a week maintenance.
When my ex picks the kids up hes alway wearing new clothes. Driving around in a new car.
I dont want to sound depressing but I feel so lost today. Who do you talk to on days like this? Its raining and I have no money.Plans were a picnic in the park. Typical British weather!
Im sorry for being miserable!

CSA?

I would also check that you are receiving all the benefits you are entitled to.

Thanks but Iv been to csa and Iv checked benefits.

So ate you really not getting any benefits? Or anything other then £12 a week

No practical advice for you other than to say been in your position. ExH left me and stopped paying maintenance about a year after split. I worked in a low paid job - all I could get at the time - and when I look back, I don't know how we got through. I remember having to take a week off on sick leave just because I couldn't afford petrol for my broken down car.

Make your picnic in the living room and a sheet over the chairs for a tent - the kids will love it.

For you, I'm sending you a big hug and much love because I know how shitty this is for you. xx

Yes Charlie Im on benefits at the moment. Long story but I was better off leaving my job, as crazy as that sounds. Yes £12 he has a different job that pays minimum wage. Iv checked it all.
Thankyou datingadviceagain :) Im glad you pulled through it, I can imagine how tough that was for you. Well done to you!
Iv posted this on lone parents also and someone has just advised the very same thing. Its a good idea, why didnt I think of that. Im going to run that by the kids.
Thankyou so much, hugs are very welcome today :)

Sorry don't know what to suggest.

Have you talked to Citizens Advice?

Does the school have a second hand uniform store? Actually - the HT at DD's school said to me that if parents genuinely cannot afford uniform she would rather give it to them for free. Maybe if you talk to the HT at your school they could help?

How old are your DC?

In answer to your question - I don't know how these irresponsible men can just walk away from their families, I really don't. . They sem to get away with it so easily too.

Do your DC have grandparents?

Sorry you are in this at the moment Happymummy. I believe children can still be very happy like this, even in financial straits, and you all have each other. But I know its particularly hard on the parent looking after them...

Just a practical note, some schools might have a grant you can apply for for school uniforms, my son does, you could ask? Or as someone has said speak to CAB to find out if there are any voluntary organisations that can help you with that side of things.

Can you apply to the CSA for a 'variation'? This is something they can do if your Ex's lifestyle is more extravagant than he should be able to afford on the income that he is declaring.

Also, if you have 3 sets of school uniform to buy, does that mean you have 3 DC? IMO, £12 sounds very low, even if he is on min wage, for 3 DC.

My Ex-P earns £16.8k pa, and for two DC has to pay me £55 a week.

I can't think how he pays so little unless he only works PT? Or does he have the DC overnight a lot, and get a reduction like that? My Ex only has one of his DC overnight, once a fortnight, so he gets no reduction.

Or does he have other DC from a previous relationship that he is also paying for? Or DC in a new relationship? Other than that, I can't think why his payments would be so low?

Sounds as though holding onto your house means you've got no cash to live on. What would happen if you sold the mortgaged house and took your share of the proceeds to start fresh in more affordable accommodation? Is there any equity in the property?

Hi 3littlefrogs :)
I have been to CA and Im trying so hard to keep the house although it is up for sale.
Im not sure about the school having a second hand uniform store. Asda is usually pretty reasonable. Its the shoes and coats etc.
I have 3 girls 16, 7, and 4. My eldest is at college but I have to but the uniform which Im hoping for a grant of some sort.
I dont understand either. Im hoping to study in september to get a job to get by. I dont ever want to rely on him, he has proved I cant. He has no clue whats going on in their lives, its so sad.
Yeah they have grandparents on both sides. His side, they have never really bothered. I think they visit them time to time when they are with their dad.
Also they have my mum and dad who are divorced. We dont see a great deal of my dad.
Thankyou for your reply :)

Thanks jane I will do that definitely on monday. Yes they are very happy. I just feel sad for them sometimes.
Couthy... Yes 3 children. My eldest is not his although he has bought her up since a toddler he doesnt have to pay for her. He has them every other weekend 2 nights. He lives with his new gf who has 2 teenage daughters. they take off 20% for this before they even calculate what I should get. He is working for an agency and the hours are rubbish. Iv just contacted the csa to look into it as I heard he had a new job but he wont say. So Im waiting on that.
Cogito.. The house is up for sale. I dont qualify for HB until Im declared homeless. There is no equity in the house, but its our home and Im hoping to study in sept to work to be able to pay it.
Thanks for your messages :)

I have some school uniforms ( worn by my kids) that mine have outgrown. What colour do you need? Happy to post them to you.

Aw Vino thats so kind of you. Im now emotional. Its not so much the uniform but the shoes and coats and bags etc. Thankyou so much for your kind offer Im going to see if I can get a grant but if not I will see if the school can help me :)
Thankyou :)

Why does he support his GF's dds and not your dd? Surely the same rules should apply in both cases? (I am talking about the 20% deduction you mentioned)

sorry my reply was short and seemed narky. I thought you has said you'd checked benefits and weren't entitled.

I know how you feel with the CSA. £7 a week here.

You should definitely ask about the uniform grant. We got one because DD was free school meals.

The housing situation is rubbish. But check again about the HB. They don't only pay for homeless people or those in social or rented housing. They can sometimes help with mortgages.

Are you waiting to be housed by your local authority? If so, I'm in the same boat and sympathise greatly. That system is a joke isn't it?

I know it seems a nightmare but you'll get there in the end. I would work through your budgets very tightly and see if there is anything to tweak a bit.

As he lives with someone that has 2 children they take this into account. They take off 15% for 1 child and 20% for 2. Then they caculate 20% of the income left. The worst thing about it is she lives in a big house. Got a good divorce settlement and has csa herself. I know this cos its my eldest daughters friend he is with. Crazy I know!
Iv text him to tell him about the leak and he said no I cant afford it. I said can you pay half of the plumbers bill as its your kids home and he wont reply.
How can they do this? Its their home. This hurts so much :(

Have you considered contacting your local churches to see if they run a food bank? A lot of the big modern (happy clappy) ones do and this could free up your money for other things. I know you probably wouldn't want to do it but they're run for local families who are going through hard times - which is you at the moment.

Hope things improve for you.

Thats ok Charlie :)
Im def gonna check to see if I can get a grant. This will be so helpful.
Iv been to the council and cos Im considered housed I cant go on any list or move out and claim HB. Until declared homeless. So if the house sells or repossessed. The motgage company are saying my interest term has come to an end and they want capital or they will take legal action. I do get my interest paid for me which is good. I just have to find capital. I have until July they say.
I have no extra's. A mobile and the internet. Im contracted with my sky until feb next year but Im on the lowest package.
Honestly we dont do anything. I cant wait to work one day and be able to get by.

Re your daughter at college (and your possible studies). I work in FE and money is very limited. However, your daughter should get the full EMA (20.00 per week) and have her uniform/kit/travel paid for. You do need to apply as soon as possible. As soon as your daughte has an offer (conditional or unconditional) ring the college and ask for student services and ask them for a Student Support Pack. Send it back asap as the grant money for uniform, travel,etc is on a first come first served basis.

Depending on your current level of qualifications, you could also qualify for an adult learner grant which would pay your tuition fees.

Iv not heard that Prima. I know there are people alot worse off than me. I am ok for food thanks though. Im so glad there are good people out there.
Thankyou :)

Busy thankyou. I will do this first thing monday.
My eldest has just got a job in mcdonalds Im so proud of her. Bless her I have been a bit rubbish lately and she has seen me very upset. I know she will do well.
Thankyou all so much :)
Sometimes things get too much and you just dont know where to turn. I appreciate the support on here thanks again x

I am sorry I dont have any advice but I just wanted to send a message of support . I am lucky with my divorce settlement and it still feels hard sometimes

I know its not much consolation now and doesnt stick tiles back on walls but your DC will know and appreciate everything you do for them and you at least can hold your head high

I agree how can they walk away so easily and switch off their responsibilty , I do believe at some point however far away there is payback though

Enjoy your carpet picnic !

It sucks about the council. I'm waiting to be made homeless before they will house me.

But they may pay your private rent when the house sells. If you are lucky enough to find a landlord accepting housing benefit and have no ince I don't see why they wouldn't.

But it's a huge expense to move out to private with the deposit and the fees so I know it's a big step.