Infrequent sex and doing it again

[ShyWife]

DH and I haven't had sex for a while. I can't remember how long it has been - weeks though rather than months - or when we last had a snog. We have been knackered, stressed and have kids that aren't asleep much before we want to be. I actually turned dh down the last two nights as I was just too tired and one of the nights he wasn't much more awake so was fine. Thing is, when we do it it is always great but I just get so bloody shy about doing it and even starting to kiss feels daft. It is really annoying me that I feel like this so would appreciate some suggestions to get rid of this annoying habit.

Does anyone else get the shyness thing?

Yes totally!

It feels ridiculous when you're bl00dy married!

Erm just wanted to know you're not alone, I haven't really found a cure. I think your terminology is interesting though - "habit" - you are probably right that it is "just" a habit, that we could try to fake our way out of.

My neice is going through this right now. She used to be so confident but lack of sex has got her this way.

Can you manage a weekend away alone? Get some literature/ books to help? Dimmer lighting?

Have you told dh how you feel? If you can't say it text or write it down perhaps?

Dim lighting is a good idea. I always find that turning the light off can take the pressure off. Doesn't have to be like that forever but might help you beat the habit.

This book may help? Sexually Shy: The Inhibited Woman's Guide To Good Sex

He knows I feel shy and tries to take control if I need that and just go with it. He doesn't force me or anything, more that he ignores my giggles and is encouraging. A bit like having to get past being tickled when you want a foot rub!

In the dark might be fun...

I would be a lot more adventurous if I was sure it would be receptive .

Thank you for the link CuriousMama. I will have a look at it now.

Have you tried being blindfolded? Might take the pressure off a bit? I love it!

You're welcome.

I have sent a link to the book to DH and said I wouldn't be upset if I was to find it by my bed.

Mmm, tried kissing blind folded and that was nice but also I remember lost of giggling. I have issues , it has just dawned on me.

totally agree, I also feel a bit shy and unsure, and the sparks don't exactly fly right off the bat when we start holding/ kissing each other, IYKWIM...
We've tried to 'rekindle' the light, by going cycling at night, thgether, alone, or simply talking a lot... (me) and listening (him!!)
It may feel odd initially, and it will take time, but making time for each other as a couple i crucial.

Well think you need a gag too then

Hope dh buys it for you?

A gag?

Meant I hope dh buys the book not a gag!

Some men might find giggling very lovely. Don't give yourself such a hard time. It's only sex. Do what you need to feel comfortable. Maybe a bit of fantasy might help.

I know what you mean by forcing the time and feeling daft but he's your husband just say you feel daft.

How old are your kids?

Oh I know. Just the thought of a gag.

Any ideas about how to make children go to sleep earlier...

I even suggested we set the alarm for a 3am shag just to get time without kids who were awake in the house.

My kids are between 7 and 11.

Massages are good to take off the pressure. Doesn't have to lead to anything but gets you used to spending intimate time together.

Is there anyone who can have them overnight? A friend or family member?

or take a days holiday and while they're at school .......

I did say to dh is he gave me a back rub he would be more likely to get a shag but we were just too tired .

I need a shag soon though

No one to have the kids but dh has talked about booking a day off work "to do me."

In my head I am not shy, with dh I am totally .