Infrequent sex and doing it again

[ShyWife]

DH and I haven't had sex for a while. I can't remember how long it has been - weeks though rather than months - or when we last had a snog. We have been knackered, stressed and have kids that aren't asleep much before we want to be. I actually turned dh down the last two nights as I was just too tired and one of the nights he wasn't much more awake so was fine. Thing is, when we do it it is always great but I just get so bloody shy about doing it and even starting to kiss feels daft. It is really annoying me that I feel like this so would appreciate some suggestions to get rid of this annoying habit.

Does anyone else get the shyness thing?

Haha wonder if he'll put that on the holiday form

He's the boss so doesn't have too.

Might scare him with the thought of it though .

I used to be very "not shy" IYKWIM and then as I've got older I've found my sexual confidence ebb away. I just feel a bit... silly.... Is that how you feel OP? I know exactly what you mean about being randy in your mind and then coy in practice.

Somethings that I have found help, a bit/sometimes, are: in the dark, the time of the month matters - sometimes more confident than others, sometimes I just have to put on some sexy (pretty lacy not hooker chic) undies and let him enjoy that as it means I have to make less of an effort! And sometimes it just is rather awkward and I end up talking loads, cracking jokes and being a plonker. Once he told me to shut up (nicely I promise) because I was talking about something totally unsexy like the elections!

Ultimately, and so far... we have only been together 6 years, we muddle along happily and sometimes it's amazing and sometimes it's really awkward. I hope that it helps to know that you're not unusual in feeling shy sometimes?

Oh yes, dh has told me to shut up as well before now .

We have been together a long time but he is just getting more sexy as time goes on. Me however is 2 stone overweight and have never been pretty.

I have dressed up but always feel silly though he likes it.

I think that you have your answer you know - I think you've said that he doesn't mind you giggling and rabbiting on and now you've said he likes you dressed up. It won't help at first but over time try to recognise how he sees you rather than how you see yourself. We had the most explosive boff the other morning just after waking and when I went to have shower, get dressed etc, I saw myself in the mirror and I was so spotty and gross. But then I thought well he obviously didn't think so after that! - don't be so critical of yourself.

See yourself through a man's eyes and you are (I'm generalising here but hopefully you'll see my point) feminine, curvy and smooth, cuddly and loving, totally different to him and therefore mysterious, with a twinkle in your eye and I bet a shy alluring smile playing on your lips.

Woah I sound like I 'm trying to seduce you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Does any of that b0llocks make sense?

OP I get you completely.

I have been totally off sex since we had our second baby - that baby is now 14 months old and DH and I had sex for the first time last night!
I got the most ridiculous fits of the giggles, and felt so self-conscious in a way that I never have before and certainly not with him.

It was well worth getting past the giggles

We've nee together over 20 years and I still get this. Ridiculous innit?

nee? been

I too am like this

I know that when dp and I have an extended break and lose our flow a bit this happens to me too. The only thing that works for me usually is to keep doing it until it feels natural again which rarely takes more than a few days of daily sex!

What time shall we meet, MsMoppet?

I can't believe there are so many shy wives about.

When we do do it I often say to dh we should do it more but our tiredness + kids who don't sleep + dh's low libido = not much shagging is had.

you've made my day!

We are exactly the same with the "we should do this more often". And we don't even have kids yet. I'm so scared it'll get worse I almost don't want to risk it!

But maybe having lots of sex before is worse as you know what you are missing?

That is very true. Hmm must stop fretting about things that are years off and may never happen!

I think you need to bite the bullet and just get on with it.

The more you do it, the easier and more fun it gets.

Honestly. :o

Am going to let you into a secret. Getting on with it is a good idea. When shyness threatens, we set a time limit "Right, let's do it before Question Time starts". It sounds unromantic, but it works! Dimbleby has no idea what an aphrodisiac he is

Do it often. It helps.

Also, does he spend time on foreplay or us it wham bang thank you mam? IME I am far less inhibited if I'm actually properly turned on.

We do this. When the awkwardness comes in we just have to do it. No worrying about foreplay, just do it. Then next time it is much less awkward.

Thank you for this thread, it's making me feel a bit more normal :)