Stressed husband....help

[Damejollybolly]

Ive been happily married for 15 yrs. We have a very comfortable life for which I am grateful every day and never take for granted .My dh has a v stressful job, works long hours but gets v well paid for it.
I have watched him go up his career ladder and with every new responsibility (which he loves) I can see him get more and more stressed.
This shows itself in insomnia. He hardly sleeps and hasn't for the last two years. Last night was typical; he worked on his laptop coming to bed just after midnight, couldnt sleep, got up at 1 am and read until 3am then got up at 5am to get an early train to London. He looks permanently shattered. On weekends he does relax, pottering in the garden, spending time with the children and playing sport, but because our families live far away we are often away visiting or have visitors. Admittedly we love socialising and have a pretty full calendar.
I really worry about him. He doesn't smoke or drink excessively and isn't overweight but can you live like that long term? I need my sleep, just could not manage. We hardly ever have sex because he is tired,or working or I'm asleep when he eventually comes to bed. His best friend had a breakdown ten years ago and my dh discussed things with him but he doesn't want to take medication.
I feel helpless and just need advice. I don't know how to help him. I dont nag or complain when he works late because he doesnt need the extra stress and i have everything at homecovered too.I feel as if I'm watching my best friend work himself into an early grave. It's awful.

And re the insomnia issue - Rescue remedy in massive doses and valerina night time have really helped my DH!

I think some posters don't understand the stress of the environment of a law firm. I was in a very similar environment before I had DS1, and decided to quit when he was 2, the expectations were horrendous and I wasn't a partner just a senior manager. It is a heap worse at partner level.

Anyway, I understand where you're coming from. I'm not in that environment now and work for myself earning a relative pittance. DH is super stressed at work (totally different environment) and has been for the last year, in theory it will calm down after the summer but he's currently working about 60-70hrs pw including a day each weekend for no extra pay. He has been looking at different options but he's very specialised in what he does and there are no jobs locally which are suitable, even dropping £20k. He earns very good money but would be happy to drop some pay to downgrade, his work won't let him though. Unfortunately there is no way we can afford him to just give up his work or drop more than £20k which I feel horribly guilty about. I have been looking at jobs for me but there isn't really anything out there.

He is totally unhappy, snappy with the kids and grumpy in general. It really doesn't make for a happy household. What got me most was that last week he said he doesn't even enjoy the kids at the moment, which is massive as he's always been a brilliant hands on dad.

My DH has always been really fit but hasn't had much time for exercise recently so I've encouraged him to make time for that as it really does make a difference to his state of mind. I've said to give that a few weeks and if he isn't feeling at least a bit better in a few weeks time to go to the GP.

Sorry I've rambled and haven't got lots of good advice but wanted to let you know I understand, it's a bloody difficult situation. If you find any answers, let me know!

Take care

I agree that the stress of a law firm, esp magic circle type can be hideous. I worked for a large global offshore firm and in certain sectors, as mentioned, you were expected to work a 20 hour day on a regular basis and turn up at 9am for work as usual. You have international clients and are expected to be on call at all times. Plus you never got paid extra, just that all elusive 'bonus'.

Its not a 'forever' job by any means, but if you are a partner you should be able to regulate this to some extent.

God I am so glad I'm not in law anymore. My children would never see me!

I have read all your recent comments and am really grateful and heartened to hear that some have got through this.

Funnily enough he does shoot!
I have tried calms but he forgets to take them
I bought Bach flower and ended up taking it myself
The suggestion about walking together is an excellent one which I will try.
I will try to set an evening when he comes home in good time.

The whole being at the beck and call of client thing is terrible but just part of the job.

My husband is always stressed and always blames whichever jobs he is in. He's has a very high level job but isn't that well paid. I work full time and I also run the home and bring up our child . I am running out of sympathy as he works every day .. Even on holiday ( we have to force him to come on holiday in fact ). His lap top always comes with us ! His boss just expects this as normal . He never switched his phone off etc ! If I complain he loosely threatens to give it all up and leave his job which obvious he cannot afford to do ! My patience is running out !