So I am "the benefits queen" apparently!

[ColouringIn]

According to STBXH sister

STBXH posts a "poor me" status update on Facebook about "accused of being a crap father"

Friends and family respond to needy STBXH in predictable fashion including the "benefits queen" comment above - at age 46 I am claiming benefits for the first time ever while I support our DS who is autistic. It's temporary and in fact I return to work next week.

And STBXH clicked "Like" to all including that one before agreeing to delete the whole thing after my Dad saw it and asked him to. I did not see it as I have blocked ex and his family. Now been sent a "screen grab" and it's not nice.
He is very needy, he told my Dad he is upset as he still loves me. Oh yeah! Surely if he loved me he would have defended me and not "liked" all those messages. The whole thing is now apparently gone.

He is here on Sunday as he has work on Monday and I have always allowed him to stay here on those occasions. I am so angry about this though.

He'd be sleeping in the shed if it was me!

Fucking bastards all of them. sorry nothing constructive to say.

I'd say he's lost all staying over privileges after that charming behaviour, don't you think?

Thing is I did not ever say he was "a crap father" I emailed him to moan as yet again he did not pay maintainance on time and I was broke.

put itching powder in his bedding.

...and just said that when he stays he needs to interact with DS far more - he sits at his laptop and does nothing much. I told him that as I had no money and he was doing nothing constructive with DS that he should stay elsewhere and then come to take DS out on a proper 1-1 basis. Hence the "poor me".

Fwiw I would NEVER post anything like that on FB.

Benefits queen?

That's a nasty, racist American stereotype.

What is wrong with them?

There is nothing wrong with claiming benefits you are entitled to.

It's better for all of us that you are able to care for your son in the way he needs.

They are just making themselves look like dicks carrying on like that in public.

It's a shame someone bothered taking a screen grab.

I'd be fucked if I'd let him stay after that!

What has he been saying to his sister about you for her to make that comment?

He wouldn't get past my front door, it would be pick ups/drop offs and email contact with me only.

It doesn't sound as if they're worth your time or energy if they've got nothing better to do than bitch on Facebook like a bunch of 13 year olds. Sounds like an excellent reminder of why he's STBX.

I don't know why you're picking on him for being late with his maintenance when you're clearly rolling in it, what will being on benefits and all. How completely unreasonable of you to expect HIM to contribute when you're clearing ROBBING THE TAX PAYER BLIND.

Has it never occurred to his gob-on-a-stick sister that that's her nephew you're supporting while her brother lets you down because he's too busy having his little teenage Facebook pity parties?

Do I respond now?

The status and comments are all deleted but a mutual friend thought I should see them.

I am on the point of sending him an email telling him I have seen it and that I am angry. He is supposed to be staying here on Sunday night which I agreed to yesterday so that DS can have time with him on Father's Day.

My email advises him to tell his sister to go and "do one" basically (how very "Jeremy Kyle"). And to stay elsehwere on Sunday - I know he will argue that it is because he was upset at the time (which is true) and I know I am a weak minded fool who will cave in. Hence wanting to get my piece in first.....

Just say something like 'I heard about what you and your family posted about me me on Facebook. If that's how you feel then I think it would be a good idea if you didn't stay over here from now on. We can make other arrangements for you to see DS on fosters day that don't involve you coming here.'

And leave it at that. Twat for shooting his mouth off so publicly.

Fathers day, not fosters day, obvs.

Sent a very calm one just saying I had seen it and knew where I now stood. End of lol

It might also be worth sending an email to your mutual friend asking him/her not to send you such stuff. Not much point in blocking poisonous people if your friends copy you in on the poison anyway.

Very true snorbs, she did worry about it but felt I should know - especially as I was unable to defend myself there.

I will probably ask not to bother in future though - it just makes things worse.

If she's your friend she'll delete and block him herself. As should your dad.

I'd explain that he can't stay over anymore because he doesn't want to ponce off a benefits queen, does he?

He doesn't need to cross your threshold when he collects ds on Sunday and, after they've had quality time together in McDs, the cinema, park or whatever, he can return ds to your front door and then bugger off home using his thumb on the milk train.

If you let him stay over you'll spend half the night warring pointing out the error of his ways and that won't get your new working week off to a good start, let alone the effect it'll have on your ds.

It sounds like you are still entwined with ex and ex's family and thats partly why all this is happening. But since your break-up sounds recent, I guess part of that is inevitable, unless you had very strong boundaries from the beginning, which most of us do not.

But as your boundaries get stronger and clearer, and there is inevitably more distance in your relationship, be reassured you will not have to deal with this kind of stuff anymore.

For the record, though, I think it was a vile thing to say, or agree with, especially given your circumstances.

And this could be an opportunity to start laying down some boundaries...

Why don't you cut the crap and actually speak to him rather than email/fb etc?That's what adults do.

What is STBX?

I don't FB DELHI (apart from an account to maintain contact with other parents of autistic children in the UK) but other people I know do use FB an awful lot. One of those is an autism parent who saw this.
The last place for stuff like this is FB hence my irritation.

Believe it or not I talk very regularly with him but don't trust myself right now as I am liable to say some very hurtful stuff.

Oh and I DON'T appreciate the "grown ups" comment so shove that up your Fanjo love.

Just calmed down enough to phone him - he lives 200miles away at the moment. He was very apologetic - said he wrote it in a moment of frustration and then went to work for the day so did not see responses until later.
We are going out to talk a bit more face to face on Sunday to sort things out a bit more clearly. We decided a while ago to have some marriage counselling - even if it is through a break up so that we sort stuff out as amicably as possible for DS who loves his Daddy so much. Our first appointment is next week and we've been waiting weeks for it.