Dating very good looking man - your experiences?

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Now, I know this is going to sound like stealth boasting (which on some level it probably is but this is a genuine question, honest!)

OK so a few months ago I started dating this new man. I've posted about him before, his past isn't exactly rosy (twice divorced) but we are really happy, I'm loved up and I'm absolutely sure he is too. he treats me ridiculously well. In fact, after the nightmare of breaking up with my ex-H it's quite a contrast.

BUT - and this may sound silly - he's what you'd call 'very good looking'. I have to say that I have no experience of going out with someone like this at all. My exes have all been kind of average looking IYSWIM. Don't get me wrong, he's not George Clooney, but he's the kind of bloke that women look at - he's tall, tanned, dark hair, great body etc.

And therein lies the problem. when we're out together, it's not too bad in the sense that he's with me, and generally speaking it's fine (although there was the time when we were out at a bar, I came back from the loo and was stopped by a woman who asked if I was really 'with' him, or whether she could go and talk to him). But in his line of work, he is constantly meeting new people, and clients. and he is constantly getting offers! He's had notes passed to him, invites out for drinks etc., his trainees always seem to fall for him etc.

Now don't get me wrong. He is not the type who reciprocates (and indeed he has never been out with someone he met through work or in that way). He has only told me about this in the most casual of ways in the sense that we were talking about sexism at work and he told me a bit about the amount of attention he gets. and also he's never made me feel like he might cheat (especially as we are still at that lovely shagging at every available opportunity stage ) but if I'm honest it does my head in.

is this what life is going to be like? I'm not usually an insecure person but this makes me feel really odd. Long term, we're not going to be shagging like rabbits. Does a man who gets lots of offers feel more tempted to cheat? (I guess footballers do). Can anyone share their experiences of going out with a really good looking bloke and what they do to contain their feelings about other women approaching their bloke?

Sorry if this sounds like a stealth boast, as I say. I'm just worried about developing these jealous feelings, which i've never had in my life...

Only you can answer the question as to whether your self esteem is strong enough to be happy in this relationship.

BUT just because someone is good looking doesnt mean they will cheat on you. I have a male colleague who quite honestly looks like a god, every woman I know comments on how good looking he is. And he is happily married and I think he would never cheat. In fact he actively runs away from the women who seem to pursue him at times!

Agree with elastamum it's all about your own self-esteem. Do you feel he's more attractive than you though - I think I'd find that quite hard to be comfortable with. He sounds lovely so far though and really into you, so just carry on being yourself!

My nan always maintains that in attractive men are the ones to watch out for, as they're more grateful of female attention and more likely to stray.
Personally, I think it's all bollocks, a cheater's a cheater, no matter whether he's Johnny Depp or Johnny Vegas
On the same subject though, Ido sometimes worry people are wondering why on earth DH is with someone as plain as me

Unattractive* bloody iPhone!

His looks help him in his job, it's well-documented that good-looking people do better in their careers, especially if his job involves meeting clients etc.

I wouldn't think he's more likely to cheat, cheaters are often not that good-looking IMO, and are seeking to reassure their egos that they are attractive. I can't quite believe how many men who are really not very good looking, and have much nicer wives, still cheat on them. It's quite incredible.

My husband is/was quite handsome and I've dated very handsome guys in the past (even though I'm not very beautiful). I wouldn't worry about it if he's into you. My husband gets offers and works away from home, so all the 'conditions' are there for cheating, but I trust he doesn't. And I'm not into policing him anyway.

A cynic writes: what are the chances of finding out the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth about why his previous relationships ended?

With benefit of doubt hat on: ugly men cheat just as often, they only have to work harder at it. Indeed some may be more inclined to cheat because they are in greater need of an ego boost.

And a third point of view: maybe it will go pear-shaped later on, but for now you're having a great time so why end it just in case it doesn't last? There are all sorts of reasons why it might have to end at some time in the future, but if you never take a chance on someone you can look forward to a rather lonely existence.

Finally,

Oh, that's deeply reassuring, thank you. I do think he is more attractive than me (not hugely though of course ) but I do take the point that someone is either a cheater or not. He didn't cheat on his exes.

Maybe I'll just look back and enjoy. Feelings of jealousy are definitely linked to my own self esteem so maybe I'll just work on that and keep being myself, as suggested! Thanks ladies xxx

and AnnieGetYourGun I love you for that tune!

My husband is very very good looking and has a very fit body. He gets lots of attention and admiring looks (and gets women asking him out even when he has is wedding ring on!)but actually he is quite shy and has always found it quite intimidating. When we first got together 10 years ago i was nervous and a little insecure, but then i realised he was with me and that he wanted to be, and why not? I'm a pretty good catch myself (smart, independent, not too bad looking etc)
I just take pride in the fact i have him and you should do the same.

My ex-h was very good looking (he used to model to earn extra cash) and I have literally been shoved out of way by women, blanked and sneered at.

I used to find it interesting to watch to be honest and I shudder to think what it must be like to be with rich/good looking/famous man with women far more determined.

The bottom line with your new man is do you trust him? Does he make you happy? Will that continue?

There is a song that goes, 'If you want to be happy for the rest of your life, never make a pretty woman your wife'.

Ultimately good looks are just packaging............my ex-h was just a good looking package with a rotten core.

My DP is extremely good looking. We entered a Hunger Games contest for fun, and he won a big prize for 'best look-alike' (to Gale AKA Liam Hemsworth...Gotta love us Aussies!

He gets a LOT of looks and women 'casually' rearranging their top/skirt when we go out but I doubt anyone would actually hit on him when he's with me. If they did he and I both would tell them to go straight to hell!

I however got hit on in front of DP. Didn't end well.

Annie

That video has just made my morning

There are also some guys who just age really well, so they may not have been the hottest when they were 20, but by forty, they have the mums at the gate taking a second glance. I don't think many of them play on this though. It certainly wouldn't put me off someone if they were goodlooking, the very thought!

I was dating a very good looking man, we now live together and expecting our first baby in 3 weeks

For me, it just helps a bit when he's walking about in an arse, I still look at him thinking 'wow he's hot'!

To be honest and saying this with much love if you know what I mean.

This isnt his problem, its the way he looks, blame god or insert daity here lol
it is only a problem if he uses it to his advantage to get through life and shag around. But he chose you..but your insecurities are sort of blaming him for how you feel. But your issues have been hard won and are understandable, other womens behaviour is not his problem either, it is if he reacts to it.

Take it for what it is, he treats you like a queen and it might last it might not, make hay while the sun shines might be a better way to look at it. and he might even be the one you never know, but stop looking for behaviour that might not be there, shag him senseless and give him one from me lol
and just take it slowly.

My DH is very good looking, and I once had a bitch comment that she couldn't believe he was with me which really battered my self esteem.
But I think of of the things that attracted him to me was that I didn't fancy him BECAUSE he was good looking, I really liked who he was.
I have a friend who is model like beautiful and whenever we go out together she gets so much attention but I feel a bit sorry for her because so many men chase her but it is hard to tell which ones are genuine.
Sorry no advice really just be proud he chose you and enjoy!

Interesting. I'm in the same boat. The guy I'm dating is very good looking too. He treats me well, we are having fun, have a great connection. He has always been reluctant to commit to one person as he has never had any trouble finding good looking women to spend time with. I'm not exactly beautiful myself, far from it, but he admits that physically he is having the time of his life.

I've never had trouble attracting goodlooking men in the past so..... am quite confident in myself.

I would 'make hay while the sunshines' and see what happens. He sounds dreamy, well done, and don't worry nothing is guaranteed whether you fall for somone attactive or ugly.

I don't think that someone is 'either a cheater or he isn't' because experience has told me that anyone can be unfaithful if certain circumstances conspire and there is an opportunity.

And in a world that values physical beauty, it stands to reason that those who have it will get more opportunities than the average joe.

Two things might help though. If he's someone who's used to attention from other women, his immunity to it must be quite high so he's unlikely to be knocked sidewards by some unexpected attention from the first woman who makes a pitch.

But the single best deterrent is if as a couple you talk about how you will both respond when the honeymoon period is over and the obsession phase has ended, acknowledging that you are just as vulnerable to attention as him - maybe more in fact? If you've both got jointly discussed and agreed boundaries about what you will do about third parties, then you'll be on much firmer ground.

if its at all reassuring, i've found that the better looking men that i have gone out with have treated me better than the not-so-good looking ones. Oddly, its the not great looking ones who have been arses.

Oh is very fit, body wise and is very good looking and God damn him is getting better as he ages? How come grey hair on him looks sexy and on me looks like I missed my hair appointment???

Anyway the only thing that would make me go is the bit where you said 'he told me a bit about the amount of attention he gets' and it would all depend on his tone if it was matter of fact etc, this is what happens i don't invite it, Brill he is self aware, if it was boastful, he a prat , though it sounds from the rest of your post that hes just aware.

Hope that makes sense.

I've had the 'are YOU with HIM' comments too.

I'm quite overweight and a mardy cow to boot, OH God bless him thinks I'm fab, and beautiful and has done for 17 years.

I assume you're ok with the 2 divorces thing ie you know the story/s and it's all ok?

my ex was very good-looking and tbf it was tiresome how women constantly threw themselves at him - yes, with me there. All ages . particularly women of a certain age . One was an artist and repeatedly asked to draw him like it wasn't bloody obvious what she was up to .

When you're in love with somebody, over a period of time you don't see the megawatt good looks any more. Sometimes I'd catch a glimpse of him and think 'wow, he gorgeous!' but the majority of the time he was just my husband.

Men are more likely to cheat if an opportunity presents itself than women in my view. I think a man can be totally happy in a relationship and still cheat. I know plenty who have. Don't think as many women would do this.

Studies have shown that very good-looking men are more likely to be unfaithful to their partners, simply because they get more opportunities to be.

I once went out with a stunner. He was also much younger than me. We would walk down the street and I would notice women everywhere from about the ages of 16 to 60 doing that double look thing. He however was completely oblivious. It was comical really, he was a bit of a geek and just didn't seem to grasp how gorgeous he was.

At first (and I do know how shallow this sounds) I rather enjoyed all the envious comments and looks from other women, but after a while it became a bit tiresome. Women can be lecherous and rude as well - a colleague once said to me that she, "Wouldn't mind giving him one." I remember thinking that I would be extremely fed up if his colleagues were talking about me like that.

Same as fuck, I married a traditionally very good looking guy. Women swoon over him, I know ladies at work do as well.

He is oblivious, quite funny really, he is also a total geek. Very it mad. Would rather be at home on the sofa, watching a film with me and the kids and a takeaway than out work socialising. Very family orientated. His mug died young, he's a very family unit man because of that. Family first as you never know etc.

He thought he was punching above his weight with me....

Alternatively I have been out with some right mingers, who think they are gods gift and put it about everywhere