Dating very good looking man - your experiences?

[LeNameChange]

Now, I know this is going to sound like stealth boasting (which on some level it probably is but this is a genuine question, honest!)

OK so a few months ago I started dating this new man. I've posted about him before, his past isn't exactly rosy (twice divorced) but we are really happy, I'm loved up and I'm absolutely sure he is too. he treats me ridiculously well. In fact, after the nightmare of breaking up with my ex-H it's quite a contrast.

BUT - and this may sound silly - he's what you'd call 'very good looking'. I have to say that I have no experience of going out with someone like this at all. My exes have all been kind of average looking IYSWIM. Don't get me wrong, he's not George Clooney, but he's the kind of bloke that women look at - he's tall, tanned, dark hair, great body etc.

And therein lies the problem. when we're out together, it's not too bad in the sense that he's with me, and generally speaking it's fine (although there was the time when we were out at a bar, I came back from the loo and was stopped by a woman who asked if I was really 'with' him, or whether she could go and talk to him). But in his line of work, he is constantly meeting new people, and clients. and he is constantly getting offers! He's had notes passed to him, invites out for drinks etc., his trainees always seem to fall for him etc.

Now don't get me wrong. He is not the type who reciprocates (and indeed he has never been out with someone he met through work or in that way). He has only told me about this in the most casual of ways in the sense that we were talking about sexism at work and he told me a bit about the amount of attention he gets. and also he's never made me feel like he might cheat (especially as we are still at that lovely shagging at every available opportunity stage ) but if I'm honest it does my head in.

is this what life is going to be like? I'm not usually an insecure person but this makes me feel really odd. Long term, we're not going to be shagging like rabbits. Does a man who gets lots of offers feel more tempted to cheat? (I guess footballers do). Can anyone share their experiences of going out with a really good looking bloke and what they do to contain their feelings about other women approaching their bloke?

Sorry if this sounds like a stealth boast, as I say. I'm just worried about developing these jealous feelings, which i've never had in my life...

His mum* curses iPad

My DH is very good looking. He really is...he's an actor and tbh I often get quite embarrased when introducing him to other Mums....say at school things or parties.

They always seem to be talking about us when we're going and always comment on his looks. He does get unwanted attention now and then....women chasing him at work and things but I trust him and he is very devoted. It's a pita tbh as in ten years I will probably look like a crushed tea towel and he wll be a distinguished and handsome older man.

was going to post the link to the song, but Annie beat me to it!

My SIL was married to an incredibly good-looking younger man who was pretty oblivious to the attention; heads swivelled when he walked into a room and SIL said strangers did a double-take when they worked out that the woman standing next to him was his wife as if it did not compute. SIL is not pretty but she is vivacious, makes everyone feel important and welcome, exudes confidence and really is the life and soul of a party - it's that about her that so attractive. Their marriage did founder but for other reasons than his handsomeness.

TheHouse - but you will be his crushed tea towel. That's what really matters.

It can be a bit stressful going out with someone who is exceptionally good looking, though how stressful it is depends on the person. If s/he is nice, fun, good company, sorted in him/herself then things will probably be OK. If s/he is vain and/or insecure (very good looking people are often both simulataneously, especially if they are used to their appearance being the most important thing about them eg they are models) then it will get tiresome more quickly.

FWIW I have had a couple of very nice-looking boyfriends in the past. In both cases, they were fairly unaware of their own appeal because they had been utter mingers in their teens and therefore had to develop personalities; people who have been good to look at all their lives are more likely to be smug or arrogant or messed up by their own looks.

I'm also married to a good-looking man - obviously I think he's gorgeous but he's always had the double takes, comments, propositions, notes left on his chair, a few bordering on stalkers. (Have you seen the episode of 30 Rock, The Bubble? )

I scrub up OK and I have a lovely personality but I'm fairly sure people think I'm punching above my weight. We are enormously compatible though and I never have any doubts about my place in this relationship, I know exactly why he's with me and I don't care if others don't see it.

I don't worry about him cheating (all sorts of people cheat!), but I'd be lying if I said that other people's interest in him didn't even register. If I am totally honest, I like it when he gets looks in bars/restaurants and he's with me. What bugs me is when someone's talking about him or pursuing him and 'helpful' friends tell me what they've said. It niggles me, not sure why - a mixture of the assumption that they'd ever have any chance anyway, and they way that I am not mentioned, as if I don't matter. The stirrer passing it on pisses me off too but any reaction at all will be immediately dubbed as a jealous one. I don't think it IS jealousy. I think it's a perfectly human reaction to someone being a bit disrespectful of you. You say you feel 'odd' and have never been jealous before so I wonder if the feelings you describe are a bit like mine. As for how I deal with it - I talk about it with him, as I do when anything else bothers me at all. In the context of the rest of our lovely life together it soon doesn't matter at all.

Other women quizzing me about our sex life also got boring pretty fast. Fuel your own fantasies ffs.

He sounds like a lovely guy and you are having a great time together. I hope it continues .

Mr P is scarily gorgeous to the point of girls openly flirting with him when he's out with me, waitresses hovering round our table when we eat out (completely blanking me btw ) and him getting offered phone numbers if he's out alone. I won't lie, it does my head in. Luckily he refuses all advances! He's got a real rock star look about him, proper stunning, outgoing, funny, charming, bags of confidence yet really humble. He works away a lot and I trust him. There have been times when I've thought what the hell does a guy like that see in me? But I guess that's a little bit of my own insecurity creeping in (plus I'm 40 and he's only 29) but 4 years on he's still calling me a goddess so I must be doing something right!

now look here Mrs P2B: one stealth boast is quite enough

not jealous, no lies

i have a male friend who was a flatmate for a while who is gorgeous. We spent a lot of time together especially when we were both between girl/boyfriends. He got heaps of attention from women when we were out. However, he was always completely faithful to his girlfriend at the time and is now a completely doting husband to his lovely wife. In terms of looks, you might say she is punching above her weight, but she is a lovely lovely person and definitely calls the shots in that relationship!

Have i come to this too late?

Who initiated the conversation about 'sexism at work'?

Why would he tell you that he'd had loads of 'offers'?

You've only been seeing him for a short while.

Take care.

He sounds very nice in many ways OP but the two divorces is a bit of a hint that it probably won't last. One divorce is unlucky, but two suggests a pattern. Just enjoy it while it does!

Oh it was all going so well until I saw the last 2 posts

I initiated the 'sexism at work' comment and I in fact asked him whether he got attention at work. He was blatantly uncomfortable talking about it and I moved on pretty swiftly.

I am comfortable with the 2 divorces thing (well, except for telling anyone of course!) and it is all going really well. I'm going to do what most of you say and just CHILL and enjoy. thanks to everyone, and to all the ladies married to stunning men - enjoy as well.... xx

It's OK to enjoy a relationship for what it is - you're not (I hope) thinking of moving in or marrying him or getting PG by him just yet. If there comes a point when the bad things outweigh the good you can just bin him and move on, but the fact that someone isn't necessarily a good bet for a long term commitment doesn't mean you can't have some fun with that person for a while.

OP* how owuld you feel if the boot was on the other foot- ie if it was you or another woman who was good looking?

Would you feel that you were less trustworthy because you turned men's heads?

Also- beauty is in the eye of the beholder! I doubt if there is a general consensus on what makes a great looking guy or woman. And it's about more than looks for instance I think G Clooney has a pleasant face, but when I've heard him talking I think he's boring.

Re. the 2 divorces- don't worry. I knew a man who had been maried 3 times.

These days serial commitment is sometimes the way it goes- would you feel the same concern had he lived with 2 women for say 15 years apiece- and is it the fact that he is divorced that worries people?

My experiences with very good looking men aren't so positive.

Dated (and lived with) a guy for a couple of years who was extremely good looking - tall, blonde, athletic - attracted attention from females left, right and centre. He had initally chased me to be his gf; I was put off because I was initimidated by his looks but he was persistent and came across as really sweet. So I started seeing him, and for about a year we had a really lovely time albeit he was inundated with attention from other women all the time, which made me quietly insecure and started to knock my self-confidence. Then he started to get bored, and started to lap up the attention he received. It became clear to me he had always thought lots of himself but had put on a front to attract me, and then slowly let his guard down over time. He dumped me in the end and went off with someone else. I came out of that relationship really down, insecure and with severley battered self-esteem.

Second experience. Following that relationship (two years later), I went out with someone else even better looking :) But this guy was the complete opposite to my ex. Had no idea just how gorgeous he was. Was totally modest, clever, well-mannered, thoughtful. However, after three years together he told me that although I was his best friend in every way he had fallen out of love with me. He then started dating a model :(

My DP now is average looking and I love him to bits. I feel much more secure with him - and I feel I can completely be myself. I don't think I had a thick enough skin to be with the demi-gods :)

I don't necessarily think there's a correlation between cheating and looks but I agree with the posters who've mentioned the increased opportunities. Also, the constant attention increases their egos and can sometimes lead to arrogance.

I echo the other posters who said roll with the punches. He may be the best thing that ever happened to you. If he isn't, you can worry about that later :)