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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

other man

41 replies

mamaitaly · 14/06/2012 21:23

So. Here goes. I have a lovely family and husband. There is another man. But we have never done anything except have an amazing connection. He talks and thinks about me as much as I do about him, I know that. However nothing will happen as he has a family and so do I . I feel so bloody sad about it though. want to stop feeling sad. Any wise words please.

OP posts:
doggiemumma · 14/06/2012 21:26

How do you know he thinks about you as much as you do him?

How comes there is the connection?

Sorry, but need more info to really say anything really

Abitwobblynow · 14/06/2012 21:29

Look. Of course you are going to be attracted to other people: you wouldn't have a heart or blood in your veins if you didn't.

But the CHOICE to ACT on it? Begins and ends with you. Just know that this is a slippery slope. You want a bit more of the attention, and interest, the attraction, the feelgood feelings. You go a bit deeper and deeper, thinking that it won't matter - and then you find you have crossed a line.

Don't do this. Stop talking to him, stop feeding the feelgood. It's bullshit anyway. He farts and ignores his wife the same way you are.

Original poster
mamaitaly · 14/06/2012 21:37

Ha! It is bullshit, you're quite right. Thing is I bloody know this and then I turn to stupid teenager again.

OP posts:
NimpyWindowMash · 14/06/2012 21:43

If he cares for you at all, he will leave you alone and not mess up your life...?

cupcake78 · 14/06/2012 21:54

Welcome to life! He knows your married yet he's prepared to play the game?! He sounds really nice (not).

Don't believe the rubbish he says to you about his unfulfilling relationship, how he's never been so understood, how you make him feel normal again, how he has so much fun when he's with you etc etc etc

Walk away, no good ever comes of this and it's never worth it! Accept your human and fancy him and work on your relationship to get that spark back

Original poster
mamaitaly · 14/06/2012 22:07

Funny really. The thing that really attracted me was that I thought he was/is such a nice bloke, good heart etc always gets me. I am the first to admit I am a bit naive. Married young and been with husband a long time. Lost a lot of weight recently and getting attention I havent had before. Could be being a bit bloody dim....

OP posts:
Jezabelle · 14/06/2012 22:13

Is he a family friend or just a guy from work, (ie, is it possible to stop seeing him or is he an integral part of your and DH's life?) Anyone else gone through something similar and come out the other side without A) having an affair B) losing the friendship?? Is it possible to go back to a more "healthy" friendship after feeling like this?

Sorry OP, not much help am I?! Just supplying more questions for other, wiser posters.

Original poster
mamaitaly · 14/06/2012 22:32

Lots of connections really but nothing I can't do something about. o bugger, think I might have made a right twit of myself. No fool like an old fool eh?

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 14/06/2012 22:35

You are being a bit bloody dim

PissyDust · 14/06/2012 22:36

Do you work togeather?

bananacrepe · 14/06/2012 22:36

OP look up any of the posts I've made on this board in the last three months... Stop it now as that way lies only heartache!

Original poster
mamaitaly · 14/06/2012 22:44

No don't work together but lots of connections. Thank you AF. Your post made me laugh. It's true- I shouldn't be let out. I will stop it, think I'll feel a lot happier if I do. Honestly though, really thought he was lovely bloke!

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 14/06/2012 22:46

he isn't a lovely bloke

he will help you wreck your marriage and not give it another thought

SundaysGirl · 14/06/2012 22:49

Did he start giving you the attentioj before or after you lost weight?

SundaysGirl · 14/06/2012 22:49

ooops *attention.

LemarchandsBox · 14/06/2012 22:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LemarchandsBox · 14/06/2012 23:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
mamaitaly · 14/06/2012 23:04

Attention came before I lost weight but I found myself losing weight as a result. Not used to such attention. He also made it clear to dh. Not good

OP posts:
Original poster
mamaitaly · 14/06/2012 23:05

No. Not good. And you are right. There will always be another susceptible woman. Lots of wise word I need to hear!

OP posts:
Abitwobblynow · 14/06/2012 23:06

M Italy:

  1. well done on losing that weight and looking gorgeous. You ARE gorgeous!
  1. Tell your husband. That's right, tell your husband. How you are tempted, what he said, how you like it.

You know why? Because affairs are about SECRETS, If you are open, there aren't any.

And your husband's jealousy - might let you know how precious you really are! Do the right thing, Italy!

PeterAndreForPM · 14/06/2012 23:06

what did he "make clear" to your H ?

LemarchandsBox · 14/06/2012 23:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
mamaitaly · 15/06/2012 07:32

Sorry, my youngest ds has tonsillitis. Thought he was settled but not. Thank you for all your messages. Attention got the better of me, too easily clearly. Time to wake up and smell the coffee!!

OP posts:
truthisoutthere · 15/06/2012 09:24

There is a load of information on why we are attracted to people and what consequences are. What you are feeling now is attraction but not attachment. Are you happy at home? If you are try try try to imagine your husband crying over the devastation of you sleeping with the other guy. Imagine, practically what it would be like to separate, to split child care and pay bills. Also being judged by lots of people with catsbum mouths.

That might help with the aroma of coffee? Smile

Rowanhart · 15/06/2012 09:37

Go kiss your kids and think "what I am doing could really mess up their lives..."

This relationship could really hurt the people you love most. Walk away now and stop contact.

Or if you are truly unhappy with hubby and this is a response to that start making plans to separate with as much kindness and love as possible. Without the destruction infidelity brings....