‘I didn’t want this I fucked up’

[KirstyWirsty]

I emailed and offered STBXH some extra time with DD7 this Sunday a couple of weeks ago as it is Fathers? Day and he hadn?t responded so I texted him yesterday to ask if he wanted to see her or not?

He replied of course he wanted to see her on Sunday and that he only has ?limited time? with her (he has her 3 nights a week) and that he ?wish(ed) things were better?

I replied that this was ?what he had wanted? (He had an affair ?they were madly in love .. it was going to be butterflies and happily ever after from now on)

His response to that was ?I didn?t want this I fucked up?

I haven?t replied as yet as I am not sure what he expected things to be like? Surely he must have known that he wouldn?t be best friends with me and getting to see DD every day?

We?re just coming up to 6 months since I found proof of the denied affair - Is this the next chapter of the script?

:o

Agree with everyone else - this is the next phase of the script. Perhaps he is finding out it wasn't true love and butterflies after all, and he is suddenyl afraid of being alone.

Either that, or he was hoping he could walk away from you and everything would be easy-peasy and he would never need to feel crap, or be inconvenienced, or have to miss his daughter now that his time with her must be shared.

Well, meh. Sometimes you get what you wish for. Don't engage. He wants you to - he wants to suck you into an attention seeking 'woe is me' therapy session that is all about him. DO NOT TAKE THE BAIT.

Of course he didn't want this. He expected not to be caught.

But yes, avoid commenting on that, just be matter of fact. You were nice enough to suggest more time on Father's day.

Good Afternoon Ma'am

I will not take the bait .. I am wise to everything he could throw at me .. and I know with 100% certainty that I would never have him back so I couldn't be less interested in anything he has to say that doesn't concern DD

Lueji the extra time on Suunday was for DD's benefit - not his really - Fathers' Day is an important day to her - she has very stong ideas about family ..which is a credit to her and to us as her parents

Yes, of course, but you could easily have waited for him to ask, or stick to what was pre-established.

I've got to see him at the school open evening tonight so wish me luck!!

Don't forget to compliment him on his hair shirt, will you? Whilst playing the world's smallest violin.

Good luck!

Good for you Kirsty. That was the right thing to text back.

(I'd have probably text "No, you're right. What you wanted was to fuck someone else and stay married. SO sorry for ruining that for you.")

Kirsty go with Bogeyface-wise advice

Oops you did already. Fantastic

so impressed :) excellent work jedi! Am taking notes... good for you being so calm and collected. You're just going to get more fabulous as time goes on :)

I'm actually managing to be with him and DD but not actually directly interacting with him at all these days without any effort on my part and without an atmosphere of any tension.. it was no bother tonight :)

Well and so the script continues. Got DD to call him tonight to ask what he wanted for Fathers Day .. he asked to speak to me and hummed and hawed then asked if he could take DD on holiday with his brother during the time he was going to be having her in the summer . I said ' fine.. what do you want for fathers day we looked at dvds but not sure of what to get' and he started blubbing on the phone. I just ignored it (although i do feel a teeny bit bad about it)

I'm really sorry you're having to deal with this. Ignoring it or not, it's not nice to have to cope with the latest wave of emotional crapstorm. I really hope he's able to pull himself together and appreciate his lovely DD and make sure she enjoys Fathers Day with him without the blubbing. I hope he learns to put a sock in it for your sake too!

Its just the thought of what he is going to come out with next Choco.. I was almost tempted to engage to find out what has happened .. but then I thought .. naaahhh .. not that interested

I had a viewer for the house last night and they seemed to love the house - they are moving from their house in 8 weeks and asked if that would be possible for us?

I spoke to DD after that and then asked to speak to her dad - I pointed out to him (yet again) that we need to get the separation agreement sorted out before we can accept an offer (he has ignored previous emails and texts) .. He did more sobbing on the phone .. 'Yes I've asked for pension valuation .. sob sob '

I just ignored him again but I am concerned that I am doing the right thing?? For a start he was with DD last night and don't want her to think it is me who is causing him upset (as it's not - he's just having his own pity party) but should I say to him - 'look what are you blubbing about' or just continue to ignore?

Do you actually need a seperation agreement?

If you file for divorce then the finances etc are taken care of as part of that. And I would continue to ignore. His delays and tears are all attempts to get you to engage, he made his bed......

Hi Bogey here in Scotland I need a separation agreement prior to the house sale

It could be a partial one just dealing with the house sale itself but as his pension is worth 3 times mine and I want my share of that to be taken off of his equity I want a full separation agreement done (and my conveyancing solicitor is a friend of a friend so she has not mentioned to him that a partial one is acceptable)

Ah I see, didnt realise that, sorry. Fingers crossed that he pulls his finger out soon then :)

If we lose the sale and I have to stay in my (lovely) house a bit longer with him paying the mortgage it wouldn't be a great loss - I'm in a win win situation really :)

Great

KW if you can agree approx values of pension etc that you're happy to work with you might not have to have the CETV for the pensions. I did some of mine based on our assumptions/agreements of what things were worth, including in my case, the house (cos I was keeping hold of it). Also the pensions company will tell you that the current value is not the same as CETV and you need to wait for that to be calculated. But (again this is my experience) it was as near as damn it - £ or p difference. So, if you've got a statement from April and you get a verbal update on pension value over the phone, that will almost certainly be very close to the cash value. Your lawyer might advise against this and want the actual values - dunno. My husband and I just negotiated an overall figure in the end and then told the lawyers to write it into the agreement. General approach seems to be to start at 50:50 share of all the assets then think of good reasons why you need more! I know you've got good lawyers so you'll be fine. If you want to ask me anything based on my experience with getting separation agreement then you know where I am!

Thanks Lovingfreedom all set for your hols ? xx

Yep!! Cannot wait!! Found out just in time that I've no longer got any suitcases!! Must have gone with them man!! lol. xx