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Original poster

affair - need proof

34 replies

kerfuzzled · 09/06/2012 21:57

I have my suspisions that my husband is having an affair but no concrete evidence. I have accused him before but unable to prove it I ended up backing down. Basically its his phone, deleted texts but still showing on his call log and hiding his phone which has got to mean something right?

I have resolved myself not to say anything until I find some definite proof but finding it hard to keep my mouth shut, so so angry, but when I do confront him I need to have something to back it up.

OP posts:
MusicForTheMasses · 09/06/2012 22:12

Read my thread. Everyone told me to go with my instincts and they were right. :(

Original poster
kerfuzzled · 09/06/2012 22:27

Have just read your thread, sounds very similar to my situation. Sorry to hear what you are going through.

My instincts are driving me to distraction right now, in my head the relationship is already over. I just want the proof.

OP posts:
BonkeyMollocks · 09/06/2012 22:30

You don't need proof.

If its not right then that is enough.

AnitaManeater · 09/06/2012 22:33

I don't think you need proof either. His actions speak volumes.

You could always hide his phone for a couple days, turn it to silent and vibrate off. See what rolls in. Worked for me :)

happyAvocado · 09/06/2012 22:36

AnitaManeater - excellent idea, I would use it if I had my doubts

Original poster
kerfuzzled · 09/06/2012 22:40

I know i dont need it I would just like it to prove to myself I'm not going mad, when I accused him before he turned it round on me and I dont want that to happen again.

Good idea Anita but that would mean me actually having to get his phone he keeps it with him or in his eye sight 99% of the time. He uses a second phone on a different network to phone abroad as he has family there and I believe its this phone he is using to speak to the ow.

OP posts:
CogitoErgoSometimes · 09/06/2012 22:54

Could you call his mobile phone service provider and ask for a duplicate bill itemising the calls made?

Original poster
kerfuzzled · 09/06/2012 23:02

Its a top-up phone so he doesnt get bills so thats a no-go.

I have looked at the phone when I had chance and what he doesnt realise is that everytime he gets or sends a text it shows on the call log even if he deletes the text. Why delete a text if its not suspicious? Also he NEVER texts me so why text this woman?

OP posts:
CogitoErgoSometimes · 09/06/2012 23:15

Texting is how lovers keep in touch. It's silent and private so you can't be overheard. Easily deleted so there's no record. He could, of course, be involved in something else shady. Is he the criminal type?

For a physical affair to take place, he needs to be able to meet and for that he needs opportunities to be absent. Are you conscious of any times when he is out of reach?

happyAvocado · 09/06/2012 23:35

I am not sure if this is the way to go, but looked up out of curiosity how to hack into someone text messages - and if they own a smart phone you can use one of those apps
www.spybubble.com/
check-text-messages-online.com/

as I say - I haven't researched it further or even used myself

happyAvocado · 09/06/2012 23:38

www.spybubble.com/
check-text-messages-online.com/

Spree · 10/06/2012 01:49

When you next get a chance to look at his phone, that's when you hide it and keep it on silent.

He will tear the house apart, looking for it but you can just pretend he's misplaced or lost it and "help" him retrace his steps.

Good luck

Original poster
kerfuzzled · 10/06/2012 16:53

Its not a smartphone so i wouldnt be able to use any of those spy apps on his phone, wish I could though :(

I'm not sure if he can sense that I'm up to something but he seems to be guarding the damn phone more than ever. Feeling really low today just wish I could know either way.

OP posts:
happyAvocado · 10/06/2012 17:07

I read soemwhere (again - don't quote me on this) - someone else was suspicious of his GF cheating, he made her phone "disappear" , she got a replacement one with the same number - he was still receiving all texts on the old phone (they must have duplicated the sim card without disabling the old one) - he was still receiving all texts sent to her...

CogitoErgoSometimes · 10/06/2012 17:19

'Spooks' perhaps? Hmm OP you've got two choices You either say nothing, wait for him to trip up, snoop about and get your evidence. Or you trust your instincts, confront him straight away & judge whether his response is credible or not. If you've lived with someone long enough you know when they're not telling the truth.

Original poster
kerfuzzled · 10/06/2012 18:13

Thanks for your advice, for now I have decided to say nothing and wait for him to trip up as he will, just hope it doesnt take too long. I dont think I have the guts to actually hide his phone, I am a terrible liar and as he is so over protective over this phone I am sure he will know it is me.

If i confront him, as I did before he will have his excuses ready. I know I sound pathetic but at least this way I have already gone through the hurt so if the relationship or when the relationship comes to an end I can get on with my life.

OP posts:
PooPooInMyToes · 10/06/2012 18:27

Does he have email?

AnyFucker · 10/06/2012 18:32

You don't sound pathetic, love

RightFedUp · 10/06/2012 18:33

Just his behaviour around that phone is all the proof you need, sorry. No one behaves like that unless they are hiding something.

Trust those instincts.

Sallyingforth · 10/06/2012 20:05

If you've seen the call log that must give you a clue. Do the same numbers come up frequently? If you don't recognise them, make a note of them and call them when he's not around and see who answers. Use 141 to hide your own number.

Original poster
kerfuzzled · 10/06/2012 20:13

Yes he has e-mail which I have access too, also know his facebook password, this woman got added on facebook and she is stupid enough to post her phone number so I know it is her he is phoning/texting. This is basically how my suspicions started. He knows I can access these so wouldnt be any evidence there.

I know my instincts are right fedup I have decided to give myself 6 weeks, in that time I am going to see what I can find out, also try and sort out my finances and stuff and get ready to make it on my own.

OP posts:
Original poster
kerfuzzled · 10/06/2012 20:15

I have her number sallyingforth but I dont want to phone, she is obviously aware of his situation as he is listed on facebook and posts family pics etc.

OP posts:
RightFedUp · 10/06/2012 20:19

I think you are wise to get things sorted before confronting him. Lots of good advice on here about what you need to do.

Best of luck

AnyFucker · 10/06/2012 20:23

good luck, and don't let your time frame get eroded by him being "nice" to put you off the scent...

KirstyWirsty · 10/06/2012 21:04

I went through all that you are having to go through last year .. it took months til I found proof.. the behaviour with the phone is just the same.

Sorry you are going through this xx

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