I can't stand people

[dontlikepeople]

Have namechanged

I really struggle with other people. I don't like being around them other than my own family and a couple of good friends. I hate authority and just want to drop out. I've cut my work hours to the bare minimum and can manage financially but I just feel exhausted and stressed with the sheer effort of dealing with others. I would like to work from home but can't find anything suitable that isn't some kind of scam.

I just want people to leave me alone and to get on with my life quietly but it doesn't seem to happen. I'm not miserable or depressed I just want a life away from others because they seem intent on causing trouble

"Its sad as I'd love to love people but just don't get on with them" Classic :)

Who are all these one-upmanship-people? They sound awfully dim or dull or both, which would surely be a source of self-embarrassment for themselves. Or you could easily enlighten them as to their brash and woeful ignorance .

I feel weird about my smilies now, as I know there is a lot of sadness in this topic too ...

dim and dull, exactly that! they think they are It though..No such concept as self embarassement, some had confidence drummed into them as a child (justr because). Oh it's just so revolting, the way they speak(and think) down to everyone! I agree they need to be enlightened, but for that you need to have some verve, and it's hard when there aer so many. It's the people who think they control things that are the worst, agree with OP (even though she was talking of bosses more).

I feel I've spent my life fighting the desire to retreat from the world. And yet I often feel lonely and disconnected. It's not easy, OP, but I worry that you sound as though this is reaching a crisis for you. Do you have someone who can help you manage these feelings?

It's not even just one upmanship though is it? It's general nastiness, bitchiness, greed and back stabbing. It is a rare few who have the guts to be upfront especially at work. I must admit I am not as upfront as I'd like to be as I hate confrontation. The downside of this is that I bitch behing people's back. Not good. I am going to phone up a (trusted I think) colleague tonight for advice on how to handle the office bitches.

I think I get more like this when I'm down.

I can identify with this OP. But like you, I need to work for a living so I have to mix and get on with people! I changed jobs 5 years ago and I'm the happiest I have ever been in the workplace. I work in a centre for people with intellectual disabilities, it is run by a religious organisation. The difference in the staff is amazing, people are genuine and friendly, everyone greets each other with a cheery smile and 'good morning' every day. There is no back stabbing, everyone helps each other out if we can. There is 150 staff, so obviously not everyone is a joy to work with but I just avoid the few grumps that do work there ... they tend to stick out like a sore thumb anyway.

There are good places to work for, with nice/decent people. I think it is a culture and its just finding the right place that fits with you.

I have been like this since DD died. The utter ridiculousness of people and the way I have constantly negotiate their personalities exhausts me.
It is not that I think eveybody's problems are less than mine.
I can sit and be genuinely sympathetic with someone who has lost their cat for example.
It's just the sheer effort it takes to be around people who seem determined to manufacture dramas and stresses out if nothing.
I spend a great deal of my day screaming 'fuck off' to people in my head.
This doesn't extend to my clients though. I never feel that way about them.
I often wish I didn't ever have to go out.

I spend a great of my day screaming "fuck off" to people in my head

, LMFAO, I know that one so well and you couldn't have described it any better.

I know people who behave atrociously yet others are expected to pussyfoot around them so as not to upset them.

Depends on your personality type, but I do rather enjoy pulling tossers up on their behaviour and watching them, for the most part, recoil in shock and scuttle off! I never used to have the confidence to do this, but I have now. I think I developed an attitude of 'who the fuck do you think you are?' and now instead of just thinking it and inwardly seething, I now say it! it's so liberating!

A lot of people are very self entitled, self absorbed and very 'me, me, me'. Where I live, (SE London) it's full of TOWIE wannabe's ( but without the dosh!) it's a bitchy posers paradise here!

Big generalisation here, but I do think older people are lot friendlier and more kind!

I still say that some areas are worse than others.The Bath area is one of the notorious ones.My DD wanted to move there,and I warned her against it for the above reasons.
Yes,there are always going to be more difficult people to get on with in most work places.If the op is going to stay put in her job,I would suggest she tries to find like minded people like herself to at least hang around with in break times.
I would also suggest that she googles things about office politics,and looks at websites such as how to cope with bitching and backstabbing in the workplace,and buys or borrows a few books for useful tips on the subject.
If you have already done this,then my apologies.
And yes,I may get shouted at on here.Am ready

Just catching up on this thread. It's good to hear everyone's thoughts and experiences. Some of them are

I feel this way socially as well, it's not just work related. I've had some very bad experiences in life and I can't stand petty drama either. I am seriously considering quitting work and going to work on the agency. At least that way you're removed from the situation and aren't around long enough to get involved in any rubbish. The downside is that you have to have nerves of steel and be able to think on your feet. I did it several years ago and coped okay then so could give it a go I guess.

It's passive aggression I find the hardest.
So much of it about. It knocks me sideways when I am feeling a bit vulnerable. Then I ate myself for not dealing with it.
Much better to stay indoors I reckon :)

Hate! fgs hate!

This thread interests me. Windinmysails talked about Aspergers - I think some of us are nearer the spectrum than others and get disappointed and confused when people are not straight and honest. I cannot deal with manipulative people and people with personality disorders get right under my skin. We have a lot of Aspies in our family....

I am trying, trying, trying to work on this by attempting - at a very late age - to be kind and positive as a person (not always/often succeeding!). I notice that really kind, quietly confident people do not often get negative feedback from others, possibly because they make other people feel safe and good? If you gently stand your ground, others are less likely to piss you around. It helps that I have had a career change and work with one other person I get on with. I hate the workplace

I want to respond to what SaintVera said.I would consider myself to be like SaintVera said in the second paragraph.
I am not often messed around.
A couple of nights ago,someone on Mumsnet did,which,as far as I can remember,has very rarely happened.
I posted back that I thought what she said had been uncalled for,and did she want to let the post stand as it was.She apologised the next morning.
I felt I needed to stand my ground,as I had actually apologised for mis-reading what she was trying to say,and she posted the nasty comment after that!
I do think it is necessary to stand up for some blatant things if you are able,and let some other things go.
The agency may be better for you,would you be able to swap back afterwards if it didnt work out better for you?

I could probably swap back or at least find another job if it didn't work out.

Much agreement with toptramp and MrsDeVere. Ive become a bit of a wallflower and even dread going out to do a bit of shopping on my own without dp sometimes :(

I am glad I am not the only one who struggles with people. I go out the house now once a week for shopping with my partner. Just panic now after so many bad experiences. Gave up work because of the bitching that was going on and in the end no one spoke to me. Dont go to parents evening (OH goes!!). Dont speak to family since 18yr old son moved out last year. Just feel happier not being involved in all the day to day dramas that were going on.

I recommend a pair of sunglasses,a pashmina and a mini radio.
You do not have to acknowledge the outside world at all with that little kit.

I have taken to going through the self service checkouts, but the shop assistant stares at me when I go through with a trolley

I have sunglasses and an ipod

I feel like this a lot. Used to work in a career that was VERY two faced and I think it out me off people for life! thing is I do actually LIKE people, but I hate the politics and one upmanship or sheer bloody sheepiness of most of them. So many people i know are too busy trying to fit in or be a wannabe to actually just be who they are, which at the core without all the bullshit is usually lovely. I find it much nicer to be one on one with people than in groupsl whic is where the bitchiness and bullshit start.

Thing is I can't avoid it completely, because I want DD to be socially adept. Luckily we live in the sticks, I think it must be a million times worse in the smoke!