Help me get through this stay with toxic mother

[Memoo]

How the hell I got talked into this i'll never know but here I am with the dc staying with my mother for a whole week.
We got here on Saturday and the first day was ok but my dh had to go the next day so my mother real side came back out.
This evening I have sat sobbing in my room. It's like being a teenager again and I'm remembering why I left home at 17.
We're in a small village in Cumbria. There is a shop, a pub and that's it. I'm not even driving at the moment so I'm well and truly stuck until dh rejoins us on Friday evening and then still have to make it trough until Sunday.
I am just one critism about my parenting away from hanging my self from the rafters.
How the hell do I get through this?

Sorry, but if its honestly that bad Id have DH collect me early first thing in the morning.

Get your H to come get you love.
Enough is enough.

Go home.
By train, coach or borrowed broomstick.
Just go.

I'm sure others will have better answers, but I didn't want your question to go unanswered for too long. The countryside's beautiful in Cumbria, could you bundle DCs in raingear & go for a long walk to the next village & back? Packed lunch or lunch at the pub, depending on finances? This will give you fresh air, exercise (good for endophins!) and, most of all space away from your stressor. Hope this helps (((hugs)))

I don't have any advice but was just about to post a very similar op! It's absolutely dire and I cannot wait to leave. They are totally toxic and unstable and I hate being here. Am also without dh until Friday but get to escape on saturday.

I always go home exhausted but so grateful to go back to the sanity of my own home. Why did we think such a long stay was a good idea?!

Do your dc like her at least? Mine adores the gps which helps.

Don't put yourself through this.
Does the pub have guest rooms? Could you remove yourself & the DC to there (or a nearby B&B) for one night explaining that you are a grown up now and no longer have to stay in a situation where you aren't respected?

Why are you doing this to yourself? You are an adult and you don't have to take this shit. Seriously! WALK AWAY NOW. Your DH has had ''an accident'' and you need to get the train home asap. JUST GO!

Get through this but learn from it, remember this feeling and never ever agree to such a thing again! Oh and try not to murder your mother!

Just go.

You did it when you were 17, you can do it now. Well, tomorrow. Can DH come and get you? If not, can you get a lift to the train / bus station?

If you really have to, give some half-arsed excuse, but you are a grown woman now, so don't get made to feel like a child and having to give explanations. Just say you think it would be better if you leave.

I can say that if the op's family is like my lot, leaving early would simply create the mother of all arguments.

Failing that, try to seek out fellow Mners in the Cumbrian village for support. Talk loudly in the shop and pub about your distaste of Gregg's sausage rolls and fruit shoots, and the sisterhood will find you.

Sorry.

Facetious.

Does your Mum enjoy a tipple? Introduce cocktail hour. At 4pm. She'll be your BFF by 6.

My dc adore her and if we leave early they will be gutted. The dc are the only thing keeping me from losing it. I have 37 years of seething resentment bubbling away and when i let it out I don't want them to be around.

Bloody good idea about getting her merry!

Any mumsnetters in Lazonby??

Perhaps not in body, but in spirit.

If you are going to stay, you might as well try to develop some coping strategies.

I used to try to manage severe frustration by imagining the person who was annoying me becoming smaller and smaller until they were a tiny munchkin in my hand. Then I would let them down, and they would run away, tirading in tiny high-pitched silly voices.

I know it sounds nuts, but it used to help me. [bonkers]

There is also a tried and tested technique called Emotional Freedom Technique - EFT, which sounds equally bonkers, but is supposed to really work. Paul McKenna recommends it. Will try to find a link.

Thanks beryl

Your technique made me smile :)

This the the eft technique

It is supposed to work really well, and a variant has been used in PTSD sufferers with good results.

Might as well try it.

I'll definately try it. I believe things like that can really work.

I'm 37. How can I still feel so frightened of her disapproval? Sometimes she is really nice and I let my guard down again only to be left feeling hurt and really disappointed again.

I second Beryl's suggestion of EFT. If you really can't leave, give it a go now, it will calm you down v quickly. There are lots of YouTube videos with the basic procedure.

Remember to rate how you feel out of 10 first, then keep going till its down to 0. PM me if you need any help.

How old are the DC? If they love your mother so much, and she loves them (and you trust her), why don't you go home on your own?

Am I being silly? That link to EFT - which sounds like something I would find useful - just seems to be blank pages. Am I doing something wrong?

Sorry Memoo, rude of me to comment without acknowledging your op. I don't have any useful advice really but stay strong. If you have to sit it out for the week I know at the moment it feels like forever but it will pass and you will be back in your own life soon.

Have a look here for some useful videos on EFT. The case studies section of the website is very informative as well.

memoo your relationship with your mother sounds so similar to mine with my father, and I am 41 years of seething resentment, how do they do it?? I can especially relate to you when you say you let your guard down only to be hurt again, I wouldn't even know where to begin explaining his personality and knack for hurting those closet to him!!! Urrrrgh!! I feel your pain I really do!

My dc are 13, 11 and 2.

If I left them here they'd be ok but they'd know I was upset and that would upset them. Ds, in particular, is very sensitive and always aware of how I'm feeling. He seems able to read my every thought so I'm trying really hard to keep it together.

It's really hard to leave as we're in the middle of nowhere. I have no car and there is no bus. Dh is coming tomorrow evening so I don't have long to go.

I am so done with this. My parents have a lovely big house here but they're going to end up rattling around on their own. My mum will never see she does anything wrong. If I even mentioned I was unhappy in any way she would launch into her 'what about me' routine.

She invited me up here. I have health issues that make some things difficult for me but dh helps me a lot at home. My Mother has done nothing to help me at all dispite knowing I am in pain.