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Original poster

Can someone please tell me how you seperate when 'd' h does not have a regular income?

29 replies

Chocamochalatte · 04/06/2012 19:25

'D' h and I are considering separating, however, he recently started his own business so does not have a regular income, infact the last two months he's brought nothing in although things are looking up now.

How can we seperate? I feel like we're stuck with each other, I feel like we have no choice. Are we? Do we? :(

OP posts:
TDada · 04/06/2012 19:30

Sad....don't know answer. Ids your relationship being broken by finances?

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow · 04/06/2012 19:31

the process is the same regardless of whether your dh has an income, an irregular income, or no income. You simply decide which one of you is going to stay in the home and then file for divorce. Inform the tax credits people of your new income.

Original poster
Chocamochalatte · 04/06/2012 19:45

Tdada, finances mainly but also we never agree about DTs, he to hard on them, shouts a lot, I can't go on like this any more. DT1 has recently been diagnosed with SEN and he's not making any allowances for this :(

Notsuch, but how can he move out with no deposit, no money for rent???

OP posts:
NotSuchASmugMarriedNow · 04/06/2012 19:50

well how is he managing for money to live on now?

Original poster
Chocamochalatte · 04/06/2012 20:02

We live off my money and tax credits, and an overdraft that we can't clear...

OP posts:
NotSuchASmugMarriedNow · 04/06/2012 20:07

you poor thing, you will find you are much better off financially without him.

I always struggle to understand why anyone thinks its ok to go off persuing the job of their dreams whilst leaving the other partner to hold the financial fort.

It's not your problem where he gets his rent from frankly. Your problem is you and the kids.

Original poster
Chocamochalatte · 04/06/2012 20:22

To be fair, it was a joint decision for him to start out on his own, in the long run financially we'd be better off.. Plus it means he's around more for DTs.

I think you're wrong, it is partly my problem where he gets his money for rent from, no way would I want to see the father of my children on the streets or let that happen, how would that benefit them? I know I'll be fine, funnily I'm not actually worried about me.

OP posts:
NotSuchASmugMarriedNow · 04/06/2012 20:26

ok, well, my ex husband took out a loan to leave the family home and set up a rented home. could yours do that? Because if he doesn't have any money, and he won't borrow any money, then he's going to have to remain living with you. Isn't he?

Agaless · 04/06/2012 20:30

I think I know too well how you are feeling...
Do you have a regular income or is your money from savings, proceeds or anything else that would eventually run out?
Are you both answerable for the overdraft? Do you have a mortgage or are you renting?

Original poster
Chocamochalatte · 04/06/2012 20:43

Borrowing money, ie loan, tbh hasn't even crossed my mind...

Agaless, I have FT job so yes regular income, no savings, both responsible for overdraft (joint account) no mortgage, renting.

OP posts:
Original poster
Chocamochalatte · 05/06/2012 14:40

Has anyone else ever been in the same boat? Would like to hear from anyone else that's managed to get through a similar situation...

OP posts:
tallwivglasses · 05/06/2012 21:58

Resign yourself to being hard-up for a while - but so much happier Smile

ScaredyDog · 05/06/2012 22:43

I've been here.

Basically I let him live in the house, moved out, I paid the mortgage, he gave me what he could, and we sold the house. It was a very amicable separation though.

Sounds like that isn't an option for you though because of renting etc :(

Can you get to the CAB to speak to someone about what you would both be entitled to when you split? Could you give him a cut off point for when he needs to move out and set up on his own?

Could you look at ending your tenancy at a certain date, and then you both set up on your own? That might be better, a fresh start for both of you and then that takes the onus off you for asking him to move out if you are both leaving the house?

Original poster
Chocamochalatte · 05/06/2012 22:55

That's the thing Tall, we're hard up already, barely get by each month and have such a huge overdraft which we live in :(

SD, CAB sounds like a good route to go down...

I dont even know if it will happen, we've been down this road so many times, part of me just wants us to go our own seperate ways, but part of me thinks we should be trying harder... Confused

OP posts:
Agaless · 05/06/2012 22:59

Same boat here, far adrift though, so here is what I' d wished i'd done; not think it was beyond the pale to not trust DH to do the best in DCs interest.
Make sure you and DCs are ok financially as well as emotionally.
Do not encourage DH to take out a loan; if still married you would be jointly liable, and in FT employment, guess whom the bank would go for?
Same with overdraft make sure it can't be upped without your agreement.
However, You'll need to stick it out for the length of the rental notice; is it really the end of your tether or an awfull stressful patch?

whereismumhiding · 06/06/2012 13:16

Can you send him home to his parents house?

Original poster
Chocamochalatte · 06/06/2012 13:35

Aga, I'm not sure, I'd like to think not but we go through these 'phases' so often I'm fed up of it... but then on the other hand when it's good it's great... Confused

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Original poster
Chocamochalatte · 06/06/2012 13:37

Wimh, he has no parents, they have both passed away, one quite a few years ago and the other a couple years ago due to illness Sad No other family...

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whereismumhiding · 06/06/2012 15:06

Oh dear. Has he any friends he could stay with for a few weeks? I think it might help give you time to think and clear your head. It would tell him you mean business, and give him a taste of what it is like to be without you.

whereismumhiding · 06/06/2012 15:09

I'm only saying that because he's not taking you seriously or listenning to you. You sound so unhappy at the moment and it's not been a one off, but a pattern. So sometimes doing something differently, gets you there or helps you see thing sclearly. Since you are considering splitting up, why not do a trial short separation like this?

Agaless · 06/06/2012 15:15

Whereismum's idea isn't bad, but I suppose all his business stuff, computer set up, etc. are in the house ?

Original poster
Chocamochalatte · 06/06/2012 18:52

He doesn't really have any 'friends' more like acquaintances, certainly no one he could stay with, and yes all equipment for business is in the house and of course where the business is registered...

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whereismumhiding · 06/06/2012 20:28

oh dear. Just trying to think of ways you could get some space to think. He must have a best man or someone he could stay with?

Original poster
Chocamochalatte · 06/06/2012 21:08

Absolutely no one :( He's never been very sociable, has got better though but still no one to go out for a drink with etc...

I think we're both going to make the best of it until we're in a better situation to be able to do anything about it... A loan is all well and good if you have an income but I don't even think he'd be able to get one...

OP posts:
QuickLookBusy · 07/06/2012 11:16

Could he not try to get a job? Then he will have a regular income so he can afford rent etc. he might have to put his business on the back burner for a while or run it around a paid job.